Selling Kindness In A Quid Pro Quo Culture.

Lets be honest, we almost always expect something in return for anything we do for others, AKA "Quid Pro Quo". Even if it's simply seeking acknowledgement or appreciation by a gesture or consideration, the recipient feels indebted with an underlying expectation to return the goodwill whether it's stated or not. And therein lies the problem; in a world that has become all about self, almost nothing is truly selfless. The Marshal Plan was designed as a goodwill gesture to assist in rebuilding Europe post WWII was a win / win for all concerned but it was not selfless. It provided preferential low interest rates loans (mainly for allies ie our Friends) on the condition they use the loan to buy American made equipment which stimulated the US economy providing jobs for returned servicemen. This was far kinder option that what occurred after WWI where unsustainable interest rates on Germany contributed to the rise of the Nazis Party.

Can you name two things that are truly selfless today? It's difficult to be selfless when others are not, simply because it is not sustainable. Today it seems it's a given that there is no such thing as a "free lunch". Does this mean we have fallen into the trap of always selling the benefits as to why we need to do this or buy that? Sadly even the advocates for a kinder world feel compelled to sell the benefits of kindness, whether its to improve your health or a company's bottom line, we naturally pitch to appeal to the perceived self-interests (What's In It For Us?). Ironically this actually contradicts the intent of encouraging someone to be kind i.e. "a selfless act of kindness". Science frequently cites that the "feel good" effects of doing acts of kindness can result in increased levels of Oxytocin, Dopamine and Serotonin. It's no coincidence that slot machine, tech, video game, and pharmaceutical companies all target a synthetic feel-good hit. People become addicted to products that trigger the brain's neuro-receptors but if kindness makes us feel so good, why are there not more people doing it? Maybe because true kindness is not something you can buy because its not meant to be sold. In fact choosing the kinder option is often the path of most resistance.

"Be kind, It helps your bottom line"

I know why we have to sell the benefits of kindness to a corporation, but is it the best card to lead with? I feel to do this is playing into the narrative of a world that has become all about self. Are we just enabling a culture of bottom line management to dominate their decision making process, rather than choosing the kinder option? Having a void of kindness within the corporate culture, where even the word "kindness" fails to get a mention on the website or in any of the companies training and promotional material, inevitably leads to toxicity and a breeding ground for narcissism. This fosters detachment rather than engagement, competition rather than collaboration, attitude rather than gratitude, and exclusion rather than inclusion. Companies will inevitably ask for a value proposition from a charity seeking donations or sponsorship however, when this happens I pose the question, "What do you expect in return for performing an act of kindness? More often than not, the majority of people say "Nothing". I respond with, so why are you asking for a value proposition, which in laymen's terms means, "What's in it for us?"

I was surprised to see the results of our ongoing 10 question kindness survey which currently sees question 10) "What do you expect in return when you provide an act of Kindness to someone?" with "Nothing" at 47%, Receiving A Feel Good Hit at 36%, followed by receiving Appreciation and Acknowledgment, collectively at 14% with a reciprocal act of kindness in return at 3%. An anonymous survey may elicit a more honest answer than being asked directly but either way I find these results alarming. We know the answer should be "nothing" but the truth is half of us have been captured by a culture that expects something in return.

Companies weigh up the benefits of partnering with a charity with positive exposure and impact on its brand perception, does it align to our message and on occasion, the impact it may have on the staff and clients or maybe the cause aligns to a personal experience of the CEO who lost a loved one to a horrible disease. Either way its a Quid Pro Quo conversation,

James L. Heskett, author of the Culture Cycle said, "half of the difference in operating profit between organizations can be attributed to effective cultures. A culture of kindness results in lower wage costs for talent; lower recruiting, hiring, and training costs; and higher productivity (fewer lost sales and higher sales per employee). Higher employee continuity leads to better customer relationships that contribute to greater customer loyalty, lower marketing costs, and enhanced sales."

The research supports that by adopting a kind culture in your business it benefits the bottom line and yes companies are starting to get on board, but the question I ask is, why and how do they do this if they don't get what being kind really means? Initially this can be seen as disingenuous when the track record may not be one of kindness. This is where we we need to start the conversation to address the myths of kindness. We have been working hard to clear up the messaging around kindness for some time and while I understand it is tempting to lead with selling the benefits, I humbly suggest we don't. The reason why is that it dilutes the message. The real kindness we are needing in this world to bring about real change is authentic kindness. Doing something you do not want to do but do it anyway simply because its the right thing to do, ie, being kind to the unkind. It requires you to leave your comfort zone and maybe put something at risk but you do it anyway. That often requires courage and there is no act of courage that is not tempered with kindness because these are the two things that are selfless. Pay it forward coffees are not going to cut it, neither is selectively being kind, (Note, our survey indicates family and friends are the primary benefactors of acts of kindness)

Yes, we are so far down the rabbit hole it's going to take a major shift in our thinking and behavior to bridge the divide. We need to get real and speak plainly by using the power of the question mark. We need to dig a little deeper and take time to have some honest corporate self-reflection. The benefits will come but that should not be the overriding factor in deciding to join the campaign for a kinder world. Have your organization become an agent for positive change by adopting a purpose greater than the bottom line by meeting the only KPIs that matter. Kindness Performance Indicators. Do this and you will bullet-proof your brand from within. But that should not be the reason why you do it, it should be just because its the right thing to do regardless of the discomfort you may experience along the way to positive change.