SELFIE

Anthony Van Dyck’s Self Portrait cost a small fortune, and in order to promote an entirely worthy campaign to raise an eye-watering Ten Million Pounds from the public towards its purchase, the National Portrait Gallery got down with the kids and, on the website, called this seminal work of art, a "Selfie." I think the word used in this context is rather fun, albeit slightly misleading. Much thought, energy, and originality has gone into this particular Old Master, and indeed, all my favourite artist's Selfies;* But these works were painstakingly poured over, all time and talent concentrated to the canvas, to present a story to the viewer, a presentation of the self, definitely not to show not a mirror-image likeness, but instead a considered attempt to show how he or she would wish to be seen.

So how do we present ourselves? Are we, like the artists, always as we "wish to be seen?” Or, as Oliver Cromwell famously asked to be painted; warts and all? (Of course you knew the origin of that expression...) The perfect Social Media Life, especially Instagram, is a complete fantasy, and the truth is that actually, we all know it. We don’t post a picture when we look crap, and delete images that we feel don’t do us justice. So why do we place so much emphasis on authenticity, almost as if it is dishonest that we spend time and effort creating and maintaining the image of what we want people to see?

But isn’t that the point? In the coaching therapy world, we use a CBT technique called; “Acting as if…” It works really well for mild to moderate anxiety, especially around difficulty with communication issues. Consider it as role playing; stepping into the imaginary shoes of someone who you feel would easily handle a particularly challenging situation you are about to experience, and using the language and mannerisms of that particular person you admire.

Instagram can be fun and I got very involved with the #silversisters when, during lockdown, I decided to finally ditch the dye. It was a cold turkey grow-out process which having considerably long hair, took over three years. I was expecting to find some tips on the process of going natural, like recommended shampoos, but I discovered a whole lot more. The psychology behind women and their hair is beyond fascinating. The solidarity and support of the sisters is breathtaking, as we collaboratively navigate our way through the physical and mental challenges of the aging process. I continue to be inspired and have so much gratitude for these cool women. However, most top IG peeps spend the entire day creating content, or dedicate large amounts of time and effort to maintain their following.

Careful editing is not about concealment; it’s about being selective and allowing people to focus on the image or behaviour of our choosing; it’s about proactively taking ownership over who we are and how we wish to be perceived. Learning to regulate our emotions and moderate our communication is an achievable skill, with time and effort. It's not easy, but it is definitely worthwhile, and you will finally have mastery - not just in how you are thought about, but from within yourself.

No fear and much love,

Tanya x

If you want to explore "acting as if..." why not book a conversation with me https://calendly.com/tanyamannrennick/30min