Session 4: Understanding Me

Session 4: Understanding Me 

It is Tuesday morning and I’m sitting 36 stories above the rest of sleepy London in the Sky Garden speaking with Dr.Rakish Rana. 

As I reflect from the Christmas and New Years festivities, he asks me how am I feeling? How this period of celebrations have been? 

I replied “Calm and relaxing.”

I actually stayed at home the whole of Christmas and New Years, the usual feeling of partying and celebrating life, I did not feel, instead the feeling I had inside of me was exhaustion, although there was a deep inner calm that was there as-well.

My body was telling me to rest and to meditate.

Over the recent weeks, my mind has been going through extraordinary changes, the peace that has fallen on me is intense, the battle to keep pushing boundaries and limits of my physical and mentality ability has begin to come into balance, I seem to be approaching life in more peaceful and logical manner. 

I had been reflecting on the first 3 coaching sessions over the Christmas break and had came to following conclusion. 

Grieving:

]Session 1: “Refection” - This was about releasing all the feelings about life, it was about grieving, looking at who I am, what I had become, all the scars, all the battles, all the deceit, all the lies, selfish people around me, all the wins, all the losses, everything. 

It was an outburst of emotion, all that pent up anger and frustration, a little like the big bang a few seconds after it has begun to implode on itself, hot gas and rocks flying out all of the universe in an attempt to express the very nature of life itself. At the time and for billions of years after, it must of looked like a complete mess but actually there was a method to this madness one could say, all things working out eventually as we sit here on our little bit of space rock flying around the sun. 

Acceptance: 

“Session 2: The raw and unedited me, no more apologies” - This was about coming to terms with who I am, accepting me for me, creative, caring, happy, selfless, wild, untamed, cutting ties with the ego and what people think of me, this was about being just fine with myself. 

The boost of confidence that I needed, the going into London and smiling at the Sun, smiling at the moon, enjoying the very essence of existence and being joyous over the smallest things, not thinking I have to put on a face on for the public. 

Healing: 

“Session 3: Is balance what I have been looking for?” This was when the first steps of healing really began, the feeling that I am actually okay with who I am and letting go of the past and those experiences that have formed me, accepting and moving on.

Sometimes walking through fire, it burns, its destroys, but it also refines, the rocks melt away and you appear as liquid gold, refined, reformed and sparking, but for the gold itself, it must feel uneasy, it is strange, raw and nothing is sturdy anymore. 

One generally can’t see the beauty or pureness of oneself until the reflection appears in the eyes of those around you. 

So this session, you must be asking, "what was it about in essence?" 

Well it was about understanding what I had learnt and who I had became in the previous sessions. It was about Understanding Me, the change within me! 

It’s like being a new person, having a new set of rules, or lack of rules for that matter, it’s about learning to operate from a different perspective, a different vantage point in life.

Using all the skills that I had been learning, for example to illicit feedback from those around me, learning to love myself, learning to take more time for me, learning to savour the very essence of life, learning to operate more efficiently and most of all learning to become a better human being and member of our society. 

Over all, Session 4? It was about learning how to be me, but just all over again, not the new improved me, neither the old me, just learning how to be me! 

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Thank you.