Servant Leadership
How do you define leadership? One definition is this: a leader is a person who interferes in the lives of other people causing them to do what they otherwise would not do towards what matters to them. This type of leadership is servant leadership.
Let's break this definition into parts. The first key to being a servant leader is to interfere. A lot of people don't interfere in the lives of others because they want to give them space. But once we realize how we're all connected then we understand that as we interfere in the lives of others we're influencing something far greater, including our own lives.
The second key to servant leadership is finding out what other people want. If I interfere in your life to cause you to do what matters to me, then that's manipulation. But a servant leader finds out what matters to the other person. Some people don't really know what they want, while others may be embarrassed to reveal what they desire (for example, a kid who wants a hug). So, how do we find out? One way is by asking questions. Another is by perceptive listening. Skillful listening is necessary because some people may indicate what they want through complaints (i.e. "I don't have time to do this. I don't have time to do that."). The third way to discern what others want is to watch. For example, maybe I wouldn't verbalize that my office needs to be organized, but you certainly notice that it does. A friendly offer to help organize my office may be enough to discern if this is what I want.
What is the third key to servant leadership? Causing the person we're involved with to do what they otherwise would not do. Often a person's belief system keeps them in a place of the status quo. As a leader, my job it to help that person move beyond those belief systems towards what matters to him.
Here's an example that illustrates these three points. Let's say a woman wants her husband to lose weight, but he doesn't want to. If she tries to get him to lose weight - perhaps by denying him sex - then she's manipulating him. On the other hand if the husband tells his wife that he wants to lose weight, then her objective is to help him do so. There are productive and counterproductive ways for a person to interfere. Nagging is counterproductive. But offering to exercise with him or not buying the chocolate that he loves when she goes grocery shopping are productive ways to help him reach the goal he desires.
As we practice these three keys to servant leadership, our influence in this world can be great. For as John Donne said, "No man is an island, entire of itself. Everyman is a piece of the continent, as part of the main."
Enjoy your week and make an outrageous request of someone you care about. Be a stand for excellence for someone else.