Senators Embrace Beachwear and Bowler Hats on the Chamber Floor
By Sarcasmicus Ironicus
In a shocking turn of events, the United States Senate is undergoing a fashion revolution that could make even the most avant-garde designers blush. Majority Leader Chuck Schumer has made a bold move, instructing the sergeant-at-arms to stand down on enforcing the Senate's formal dress code. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's official: male senators are no longer required to don the archaic symbol of oppression known as the suit.
The catalyst for this sartorial shift? None other than Pennsylvania Senator John Fetterman, a man whose wardrobe choices include an impressive collection of shorts, torn blue jeans, overalls, and even a hoodie. Bravo, Senator Fetterman, for single-handedly dismantling the stuffy traditions of the Senate.
But don't be fooled into thinking that Fetterman is the lone fashion trailblazer in the Senate. It turns out that several other senators have already embraced a more relaxed dress code. I mean, who needs suits when you can have T-shirts with offending graphics, tank tops, shorts, flip-flops, and sweatpants,? It's clear that the Senate has finally caught up with the 21st century's fashion zeitgeist.
According to a recent Gallup survey, a mere three percent of American men opt for business attire on most days. That's down from a whopping 14% a decade ago. And, surprise surprise, women are following their lead, with just three percent of them choosing to don suits or business attire in 2023. Instead, they’re opting for comfortable high-waist bikinis, thongs, and bikinis with ruffles. After all, who needs power suits when you can have a nice day at the beach?
Even among the white-collar elite, a paltry five percent bother with business clothing. Those making over $50,000 annually? Only three percent of them care about such trifles. Tutus, princess dresses, character-themed backpacks, and mismatched socks are clearly the future of professional fashion.
In a shocking revelation, an Ipsos poll found that a whopping 58% of Americans believe that shorts, thongs, bowler hats, berets, feathered headdresses, turbans, coonskin caps, crowns, tiaras, stovepipe hats, sombreros, miters, veils, conical hats, Tam o' Shanters, and shtreimels are appropriate attire for the workplace. It's truly a golden age for fashion in America.
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And, don’t think the Senate is immune to this revolution. In fact, five brave senators have stepped forward and pledged to lead by example by adhering to the new dress code guidelines. Starting Monday, you can expect to see:
The only fashion faux pas in this brave new world is open-toe sandals, which were met with disapproval by 54% of Americans. Apparently, even though Jesus Christ and Julius Caesar rocked their worlds in sandals, they're just not Senate material. Yet.
But fear not, traditionalists, for the swing toward informality, may not last forever. When we examine the responses by age, it becomes clear that millennials and Gen Zers are the driving force behind this relaxed dress code. Senate fashion may yet return to the hallowed days of pinstripe suits and power ties.
The times they are indeed a-changin’ in the Senate. And who are we to stand in the way of progress? As we bid farewell to the tyranny of suits, let us embrace this new era of waist-high thongs, bowler hats, and armadillo shoes. It's a revolution that even Karl Lagerfeld would envy.
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About the Author: Sarcasmicus Ironicus is a fashion critic with an eye for the unconventional and a tongue as sharp as a tailor's needle. Known for his acerbic wit and disdain for sartorial conformity, Ironicus has been challenging fashion norms since the dawn of skinny jeans. When he's not critiquing the Senate's wardrobe choices, you can find him sipping on a chai latte and contemplating the meaning of life's most pressing questions, like "Is it acceptable to wear a tutu after Labor Day?" and "Is it possible to accessorize with a Shtreimel?"