SerbLink Spotlight- Professor Maja

1. What initially drew you to the field of sociology, and how did your focus on women's confidence and communication styles develop over the years?

I initially discovered sociology when I took an Introduction to Sociology course at UofT and I heard a professor speak at Convocation Hall to a group of 1500 students and was utterly amazed by his oratory skills, his ability to capture everyone’s attention and the content of his lecture. I decided I would take every sociology course I could from that moment on and I haven’t stopped being fascinated with all things sociological since then.

As a health sociologist, I investigate how social life and society impact women's health and well-being. My area of or research revolves around women’s confidence and communication skills. I look at how confidence is defined, what strengthens or weakens our confidence, and how confidence is influenced by human behaviour, culture and society. I analyze how confidence is impacted by the major agents of socialization like, family, schools and peers, workplaces, culture, and religion or spirituality.? I look at how English as a 2nd language impacts confidence and communication skills. I also look at how experiences of racism, sexism, ageism, fatphobia, queerphobia, ableism, toxic workplaces, trauma and bullying can influence one’s confidence and communication style.?

My focus on women’s confidence began as I was finishing my PhD and I attended an academic conference that completely changed the trajectory of my life, my career and my research. I was sitting in the audience listening to a panel discussion of 4 women. These 4 women were each individual experts in their chosen fields and all they had to do was introduce themselves. It sounds so simple but yet, each of them spoke in ways that minimized their accomplishments and downplayed their achievements. I found that fascinating and simultaneously heartbreaking because it mirrored exactly what I was seeing with my young undergraduate students who would preface every question in class with “I’m sorry, this is probably a stupid question, but…” And from that moment, I began researching women’s confidence and communication styles, including apologies and deflection of praise.?

2. How have your books and TEDx talk on confidence and apologies influenced the professional and personal lives of women who have engaged with your content?

My TEDx talk (How apologies kill our confidence) was picked up by TED IDEAS and they wrote a article about it.? They have since reposted this article over 15 times across their social media channels and every time they do this, women from all over the world leave comments on LinkedIn or message me their personal stories of apologies. After every keynote, webinar or workshop I give women come up to me afterwards to speak to me about apologies, how unnecessary sorry’s makes them feel, how their use of apologies is influenced by their culture, their childhood, the parenting style they grew up under, their English language skills, their trauma and their struggles with perfectionism (and so many more reasons). It was these conversations that spurred me to begin my own study on women’s confidence and communication.?

The most common remark I get at the of my interviews with my participants is that they’ll say, “Thank you so much, this was therapeutic, but not therapy” and I couldn’t ask for better feedback than that. My participants tell me how much they appreciate discussing their confidence stories. Women constantly tell me how freeing it is to better understand how and why they use apologies. Women tell me how hearing the stories of other women’s confidence struggles made them realize they’re not alone. Women who participate in my research or attend my talks tell me they have a deeper understanding of what influences their confidence and communication but also how they have impacted other people’s confidence. What’s better than that??

3. Can you share some of the most rewarding experiences from your public speaking engagements and workshops? How have these interactions shaped your understanding of confidence in women?

Whenever I give a public talk, women come up to me afterwards to say things like: “I saw myself in your examples:” or “You were reading my mind!” or “I do that too, but I never knew why” and their stories and encouragement of my work was the reason I decided to begin my global study on women’s confidence 6 years ago. Women would say to me: “Have you considered how immigration status influences apologies, because I never over-apologized until I came to Canada” or they would say “Have you thought about disability and ableism or toxic workplaces? Have you thought about how ageism influences our confidence?” They wanted more answers than I could initially provide, and that truly inspired the questions I ask in my current study.?

Now, as I’m starting the 6th year of the study and I have spoken to over 400 women across 26 countries, across all ages, ethnicities, etc. I am blown-away by their stories. I am inspired and I feel a great deal of responsibility to ensure I do right by them. I deeply believe that everyone’s story matters, and every journey has a lesson in it. I am forever grateful to my participants who have spoken to me for hours and allowed me to peek behind the curtain of their confidence journey.?

3a. What are some preliminary findings??

I can tell you without a shadow of a doubt that confidence is a muscle that strengthens with use. BUT it is a skill that can be built. And with each needless apology we give out, with every deflection of praise, with every bias and microaggression we encounter, with every likeability issue we lose out on, -- all of that, chips away at our confidence.?

