The Seven Tips That Will Help You Deal with Difficult Conversations
Communication is one of the keys to operating a successful business. Occasionally, you’ll need to have a difficult conversation with an employee. Discover how to handle those tough moments.
Tip #1 – Talk to Somebody About the Conversation Beforehand
Start with the personal responsibility aspect of the conversation.
What are you going to bring into this encounter? Are the criticisms you’re about to levy justified? And have you structured the intended conversation in a way that will lead to a positive outcome?
These are all important questions. But they’re also difficult to answer by yourself.
Explain the situation from your perspective and what you hope to achieve with the conversation.
This outside perspective may help you create clarity ahead of the conversation. And having that clarity means you can approach the discussion with more confidence.
Tip #2 – Know What You’re Walking Into
If you know what you’re walking into, you can preempt your own reactions.
For example, knowing there may be some hostility at the other end of the table allows you to anticipate and plan. This means you get to be proactive, instead of relying on your reactions to steer you through the encounter.
Tip #3 – Allow the Other Party to Engage When They’re Ready (But Don’t Let Them Stall You Out)
Sometimes, the other party needs a little time until they can start feeling comfortable with the impending situation.
But in this case, a few hours went by without the CEO trying to engage with me. I eventually realized that he wanted to stall me out, so I had to initiate the conversation.
The lesson here is that it’s okay to give somebody a little time if it will help them when the conversation starts. However, you can’t allow them to control the conversation to the point where they prevent it from happening.
Tip #4 – Don’t Escalate Things If the Other Person Gets Angry
The simple lesson here is that you can’t allow that to happen.
If the other person gets angry, keep your cool and stay focused on your desired outcome. If things do escalate to a bad point, don’t be afraid to take a break from the conversation. Give both parties the chance to cool down before coming back to it.
Tip #5 – Apologize If You Lose Your Cool
After we’d both lost our cool, we both took a break from each other. He’d accused me of some hurtful things and I’d responded with attacks on his performance.
Both of us had bruised egos, and we needed the break.
I’d made a mistake in allowing the conversation to escalate into an argument. However, I fixed that mistake when I swallowed my pride and apologized. After we’d both cooled off, I held my hands up and said that I was sorry.
The CEO did the same.
And that was the turning point for us.
We both recognized that things got heated because we’d acted inappropriately. By confronting and resolving that argument, we created a better platform for our next crack at the conversation.
Tip #6 – Work Together to Resolve the Issue
The CEO showed me a past presentation he made to the board that covered what he was going to do. By working together, we figured out what he’d done and what still needed doing.
The CEO felt so attacked because he felt like his work in these areas wasn’t recognized.
But by working together, we established this new frame of reference. We gave context to the real grievances that the board had focused on more recent issues.
The lesson here is that you may not always have all of the facts.
You certainly may not have the correct context for the conversation if you’re relying on information from somebody else. But if you work together with the person you’re talking to, you can understand their perspective.
From there, you can build a base of trust and confront the issues that do need addressing.
Tip #7 – Give Credit for Momentum
Thanks to our conversation, I got a clearer picture of what the CEO needed to improve on and where he was already taking action.
We stopped focusing on legacy issues and started working on the stuff that really mattered.
And as for the stuff he was already fixing…
I gave him credit for the momentum he’d created in those areas. I recognized that he’d already started acting on some of the stuff we talked about. And that simple act of recognition created even deeper trust between us.
It meant that he’d listen to me when I pointed out interruptions that still needed confronting.
This is an important lesson because you can’t just attack somebody’s performance. In many cases, there are positive things to talk about, too. By giving credit where it is due, hostility tends to dissipate.
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