Seven Signs that a Person is Clueless

Do you ever worry that you might be a clueless person? If so, don’t worry. Unaware people never wonder whether they’re clueless.

We’ve all met them — the fish-eyed techie regaling you with every detail of his last programming project, the earnest therapist sharing the intricacies of her medical billing system, or the laid-back colleague lounging at your desk as you frantically try to meet a deadline.

These are people who don’t know how tone-deaf they are to your verbal and non-verbal cues that they are boring you to bits — or that they have just committed an enormous social gaffe.

That’s because, by definition, a clueless person is — you guessed it — clueless. Not about politics or science or pop culture, but usually about other people.

All of us have been clueless on occasion. We get over-excited or stressed and charge ahead without noticing the person in front of us. Having barged through social niceties myself once or twice, I’m inclined to forgive the occasional sinner.

But what about the chronically clueless? These are the people who cause others to roll their eyes and bite their lips to keep from spitting out, “Are you freaking kidding me??”

If you’re wondering wonder whether you or someone you know is genuinely clueless, ask these seven questions:

Cluelessness Quiz

1. Do they frequently follow people down the hall or into another room to finish telling a story?

2. When they’re talking to someone, and the listener starts to disengage, do they often say, “Wait! I’m not finished!”

3. Do they usually talk about the same topics no matter whom they are talking to?

4. When they talk to you on the phone, do you often find yourself checking email or folding laundry?

5. When (if) you’re at work, do they habitually hang around — or on — your desk?

6. Do they often say, “I’m not a [legal, medical, psychological] professional, but here’s what I think you should do”?

7. Do you often find yourself antsy to avoid or get out of a conversation with them?

If you answered yes to three or more of these questions, you or your friend might need a social awareness reboot.

Unaware people may have great qualities. We would like to forgive them for their over-sharing and social faux pas. If you care about someone who is, well, annoying, what can you do to support them?

Give them frank feedback. “You’ve already told me that story several times,” or “I need to go now,” or “You’re losing me here,” might jolt them into a glimmer of self-awareness. Even if it doesn’t, you’ll be saved from hearing that story for the fifth time.

If you’re feeling ambitious, you might ask them why they thought you’d be interested in hearing their story. Coming up with an answer could spark a useful conversation.

Your clueless friends might not know exactly what their problem is, but they have probably noticed that they are not the first people to be picked for the dodgeball team. You would help them — and you — by breaking the pattern of cluelessness.

Of course, if they don’t call you on the phone, you might not get your laundry folded.

Elizabeth Danziger is a communications consultant based in Los Angeles, California. Her firm, Worktalk Communications Consulting, prepares teams to write clearly and concisely. Also, she knows a lot of clueless people.