September 11, 2001: Where was I?

It was a gorgeous morning. Pristine blue sky, crisp air, not too cold. I was down near Broad Street at an 8:00 am panel discussion about social media, when the organizer interrupted the session to say, "I just heard that a plane has hit the World Trade Center." The shock and bewilderment in her voice startled me. I thought, "Air traffic control at LaGuardia is out of control." How else could a plane hit a building?

I took the J train up one stop to Fulton Street. As I stepped out onto the sidewalk, everyone was turned in one direction, staring. I looked and saw the towers in flames, and black things falling. I thought, "Ashes falling..." and went into work. I thought I could have a normal day. I didn't realize that I'd seen people falling, not ashes.

Soon thereafter were the crashing sounds. and someone ran onto our floor, where I sat in my cubicle, trying to have a normal day. "They're evacuating the building, the World Trade Center is falling!" he shouted. How could those massive buildings fall? I wondered. I grabbed my purse and went back out on the street.

Nuclear winter. The air was thick with dust, and the beautiful sunshine glinted through it. My legs moved, I walked, I didn't know where I was going. I was with a work friend, and then I wasn't.

I met a stranger, an older woman, weeping on the street. She lived nearby; I didn't, and she invited me back to her apartment. I can't remember her name or the floor she lived on. But she had seen the planes fly into the towers, so it must have been a high floor.

I don't think I looked out of her windows. I don't remember what we talked about, although I do remember she was from Ireland and blessed me with holy water. She made me a tuna sandwich and I took a nap, after calling my family to let them know I was alive. I don't remember feeling horrified, just stunned. Dumbfounded. After I left her apartment, I walked to Chinatown, which took me... hours? I don't remember. I got home late to the Upper West Side, and looked at my familiar things, and couldn't believe what had just happened. Thinking about September 11, writing about September 11, brings me back to that numb, stunned state.

I can't believe it's been 20 years, and so little has changed. The world isn't better. I've had business meetings in the shiny new WTC building, but I've never been to the memorial or museum downtown.

I don't have an eloquent way to end this story, which I know is minor compared to the experience of so many. I wasn't injured; I didn't see a body fall close to me, I didn't spend weeks searching the wreckage, I didn't lose anyone I loved, I didn't develop dire health consequences. My shock was, is, almost impersonal.

#september11 #911