Settling for Being Right
Beliefs about the self and beliefs about others based on … beliefs. My beliefs are what they are, helpful or not, but when they are projected outward as something other than my particular, they are a form of intrusion, sometimes of attack.
Beliefs divide us because we tend to see them as truths, and we feel certain of the most important among them — how people should live and love and die and worship. We believe our beliefs to be objectively true so that those who do not share them are deemed misguided, ignorant, immoral, or worse.
It is the “versus” that is so dangerous. We learned how to use comparison to prove our own beliefs, our belonging to the original belonging. This family, this god, this tradition, this set of certainties. The ones we both rail against and instinctively protect. The ones we weaponize and are imprisoned by. If I could come to know myself without comparison, perhaps I could be more at ease with my way in the world, deeply at ease with me. Perhaps I could allow my beliefs to be sheltered in my being, in dialog with my heart and mind, honored as internal beliefs rather than inflated into external truths. When I settle for being “right,” am I even looking at the question? Am I looking at the you of you?
When I settle for being “right,” it’s done even before we begin. Imagination, creativity, possibility, all squandered. Slippery cynics in their place, the fast talkers, clever and angry.
I ask myself some hard questions to find my ease. Can I imagine that you and I do not define perfection in the same way? Can I imagine that our gods are not shared? That we do not mean the same thing when we say love? That we do not even see the same green? Can I imagine any of this? Or is my compass simply set for “right” — no detours, no scenic routes, no surprise arrivals? Can I imagine entering without certainty so close by my side I can hardly breathe?
Sometimes I imagine these things. Sometimes I even inhabit them. Sometimes I forget to be “right” … and then there you are, here I am.
HRBP Director at Lyra Health
3 年Thank you Suzi. Ram Dass used to talk about not anchoring in the againstness/rightness/beliefs, there is no where to stand and then where do you stand? For me in the Hellinger work and in the family constellation work that I've done with Mark, it's so clear what the cost is to family systems of anchoring in "rightness". Also, it's clear how deaths that seem like "righteous" killings continue on through the generations of the "righteous", winding their way with suffering towards a resolution. To a consciousness of all and no place to stand.
Intergenerational Trauma Coach
3 年This is just incredible. I have been observing the dynamics of internal beliefs and external projections for quite some time now and coming across this piece of art was a bliss. Thank you Suzi Tucker! Loved it ??
Medical Director, The Center for Optimal Health
3 年You can certainly tell u r a writer! More importantly, u can tell that u have tho’t deeply abt what u write & that it must also alrdy live in u for u to be able to express it so clearly. ?? (This is a perfect example of the Q I sent u in my recent em: I’d like to ponder ur spoken words like I can do w/ur writings.)??
Senior Leadership Consultant, Executive Coach & Partner JohnPress Leadership Advisory
3 年Beautiful piece, thank you... “Sometimes I forget to be “right” … and then there you are, here I am.” As Byron Katie reminds us, only then am I able to truly meet you for the very first time.
For Generations To Come
3 年Thanks Suzi ... “It is the “versus” that is so dangerous...”