Selling yourself (or not) in the time of COVID: A long-ish read

Launching a new service during a global pandemic has been...interesting. 

Listen, I’ll be the first to tell you that I’m utterly sh*t at selling. Ask any of my past retail managers. Despite making a flailing and now-defunct women's clothing retailer a record ￡1,000 in an hour by oohing and aahing at people emerging from the changing rooms (bagged a ￡50 bonus for that btw), I’ve never possessed the gift. 

You know the gift. If you’re reading this, you probably have it. I bet when it was socially acceptable to shake hands, you had a firm grip and would use your other hand to cover theirs in a herculean display of dominance. I reckon you can ‘close’ too. Instead of passively wanging on about the mundanity of life, you clap your heads and declare ‘right then!’ before sliding a contract over the table. 

“Gemma, if you keep verbalising that you’re crap at something, people will start believing it,” said a wise woman in my first agency job. It’s true, of course. I’ve always been the first person to throw my hands up and back away from anything that requires the flogging of wares. It made sense, therefore, to shift from agency account management to something more akin to my unrivalled skill for sitting-silently-and-getting-on. 

Content creation saved my career from going down the swanny - turns out I can sell as long as it’s in long-form. I could get my head down and concentrate on what I do best. Plus, with a sense of humour drier than a New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc and a distaste for socialising, I could be left alone and simply referred to as the ‘writing troll’ (or something a lot less polite, I’m sure). 

It was all bobbing along nicely until one day I succumbed to that niggling voice people tend to hear when they hit 30: “You could do this. Start your own business! You’ll be great.” 

I WOULD be great. I work hard, get results, am well-respected (I hope) - what could go wrong? So, my much more creative business partner and I (me? Never mastered that one) launched our business, which saw us kiss a few frogs with regards to service offering before we cracked it. We created a tried-and-tested, no-brainer of a solution that helps online retailers sell more stuff. With competition hotting up on that space in the wake of high street stalwarts focusing more attention (and budget) online, e-tailers need an extra kick to stand out. 

One problem: The global pandemic. No wait, two problems: 

1. The global pandemic
2. How do I sell during a global pandemic when I can’t sell at the best of times?

Having never been a pushy person, I couldn’t envisage adopting the ‘BUY THIS, MOTHER-F*CKERS!’ approach. Working with business development professionals taught that bribery gets you places but aren’t a lot of people furloughed or working remotely? Imagine the conversation on LinkedIn:

Me: Hi! I’m Gemma from WXY. I understand you’re working remotely right now - can I have your home address? 

Them: What for? 

Me: I want to send you something through the post :-) 

Them: What is it? 

Me: A gift. 

Them: P*ss off, weirdo. [BLOCKED]

I don’t mind a bit of networking where I can actually have a normal conversation with people, but that’s out at the moment unless I want to meet a bunch of floating heads on Zoom. Nobody owes me a favour either, which I’d have rinsed months ago, to be honest. 

Instead, I’ve settled on shouting into the abyss on LinkedIn, hoping someone clocks one of my posts and it’s the answer to all of their problems. What I failed to consider was the shame of ‘the sell’ during a pandemic. People are on here who have lost their jobs, appealing to their network to help them get back to doing what they know and love. And there’s me on my virtual market stall yelling: “Getcher digital platform!”

“Grow some balls!” One absolute w*nker said to me once. Maybe he was right. Perhaps my lack of swinging testes has been detrimental to my ability to sell. Nonsense (b*llocks?), of course. It’s more likely that I’m a bit too apologetic about my existence and feel like a plonker telling people that spending money with me will be their greatest investment. 

You know what? Sod it; no one is likely to make it this far down, so I’m going for it: I’m a good bet. I work around-the-clock to get things done, I know what I’m talking about, and I’m brutally honest (in case I haven’t made that clear). Together, me and Marc (Marc and I? F*ck's sake) are committed to delivering value for money and generating real results. 

Eeee, got a bit het up writing that. Some people running businesses or operating as freelancers might be able to relate. Selling is a real skill, and it’s often easier to sell anyone or anything other than yourself. Not sure what the point of writing this was. There’s no clever twist at the end. I suppose I’m having a moment. Or (wait a minute), I’m actually doing what I know and selling in long-form! Yes, let’s pretend that was my intention all along. Here’s the link to our service - https://gamingbywxy.com/ecommerce-solution.