Sense of Self

If we want to talk about human relationships, then the most appropriate place to start is human identity.

Who am I? What is our identity? And how do we establish this identity in our life? How do we establish our identity? And this is very important if we want to understand our relationships.

Human identity or sense of self or our own self-image, who are you to yourself. it is very important for any person's psychological stability.

Because our identity gives us belonging to this reality. Yes, I belong here. Yes, this is my religion. Yes, they are my parents... these are my dreams..yes I am doing this in life.

I love this person. all these things give us a sense of self... It creates an identity for us. But when we talk only about human relationships, then things get a little complicated here.

Because it is true that we are what we think of ourselves but our thought is always influenced by how we are seen by the world. The way you are seen by the world.

Whenever we post our pictures online, laughing, playing or chilling, then we think that the world is perceiving us this way, seeing us this way. And on such pictures when we get the comment or like of that person who is dear to us, then we open that picture again and try to see it from the eyes of that person. how it would have looked to them, we try to model their perception of us. And in real life too, in relationships, we create our identity by modeling how the other person perceives us.

I am not whom I think I am. I am also not who you think I am, I am what I think that you think I am.

This is a little complicated but it is very profound. And accordingly, we adjust our sense of self and identity depending on who we are with.

We are a different person when we are with our siblings, different person with parents, we are different for our friends and different for lovers.

We turn to our lovers when we are left disappointed with God

But in romantic relationships, we feel that it is an ultimate form of identity. It is said that we turn to our lovers when we are left disappointed with God. Because like god, romantic love is also an act of faith, an act of surrender. And as a lover, we see our complete sense of self in the eyes of our beloved. With their perception, we create our whole identity. All other identities of us fade away.

1. Then what happens when the relationship fails?
2. What happens when we break up?

Whom two lovers are separated, their identity which is connected with the perception of the other person, it collapses. Their all sense of self dissolves evaporates. And that's why in most cases people behave so senselessly in such situations.

Tomorrow is his maths exam and he is not even bothered about it. Because psychologically, not having a sense of self is far riskier than failing in maths exam.

"The Fault In Our Stars" is a novel written by John Green, a renowned author of Young Adult fiction. The story gives an account of Hazel, who can hardly remember life without cancer and has almost given up hope on her life. She then meets Augustus Waters, a cancer survivor, who reads her favorite books for her and hangs out with her and this helps her to gather strength. The two of them deal with cancer and love. This novel shows the sense of identity is emphasized, that how in someone else's presence, our identity gets influenced, that is how after breakups our identity is dissolved.

So what is the solution?

How do we manage ourselves in such situations? How do we pass through such moments in our life, without losing sense, without losing our identity? And the answer is very simple.

Distribute yourself.

Don't put all your eggs in one basket. It means you should create your identity in other fields too. Don't risk all your identity to one person. Do the work which becomes an identity for you. That's why it is said that do the work that you believe in.

Because that way you will be able to make your work your definition. People create a very concrete identity with religion too. The point is that if you keep your identity, your existence dependent on only one thing, be it a romantic relationship, your religion or your work, you are likely to have an identity crisis in your life ahead. Especially when that one thing is a human being.

Do you know..today's street word is "Be who you are". You go anywhere and you will listen to this. If you get stuck in life, people suggest you the same - be who you are. But unfortunately, who we are is not decided by us but our circumstances, our loved ones with whom we are in a relationship.

What we are doing in life decides who we are. And as long as our identity is anchored to the external world, we are all somewhat vulnerable. You can divide yourself as much as you want or distribute your identity as much as you want, we all will remain vulnerable in a way.