Most people think confidence is a feeling, but it’s not. It’s an action. You must take action first, and the feelings of confidence arrive much later. If there is one thing, I have repeatedly learned over the past 5 years of speaking to women from around the world is that women do not innately lack confidence; our confidence is systematically chipped away at, and there’s a difference.?

Confidence is a skill and it's built through action, through repetition, just like any other skill. It can be learned, through doing. You build your confidence by going out of your comfort zone in bite-size amounts through micro-actions.?

4. Your current global study on women's confidence and communication skills is ambitious. How do you envision this research impacting future generations of women?

This is the largest ever qualitative study conducted on women’s confidence, and it is ambitious. But I was determined to ensure it was illustrative of women’s diverse life experiences. I wanted to know how our confidence was influenced (both positively and negatively) by issues such as: culture and immigration status, age and religion, disability, sexism, racism, fatphobia, parenting styles, country of education, workplaces, bullying & trauma, mentors and sponsors, perfectionism and people-pleasing and so many more issues.?

The impact of my research will be determined by the audience who consumes my work, whether they listen to my talks or read the eventual articles and books that will come out of my research.?

But my hope is that women will see themselves in these stories. They will recognize that their struggles are similar, and although their journeys may be different, they will know that confidence is a skill, and it can be built. I hope that women will recognize the plethora of factors that influence their confidence. I hope that through these stories, women will learn that there are both internal and external factors that can both positively and negatively influence our confidence, and that no matter where they are in their confidence journey, their confidence can be strengthened.?

I hope my research will provide women with strategies to strengthen their confidence and communication skills. I also hope that people will recognize that we need to stop blaming women for system issues and that we don’t need to “fix” women, we need to fix the different systems that harm women’s confidence in the first place.?

My final hope is that women will also learn how they may have positively or negatively impacted another person’s confidence and that we will all have a better understanding of the differences and nuances in how confidence is perceived and understood around the world

5. As a sociologist, author, speaker, and mother, how do you manage to balance your professional responsibilities with your personal life? What advice would you give to women striving to achieve similar balance in their lives??????

It’s always women that get asked about work-life balance, never men. It’s always women who get asked how they manage their careers while also being good mothers. That this type of question is still being asked of women in 2024 is part of the problem. Women still do most of the household and childcare duties, regardless of their income. Women do 50% more of this type of labour. Women are also more likely to say they suffer from burnout. Women rank stress as their number 1 health concern. So, perhaps a better question to ask is: why does the responsibility of childcare, household chores, food care, pet care, emotional care, and household organization fall disproportionately on women? Why don’t men spend more time on these duties??

Perhaps a better question to ask is: why don’t we value families more? Why isn’t affordable childcare an option for all families? Why isn’t parental leave standard policy? Why don’t we encourage men to take time off when a child is sick? And lastly, why don’t women do less? Less organizing, less planning, less delegating?? Gender inequality start in the home, it dominos into the workplace. Women have become the default safety net for a society that devalues childcare and family life.?

6.How has your Serbian heritage influenced your career and leadership style, and are there specific aspects of your cultural background that you integrate into your professional approach?

Serbs are known for being out-going, hospitable, and social people. Serbians value social interactions, and they have a warm, open communication style which lends itself well to a life of public speaking. My work consists of my research and my public speaking; while interviewing women, I draw on my listening and empathy skills and while presenting on the stage, I draw on my outgoing nature, all of it influenced by my Serbian culture. ?

There’s a word in Serbian called “inat”, that roughly translates to “persistence”. But every Serb knows there is a deeper layered meaning to this word. It’s a mix of stubbornness, resilience, pride and defiance. It is a mindset to accomplish what you want despite the naysayers. It means to defy others, and there is no greater word to describe the entrepreneurial life. As an entrepreneur, you have an idea that most people think is foolish, so, you take it to the market and test it out, and life is difficult, some months are better than others. People will tell you to give up on your dreams, that it won’t work out for you. They’ll tell you that you should get a regular 9-5 job. But still you persist. And every time you falter, people are waiting to tell you “I told you so” but your “inat” mindset is what allows you to persevere and, in the end, to prosper. That’s being Serbian.?