Separating the Idea from the Person

"Be less curious about people and more curious about ideas." – Marie Curie

A mentee of mine comes running into my office unannounced in as frustrated a mood as I've ever seen him. He quickly apologizes for the intrusion and says he really needs my help. Those I mentor have a standing invitation to reach out to me in between our regularly scheduled sessions should something urgent arise so I immediately invite him to sit down at the round table in my office. I ask him to take a couple of deep breaths first and then let me know what's going on.

My mentee angrily plunges right into grumbling about someone that we've discussed many times before. This adversary and he are often forced to work together on critical projects. Unfortunately they find each other at odds on a myriad of topics and harbor a significant amount of mutual disrespect.

After several minutes of a breathless monologue where he describes in detail their latest disagreement I ask him if all he needed to do was vent to me, or was he open to some guidance? This question gave him pause and he started to calm down. "Guidance" was the curt response.

With that I started to probe into the disagreement with several questions only to discover that the idea his adversary was proposing was actually pretty good. So I focused the next several minutes of our conversation just examining the idea without referencing its source. It only took a few minutes more for my mentee to come to that same conclusion - the idea was in fact a really good one! Yet he struggled and was still hesitant to admit that fully. He certainly wasn't enthusiastic about going ahead and implementing it.

What was the barrier he was up against?

Simply that the idea came from someone he didn't like - his "difficult to work with" colleague. My mentee seemed to be convinced that anything that came from that person couldn't possibly be helpful. Or perhaps he didn't want to give that colleague the satisfaction of agreeing with him.

I asked my mentee one simple, final question: "If you implement this idea will it help you?".

He answered "yes" without hesitation to which I replied: "Then what difference does it really make where the suggestion comes from? You will be a far better, stronger and successful person if you can implement good ideas no matter the origin. Separate the idea from the person and examine it on its own merits." Starting to find common ground with a rival might even help improve the relationship in the longer term. He agreed and left in a far more productive and positive mood.

If we can approach the thoughts, suggestions and advice we receive throughout our day in an objective fashion, test those ideas and utilize them to our own benefit we will be in a much better position than not having been exposed to those ideas. We can turn those we perceive as adversaries into collaborators. And perhaps even one day turn those collaborators into long-term partners and friends. I have had that experience.

"The best way to have a good idea is to have a lot of ideas." - Linus Pauling

Per Pauling's quote, if the best way to have a good idea is to have lots of them then why ever reject any idea simply because of its source?