Be selfish, help someone else…

For many Melburnians, it feels like the light at the end of the tunnel has turned out to be a train coming the other way. Many of us are already finding ‘lockdown part 2’ tougher this time; whether it’s worry about the virus, isolation, feeling ‘trapped’ with others, boredom, missing out, home-schooling or economic worries – the novelty factor has worn off and the cold reality is setting in.

The news, social media and organisational communications are awash with messages about:

·     Staying connected (with friends, colleagues, family etc)

·     Exercising (responsibly)

·     Eating well and not drinking too much

·     Mental stimulation (lean in to work, learn something, get busy with a project etc)

·     Stress management and relaxation (sufficient sleep, mindfulness, meditation etc)

All of these are indeed important for mental health; it is vital to keep working on these and to maintain balance across them (the sense of ‘control’ that this brings can be beneficial too.)

However, for many, despite diligently working on these areas, something is ‘missing’. One key message isn’t cutting through the media noise - helping other people will help you. I’m fortunate enough to be in a profession where I spend much of my waking hours helping others, typically leaders, to navigate through this challenging situation.

Yes, this pays the bills, but I also find my own worries about the current situation dissipate when I am helping others; the satisfaction of making a difference to others overrides my own headaches. But don’t just take my word for it, the literature on the benefits of helping others to the helper is extensive; for example, studies have found:

·     Volunteering can: boost feelings of wellbeing (we receive a hit of oxytocin when we help others), increase self-esteem, reduce depression, reduce stress, provide meaning (and even increase lifespan)

·     Spending money on others is a greater predictor of happiness than spending it on ourselves

·     Charitable donations activate the same (mesolimbic) areas in the brain as sex and and monetary reward.

·     Helping others can bring greater perspective to our own challenges and elevate gratitude for what we have

·     Helping others in stressful times meets our own biological need for human connection (and we can control it more than waiting for the phone to ring...)

Particularly for leaders, it’s important to embrace the benefits of helping others, not just from the perspective of ‘it’s your job’, but because the leader stands to gain significantly too. When the right mindset is adopted, it helps leaders to be more authentic and effective. Similarly though, if you’re waiting for a call from your leader (or a friend or a colleague), it might be time to check in and see how they’re doing instead - be selfish – help someone else…

Important note on mental health: This article does not substitute professional medical opinion - if you don’t ‘feel right’, particularly for a prolonged period of time, contact your GP.