Seriously...
by A. A. St. James
Yes, just as I expected, readers demand that I write another Q & A column.
As devoted readers they’ve been stunned by the brilliance of my previous advice. Many readers claim that their lives have been changed for the better because of my wonderful columns. I must humbly agree.
Q: Hector from Riverdale asks: “I feel like I’m being left out of the social loop. Anytime I’m in a situation where my skin is exposed to the world, people stare at me; they whisper hurtful things; their children laugh and point at me; I feel like a freak. I only swim while wearing long-sleeved shirts and trousers. I suffer all this humiliation simply because I don’t have a tattoo. What am I to do?”
A: Hector, Get with it! You must be the last person on Earth without a tattoo. The Pope has one, the Dali Lama has one, I have one, my wife has one; I had all my children tattooed in the delivery room as soon as they were born. Most tattoo parlors have 24-hour service and many have emergency rooms for that tat too that simply cannot wait– just call and ask for ambulance pick-up.
Q: Trudy from Chicago Heights asks: I’ve always been fascinated by the Running-of-the-Bulls in Pamplona, Spain. I know it’s very dangerous and there’s a good chance that I’d be stabbed in the butt by a bull’s horn. Is there a similar event that might be just as exciting but less dangerous and more butt friendly?”
*To read the full column, pick up a copy of the June 7 issue of the Southland Voice*