setting 2023 goals (part 1 of 2)

Hello changemakers!

How's your heart today?

It's been a minute since you've last heard from me. That's because I've been sooo present living my offline life, that I lost sight of my online world... whoops! ??

That being said, it is GREAT to be back in the writer's chair and I'm excited for today's edition.

Ask and you shall receive!

I was in a mental tug of war trying to land on a meaningful topic for this edition of Chronicles of Impact.

Then I turned to you for help:

Goal setting wins ??

Because goal setting is a beast of a topic, I've decided to split this edition into two parts:

Part 1: We will focus on unpacking the challenges that exist within the holy grail of goal setting frameworks (S.M.A.R.T. goals) and get to the heart of why we set goals in the first place.

Part 2: I will take you step-by-step through my goal setting process which is rooted in the growth mindset philosophy. Through applying this model consistently throughout my personal and professional life, I've not only witnessed myself grow exponentially, I've also experienced more joy and peace in the journey while getting results.

Ready to dive in?

The problem with S.M.A.R.T. goals

Many of us have been enrolled into the belief that S.M.A.R.T. goals are the best approach to goal setting. While there is much value to be gained from applying this framework, I take a stance that this framework is suboptimal.

Here's why:

Not everything that's meaningful can be measured.

At least, not using conventional metrics. Most of us have become hyper obsessed with having quantitative and objective measures, and while they certainly have their place, they are not everything.

Picture this:

It's your last day on earth and someone asks you "what did you love about your life?". How would you respond?

If I had to predict my response, it would be something like:

"I loved deeply, I did meaningful work, I threw caution to the wind and took a bet on myself, I got to experience the world in its natural beauty; I lived a rich, full, and meaningful life".

Are these objective, quantitative measures? I think not.

Yet, if this is my ultimate measure of success for having a well-lived life, don't you think they should be the foundation in which I use to set my goals??

"Achievable" is subjective (and kind of lame).

Subjective because what I think is achievable will look very different than what each of you think is achievable, even if we had the same calibre of knowledge, skills, and resources. This is because how we view the world is heavily influenced by other factors, like our life experiences, exposure to ideas, the type of people we surround ourselves with, and most importantly - our ability to access unlimited thinking.

Kind of lame because only going for what we think is achievable inherently limits our ability experiment, play, and shoot for the moon. I have news for you. The most inventive and innovative humans are not setting achievable goals. They are working towards making the impossible possible.

I'm obsessed with studying leaders and the most successful CEOs have an expectation that they will only reach 50-70% of their goals. They purposely set lofty, outlandish goals not because they want to achieve them, but rather, because they want to stretch themselves to think beyond what they already believe to be possible.

Time is an illusion (and a colonial construct).

What this means is, time has no meaning until we assign it meaning. If you're setting out to do something that you've never done before, how on earth do you know how long it's supposed to take you?

Following this notion, it's fair to say that the time period we assign to our goals is somewhat arbitrary. Yet, so many us become obsessed with meeting our time bound goals, creating havoc and stress over something that we quite literally made up!

Getting to the heart of goal setting

What's your earliest memory of consciously setting a goal? Do you recall why you set it?

The memory that surfaces for me is getting accepted into the University of Waterloo in their Accounting & Financial Management program. I wanted to pursue my Chartered Accounting designation and, based on my research, I concluded that this was the optimal path.

Knowing that it was a competitive program, I worked my bottom off in my final year of high school. I took night school to boost my grades, volunteered, lead school committees, worked part-time.... I was willing to do whatever it took to get accepted to my dream school.

You can imagine the devastation I experienced when I received my acceptance letter which was not at all an acceptance letter, but rather, a redirection letter to another program (like some sort of consolation prize). It was a sucky feeling.

The thing is, I was accepted into every other university program I applied to. Many with scholarships. Yet, I had a hard time feeling good about how this situation played out. I couldn't help but think, why wasn't I good enough?

Have you ever felt not good enough because you didn't reach your goal? Even when you tried your absolute best?

Do you see the conundrum that we're in? Earlier, I suggested that we should be aiming to reach 50-70% of our goals, which puts us at risk of feeling not enough 30-50% of the time. That's no way to live!

To tackle this, we have to talk about why we set goals and the mental process that is necessary to set goals that leave us feeling empowered irrespective of the outcome.

Goals are the lighthouse and you are the sailor of the ship (credit to Ajit Nawalkha for this analogy).

As the sailor, you must expect that storms will arise, which could potentially throw you off course. Your job is to weather the storm and get the ship back on track towards the lighthouse.

Much like a lighthouse, your goals act as a compass to ensure that you are moving in the right direction. Consider them your north star.

It's about the journey, not the destination.

It seems like we're all under a spell that has caused us to believe that the purpose of setting goals is to achieve them. While this is a valid way to exist, I'm stand firmly in the camp that this is not the optimal way of experiencing life.

The purpose of having a goal is to grow. To become a version of yourself that has yet to exist.

Being hyper obsessed with achieving can be closely intertwined with fear of failure. Our egos are there to protect us, so it's only natural when we begin to operate from our 'achiever mindset', we can unconsciously downplay or deny the reality when we are off course. Even worse, our defence mechanisms may kick in and we begin to avoid or resist receiving external feedback...

We can address this by shifting how we view success. Measure your success by how far you've come in the journey and your ability to effectively course correct. Not by whether or now you've achieved the goal.

It's all an experiment.

I like to think of life as one giant science experiment.

Your goals are a hypothesis and your hypothesis is based on the information you have at the time you are creating the goal. Failure to meet a goal is nothing but a failed hypothesis.

Perhaps your assumptions used in your hypothesis were incorrect. Maybe it was a poorly informed goal. Or maybe unforeseen circumstances arose that impacted how you conducted the experiment.

The more you can see failure as part of the process, the less scary it will be to set big, lofty goals.

Your Assignment: Reflecting on 2022

While the past doesn't dictate the future, it holds a heck of a lot of information that could be useful when looking to the future.

Set aside 30 minutes to complete the following reflection. I recommend putting your reflections in writing.

Let's celebrate!

1. What was great about this year? (experiences, proud moments, impact made, etc.)
2. What were some memories that you created that you will cherish for a lifetime?
3. Which aspects from this year would you want to recreate next year?

What can we learn?

1. What was challenging about this year?
2. What wouldn't you like to repeat in the future?
3. How did you grow from these experiences?

Bonus resources:

• TED Talk by Shankar Vedantham: You don't actually know what your future self wants
• How NOT to Set Goals by Brendon Burchard

Until Part 2... keep on shining ?