Seven Hats I Love to Wear as A Father

I’m blessed to have two kids - a five year old daughter (holding her grandfather's hand in the picture), and a son who will turn one this May. Past five years have been a roller coaster ride full of failures and successes as a father. What I have realized is that there is no fixed way of being a father and it involves at least seven role-plays for me to express fatherhood in a meaningful way.

1. Being a Child: There are no seven wonders of the world in the eyes of a child. There are seven million! Being absolutely present with my two kids (with no digital dementia:)) helps me stay curious and have a sense of wonder alive in me. Whether it’s crawling with my infant son or throwing colors on a canvass with my daughter - it feels like reliving my childhood may be in a little wiser way. I have realized that our children want our presence not presents. This is the hat I wear to enter into my children’s world and relive my childhood with them.

It's never too late to have a happy childhood. ― Tom Robbins

2. Being a Mother: There are times when my wife is traveling - sometime for the entire week! That’s the time when my patience and tolerance are put to test. I have realized that a mother is a safe harbor, protector, disciplinarian and a companion. While wearing this hat, I have learnt to develop a sense of profound love and inclusiveness for my kids and go beyond any judgement of good or bad.

 Having kids—the responsibility of rearing good, kind, ethical, responsible human beings—is the biggest job anyone can embark on. – Maria Shriver

3. Being a Student: My daughter and I often spend hours in our sun-room taking turns on a whiteboard. There are times when I pretend to learn from her, hoping to build her confidence and self-esteem and there are times when I actually learn from her. For example, never getting stopped in the face of “no” and being happy and cheerful despite little control over her environment. This is the hat I wear when I want my children to believe in themselves and expand their worldview.

Raise yourself to raise your kids. – Sadhguru Jaggi Vasudev

4. Being a Coach: As our children grow up, they are going to be bombarded by differing thoughts, opinions and values from their friends, the movies, internet, television and books. I love to help guide my daughter to figure out her goals and values in life while playing all kinds of fun board games and card games with her. Check out this character building card game “What Do You Stand For?” and resources such as “Building Your Family Charter”. I wear this hat when I’m helping my daughter develop the social and self-help skills to become independent.

Children are great imitators so give them something great to imitate.

5. Being a Friend: Our child needs a friend, not a boss. Being vulnerable is the key to intimacy. Once my daughter (two and half years old then) and I were enjoying an evening walk in late Spring. To my surprise, she had all the vocabulary to drive a meaningful conversation. During the entire walk I just listened to her words and her silence without speaking a single word. It was a transformational experience to relate with my daughter as a fellow human being and not as a dependent child. I have learnt to never underestimate a child's capacity to understand life and grasp its meaning. You’ll be surprised to learn how early your child can be a true philosophical companion of yours.

A person's a person, no matter how small. — Dr. Seuss

6. Being a Storyteller: This is my favorite hat to wear as I love to tell stories both at work (as a marketer) and in life. Bedtime story is one ritual that I have consistently followed with my daughter over the past three years. It has helped us strengthen our bonding and our ability to reflect on our day, and be grateful in life every single day.

Reading stories to children can show them far-flung places, extraordinary people and eye-opening situations to expand and enrich their world. 

7. Being a Gardener: We have a new plant to grow in our garden. All we know is that it needs soil, sunlight, water, and air, but we don’t know the right amount or type. We are an observant gardener, however. We see whether we are doing it right by how the leaves and flowers look. Are they bright and vibrant or wilted and yellowing? Likewise, parenting is not about molding children the way we want them, but about supporting their natural longing to know and blossom. 

Nurture the seed and water the roots. Don’t think much about trees and fruits.

The task of raising independent, resilient, caring children - requires us to wear multiple hats. Next time you interact with your child, step back and look at which hat you are wearing and think which of the seven hats the situation really requires.