Setting Our Ego Aside

Of all the barriers to good leadership, there is probably none more damaging or pervasive than ego.

That is, too much ego.?

Undeniably, ego is the foundation of our self-esteem. How we present to the world, and when subject to negative comparisons or even attack of some kind, it’s part of our defensive apparatus.?

It also drives our development when we seek to extend our learning, our practices, our success.?It’s that very proactive thing of getting better at what we do, expanding ourselves and our horizons.

It even makes us attractive.?Especially when we work with and involve others who get an uplift from our self-confidence and optimism.?And when this is reciprocated—when our egos mesh—we can feel that we are on that proverbial roll.

But like every elixir, too much ego can prove toxic.

In Cormac McCarthy’s new novel, The Passenger, character Long John Sheddan says:

“You see in me an ego vast, unstructured and baseless.”

Examples abound, but are any of us, we ourselves, like Sheddan?

We know that our ego is getting in the way of good decision-making and effective leadership when:

1. We believe that our first response to a problem is always the best.?We call this “instinct” or “gut feel” and we feel unassailable, assuming a cloak of infallibility.
2. We think that we always need to be in charge.?We want to control any team but we never want to be a team member with equal status.
3. We regard life as a contest and that we need to win every game.?We feel that winning is what defines us and anything less is an abject failure.
4. We don’t have the time for other people’s difficulties.?We don’t want to hear that noise.?But we do insist on others appreciating how hard things are for us.
5. We can’t accept being wrong.?We are so convinced of our own rightness that we will not see others’ point of view, let alone concede error or apologise.
6. When things go wrong, we blame others, or the game, or the system.?Our reflex is not to look to understand the situation or to take the responsibility.
7. We believe that leaders are born, not made—they are the chosen few and they have an inescapable aura and entitlement .?And of course…I am that born leader.
8. We regard our appearance, and the appearance of our possessions and trappings and our people (yes, family, friends and staff are our trappings too) as the main game.
9. We take criticism as a personal attack.?We give no credibility to statements that imply criticism of our appearance, behaviour or possessions.?We may even be hostile to feedback.
10. In an incessant search for admiration, we tell stories that are almost always about ourselves.?If and when they include others, our purpose is to reflect credit to ourselves.
11. Our personal relationships are based on using people to make us look good or to further our personal goals.?We see no peers and we have difficulty forming intimate connections.
12. We over-estimate our own ability in difficult situations.?We feel that we know everything, take the simplistic view and underestimate the complexity before us, yet expect always to triumph.
13. We feel that our problems are invariably more important than anyone else’s.?In fact, we may even have a dependence on our problems and feel that these too, define us.

Excessive ego is poison to our leadership and bound to foul the relationships that make business—or any human endeavour—enjoyable and worthwhile.?These belief-based behaviours are about a pre-occupation with an unfulfilled self—not about leading a great cause, much less about inspiring the talents and goodwill of others.

In the cool light of day, such that we may see in this nascent year, most of the above point to us feeling that we are never enough—in other words, regret.?

McCarthy’s Sheddan also said:

“…regret is a prison.?Some part of you which you deeply value lies forever impaled at a crossroads you can no longer find and never forget.”

As leaders, we can instead set our ego aside.

?Next week:?Inspiring Leadership, Ego In Perspective

?About the Author

Jeff Bell?is Principal of executive consultancy ResultsWise in Perth, Western Australia.?To boost your leadership, ask Jeff about consulting, coaching, strategy facilitation, Band of Leaders Australia (BoLA) [email protected] or Advanced Leadership Course [email protected]. Mobile (61) 439 988 662.