Seven Communication Errors That Will Cause Doom (And How to Survive Them)

Esteemed communication expert Jerry Seinfeld shares this observation about speaking to groups:

"According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death.

Death is number two.

Does that sound right?

This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."

It's not a surprise that conversation can be scary.

Personal communication is complex. Answering questions can make one quiver. Speaking in front of an audience can feel like, well, this guy Seinfeld said it better than I can.

However, I'd like to focus on some common personal communication errors we've experienced or unknowingly committed ourselves. (We'll save the public speaking tips for a future column.)

1)??? Ping Pong – There are rules; the most important rule is that participation by all parties is critical. You need to hit the ping pong ball back, or at least try. Otherwise, the game ends very quickly. Also, don't slam the ball back with every swing. Even if you "win the point," no one likes an overly aggressive communication style.

Do you prefer a musical analogy instead of sports? If you're part of a duet, acting like a soloist ensures you'll be on your own next time.

2)??? Land the Plane – Your story, like an airplane flight, has a beginning (takeoff – buckle your seatbelts), a middle (we've reached our cruising altitude), and an ending (we're at the gate, please collect your trash). Don't get caught in too many details (we're circling the airport because I'm not done with my story yet). Everyone wants to leave and get their luggage before it's rush hour.

3)??? Skip Ahead a Few Chapters to the Summary – Although related to "land the plane," it's worth thinking about how you answer questions posed by others, particularly when answering "why" questions during sales calls, at Board meetings, in interviews, or on first dates (and possibly last dates). Stories are right-brain (emotional, creative) focused, but sometimes a simple left-brain (methodical, analytical) answer is more appealing. Make your point, or even three, but not more. Then, turn over the "microphone" to see where the conversation is going, or you'll lose your audience.

4)??? Game Show Response – We're not challenged to "buzz in" as quickly as possible by finishing someone else's thoughts, nor are we competing to be the first correct answer. Allowing the speaker to finish is a necessary social grace, and it minimizes the possibility that we respond based on an incorrect assumption.

5)??? When in Doubt, Don't Diminish – Despite what we may think, other people also have good ideas. We may believe our ideas are worth more consideration, but constantly finding fault and picking apart the suggestions of others is guaranteed to minimize our ability to influence others.

6)??? Body Language is Overrated (Just Kidding) - You've lost your audience: people are actively playing Wordle on their phones, excusing themselves because they must "get to a really important meeting," or seem to be in and out of their rapid eye movement dream cycle. Non-verbal cues are helpful guides for gauging our impact and resonating with others.

7)??? Generalizing is Lazy Conversation – Sharing broad views of the world leads to missing the details that create positive engagement. Conversations go wrong when we speak with others as if they're solely part of a demographic profile.

Key takeaways? Conversations are shared. Listening promotes understanding. Clarification minimizes errors of assumption. Positive engagement is necessary for our well-being.

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