Setting the GOALS for your DREAMS

I've never really been one for writing New Year's resolutions and there are a million reasons I feel that way. Probably the most important reason I don't normally spend much time dwelling on it is the fact that I believe change can start at any day of the year if we truly want to do something. But we know that people tend of put off the things they don't really want to do (but sort of think they should...). [But even the idea of the 'want' is something interesting to ponder...What does it mean to truly want something? I often look at is as the end result - do I want the end result of it? Is it meaningful to me or socially imposed (for instance)? If it's truly meaningful to me then the process becomes an easy part.] And, partly, we know this to be true by the number of failed NY's resolutions. Simple example, gyms and yoga studios are overcrowded in early January only to have that taper off in the following couple of months. The point is - if we truly want to do something, we will do it and won't wait for the 1st of January to begin.

I have to admit, though, that I have always found it interesting to summarise my year, look at what's happened in the year that's ending and check in on the general direction I am heading. But this year was different. This year I felt it was of the utmost importance (and this urgency probably came from the fact that I recently became a mother to a sweet girl Mila) to actually sit down and take a long hard look at my life goals and plans, or even more so - to be totally honest about my desires. And this process has been truly eye-opening, and I would go as far as saying life-changing, so I wanted to share some of my insights.

As someone who hasn't done a detailed personal goal planning before although I am a very goal oriented person - just my life goals are usually contained in my mind as I work towards them, here is an outline of the approach I took:

1. I looked at the year ahead and asked myself what I wanted to achieve this year + my most important question: What would I regret NOT having done at the end of this year? I find this question to work really well for me in terms of motivation to do the things I care about, but especially those that scare me! It has worked well for me before so I continue to ask this question, not just at the start of the year but I keep coming back to it throughout the year. Having done this I came up with a rough draft list of my GOALS for 2025.
2. Alongside this process I also did a simple spider graph (radar chart) analysis of my life areas. Although we all know where we stand in all of our most important life areas I found it useful to have it on paper and to truly put down what I needed to work on. This helped inform my goal setting for the year (and beyond) and it helped me divide it into 3 areas: Private life, Career and Health.
3. Once I came up with the goals I decided to set milestones for some of the goals while others I call 'ongoing' - this means the habits that I want to build into my every day life.
4. For the goals with milestones I used a calendar to then break down the 'tasks' per month and per week. As these are evolving I didn't go as far as marking out each month, I'll do this for the month ahead and check in with the overall milestone timeline.
5. For the ongoing habits I wrote down the list of daily stuff that needs to happen such as: 45-60 minutes daily movement/activity such as walking/running/yoga/exercise - corresponding with my goal of always aiming to be in the best shape of my life, to be healthy and fit.
6. In addition to these ongoing daily habits such as the movement habit described above I also calculated the daily time dedication to the milestone-oriented goals. This really gave me a clear idea of my daily dedication and an easier way to organise my day to ensure that I'm achieving my goals.
7. Finally, I did this on a weekly and bi-weekly basis - I listed the dedication of the weekly and bi-weekly goals (I went as far as listing the bi-weekly clean up duties around the house as to go with my goal of always keeping a tidy home but not feeling overwhelmed by it).

The process of going through this took about 3 days - I broke it down into few different goal planning sessions in order to give myself time to be more clear on what I wanted to achieve. My husband also joined so we did our GOAL setting together and it was a great and fun process for us to complete together. It helped us get more in tune with our individual goals but also our life direction as a family + plan our daily and weekly/bi-weekly activities. For instance, both my husband and I love to work out, but with a small human to care for, we now have to be much more organised with our time (and on the same page) to ensure we are both meeting our goals.

As the final touch I made a vision board, something I've also never done before. I used an app as these days many of us don't have a ton of magazines lying around ready to be cut up and pinned on a cork board (although it would've been nice also :)). The photos I chose were linked with my goals and I chose them based on their ability to immediately remind me of the goal - but also the process.

And this was all great until...I started to fall off on my goals. And it's very unlike me. I tend to be a go getter, I don't give up when I want something. So, what was happening...

After some introspection, meeting myself and asking the hard questions + identifying the emotions felt in the body, I came to learn I've had an underlying fear.

I realised that some of my goals were big and they scared the c**p out of me. But I also realised that because of that underlying fear my goals were not set properly. I realised that there was a level at which these goals were realistic and I was trying to limit myself, so I felt uninspired by them. And then I realised why that was. I was trying to DREAM but was also limiting myself. But in order to soar, we must go ALL in!

I also realised there were desires and wants I wasn't even ready to admit to myself yet, let alone put down on paper and set goals around it. I firmly believe this is all due to FEAR. It's the fear of failing, the fear of being shamed, it's the fear of admitting to yourself what you really want to do vs. what you think you should do (socially imposed, remember?). If something is a dream it can remain a dream forever. But if we put it down on paper, then we can fail. And failure sucks. However, it sucks even more to wake up one day aged 80 and realise you still have those same dreams but it's now too late for most of them...

In addition to this I also realised that every time I try to fit myself into a mould of anything I crash and burn quite quickly these days as my ability to settle down for anything has fully extinguished with me overcoming a suicidal depression. My ability to be anything but WHO and WHAT I am went away completely, and any time my subconscious mind takes me in this direction (as it sometimes happens because we're all humans) my body says 'No' very violently and quickly. It's a strong and firm 'No', one that cannot be ignored as my ability to suppress myself and my emotions isn't strong anymore (thankfully). But, on the other hand, I realised I haven't yet fully allowed myself to soar. So, in realising that I can no longer do what isn't fully aligned the only thing that I can do is what is aligned - and that means chasing my dreams.

So, I re-did my goals! Now, this wasn't a huge revamp because the goals did relate to some of my big dreams, but I made a stronger link with my wanted FINAL outcome. As noted at the start of this article, the final outcome is usually what gives me my intrinsic motivation. If I am happy with where I want to arrive, I'll do the work no problem. The final outcome motivates me. And yes, in hindsight we always realise that it is the JOURNEY that truly matters, but motivation for the journey comes from knowing what we want as the final outcome, for me at least. But if one isn't clear or doesn't admit to themselves where they really want to arrive, then they cannot possibly take the steps necessary to arrive at that destination. Now that I've added a layer of magic - aka allowed myself to admit some of my dreams, I feel inspired and motivated to wake up every day and work on my goals. The thing is - this brings magic and inspiration to my everyday life and work that is brimming with possibilities. And this kind of magic isn't limited by possibilities. And I truly believe that when we live our lives this way then we're truly living.

We are each on a sacred journey and that journey extends far beyond our socially limited and imposed goals.

Allow yourself to dream and truly hear your dreams. When you do so - you'll then become fearless in their pursuit. And this will give a whole new dimension to the way you live your life!

P.S. We should all be keen to realise the difference between the 'dreams' we think we want to achieve (are they really ours?) and those that are truly OURS. Those that are ours are felt deeply in our soul and feel like an inner calling that simply cannot be ignored, no matter how hard we try...

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