Setting Better Boundaries as an Introverted Professional

To pay my way through undergrad, I worked as an Assistant Manager at a shoe store.? If you’ve ever seen the TV show Married With Children, featuring Al Bundy as the miserable shoe salesman, you might have a negative impression of the “commercial footwear” profession.? I certainly wouldn’t want to sell shoes at this stage of the game, but for a college dude it was a cushy gig!?

Looking back, one of the real perks of the job was the crystal clear boundaries. At the beginning of each week I knew exactly how many hours I’d be working, and I knew exactly what was expected of me.

My performance metric was simple and objective:?

(Hourly Wage) x (Hours Worked) = Darin's Paycheck

And since there was no way to sell shoes from home, I rarely thought about work when I wasn’t at the store. Essentially, corporate policy did the work of setting my boundaries for me.??

Cut to my first role out of grad school as a Research Analyst, and my boundaries become very opaque.?

As a salaried employee I was expected to work 40hrs/week, but many of my more successful colleagues seemed to be putting in 50+ hours per week.?

My success metrics were now far more subjective.? Was I sufficiently “contributing to culture of research innovation”?? Sure, I think so, but who’s to say??

If you’re an introverted professional seeking to maximize your energy, creativity, and overall quality of life, effective boundary setting is a non-negotiable skill.?

Who knows, maybe if Al Bundy was better at setting boundaries with Peggy and the kids, he would have been less miserable!?

In this article you will learn…?

• Why boundaries matter?
• Why they often seem impossibly challenging to set and enforce
• Simple strategies for creating and communicating your boundaries to maximize your energy and output as an introverted professional???

You probably think of boundary setting as a tool for “keeping bad stuff out”.? I invite you to flip this conception upside down and think of boundary setting as a tool for “keeping good stuff in”.

The “good stuff” being your time, your energy, and your attention, all of which are finite to some degree, making them incredibly valuable.??

If you had no boundaries around people reaching into your wallet and taking your cash, you would quickly be broke.??

Similarly, if people have unfettered access to your time, energy or attention, you will be energetically “broke”.? Sadly, many introverts find themselves perpetually depleted because they aren’t willing or able to set necessary boundaries with those around them.

While setting Setting boundaries is difficult for everyone, it can be particularly challenges for the more introverted among us.

Here's why:

Guilt: Introverts are often highly empathetic and have a strong sense of obligation to clients, colleagues and employers.? The short-term “pain” of inconveniencing others can be so unpleasant that we wind up making one concession after another, to the point where our initial boundary no longer holds any weight.

Fear: Many people are afraid that setting boundaries will lead to negative consequences such as being seen as difficult or uncooperative. This fear can be particularly strong for those in more junior positions, though even the most seasoned and indispensable employees are not immune from this fear - it runs deep and many organizations are not shy about capitalizing on this fear, if it means more output in the short-term.

Pressure to act extroverted: Western society routinely pathologizes introversion and sends pretty clear messaging that any behavior associated with introversion is bad. Case in point - when I search “introvert” on one of the internet's largest photo image websites (unsplash.com) this is the first result:

Yes, that is the actual caption. And no, introversion and Asperger's (an autism spectrum disorder) are not at all the same thing.

Compare the image above to the first result when I search for a photo of an “extrovert”:

Again, that's the actual photo caption.

Introversion is NOT a clinical disorder that needs to be addressed. Nonetheless, in the face of messaging like this, it's tempting to succumb to external pressures to "be more extroverted". And if we think (consciously or unconsciously) that setting professional boundaries will cause us to be perceived by others as having a clinical disorder, we may understandably opt to avoid working on this important skill.

Use these strategies to help you set and maintain your boundary for maximum benefit:?

Communicate clearly: Once you've identified that a boundary is required, communicate it clearly and assertively. Be specific about what you need and why it is important to you. Use "I" statements to express your feelings so that you aren’t perceived as blaming or accusing others.?

?“I might need some focus time to get the report out on time”?

?“I’m blocking my calendar today so that I can get the report out on time”?

Err on being too firm: It’s easier to relax a firm boundary than to firm up a flimsy boundary.

I learned this the hard way when I started mentoring my Little Brother several years ago.?In my efforts to get him to like me, I started our relationship by being loosey goosey with what he was and wasn’t allowed to do and say.? No surprise what happened next - he took advantage of every flimsy boundary and got himself into loads of trouble in the process.? And when I subsequently asserted my boundaries, he pushed back every step of the way.? Lesson learned!

Seek support: Setting boundaries is hard. Particularly when those boundaries are in conflict with the ambitions of others (which they almost always are).

If you are struggling to identify, set or enforce your boundaries, seek support from a trusted colleague, mentor, or coach, who can offer specific guidance and help keep you accountable to making the difficult decisions that come with being an effective boundary setter.

In summary

As an introverted professional, your ability to do your best work is proportional to your ability to set effective boundaries on your time and energy.?

Setting boundaries is inherently challenging, but it’s a leadership muscle that you can develop through awareness, knowledge, and intentional practice.

If you enjoyed this article, please share it with a friend or colleague! To learn how partnering with a professional coach can help you reach your most important goals faster, send me a message or visit www.powerplayleadership.com.?I’d love to connect!

When was the last time you set a boundary and how did you make it stick? Share your tips and experience in the comments! ??