#SelfCare

It's #SelfCareWeek, and whilst that doesn't mean that we all need to go and hug a tree or lay on the grass doing grounding exercises (although this and barefoot walking have known health benefits), as the nights draw in and the weather gets colder, it's a good time of year to remember to look after ourselves.

I want to start this week's People Perspective with the cliché, self-care isn't selfish. And I believe this.

Self-care is an absolute necessity - especially for those of us in professions such as HR when a lot of our role involves giving to others. Self-care is a necessity because if we don't look after ourselves, we have nothing left to give to anyone else, not at work or at home.

Throughout 2012 I neglected my own self-care, thinking I could do all that I was doing and more, and I suffered severely for it in 2013. The warning signs had been there, but I had ignored them, and for seven months I was in and out of hospital, in constant pain to the point I could hardly walk, and in July 2013 I was in two separate hospitals, 48 hours apart having two different operations.

From there, I made non-negotiable time for self-care each day, and I haven't let it slip. I'm a mum of twin boys (almost men, 18 next month), step-mum to two boys, a partner, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a mentor, a volunteer, a boss, a leader, a business owner, a coach and a trainer - I can be none of these things if there is none of me left. I vowed never to run myself into the ground like I did before, and I meant it.

I may not be the slimmest or fittest person in the world, but I'm happy and I'm healthy, in my mind and my body.

Self-care is the one thing I won't let slip on a daily basis.

I have a morning routine that I adapt to suit my mood and the time I have between waking and starting the day, and I do it. I've also realised that our self-care needs to be something that works for us, if it feels too much like a chore, we're likely to not stick with it. And self-care should we something we enjoy, something that makes us feel good, something that works for us.

My day starts, after a good eight or nine hours sleep, with some breathing exercises, some chanting, some yoga practice, some chanting, more breathing exercises, setting my intentions for the day, some meditation and then a juice or smoothie. Once this is done I start my day of being Mum and/or working. Depending on what time I get up, and what my day has in store, my morning routine can last between 20 and 90 minutes (sometimes even longer). I don't compromise my sleep, and I don't beat myself up if I don't spend ages on this. The thing for me is flexibility and kindness.

At the end of the day I go to bed before my other half, journal and finish with some relaxation, meditation or meditation depending on how I'm feeling and what I need. This helps me switch off mentally from the day and set myself up for a good night's sleep.

Throughout the day I may include additional breathing exercises or meditations if I need them, I take regular breaks, listen to music and much as I can, and spend time outside as much as I can (some of my coaching sessions take place outside and I love the flexibility of this) during the day or in the evening. I also know that food and drinks plays a big part in my physical and mental wellbeing.

When self-care isn't a priority, I know how quickly I can spiral into unhealthy habits and unhealthy mind talk - this weekend was a prime example.

On Friday night, my other half and I along with his eldest son, slept in a cardboard box for #SleepOut18, our third year of this event raising money and funds for @YMCA_Burton. I get very little sleep at this annual event, and as I've already mentioned I need my sleep. So a night in the cold, with little sleep, feeling groggy is not the best way to start the day. But once I'm awake, I can't fall asleep again, so I spent Saturday awake, looking forward to my early night.

The tiredness though, wasn't great for my mindset, when I get tired I start to overthink things and the negative self-talk kicks in. Because of the slump in my energy, I search for foods to give me a bit of a sugar rush and end up stuffing my face with unhealthy snacks - which then of course leads to more of an energy slump in the afternoon, followed by another purge of anything sweet I can get my hands on in the kitchen. More negative self-talk kicks in as I feel guilty for all of the rubbish I've eaten, and more sugar is tracked down as I then want to make myself feel better. Oh what a day!

So at 7:45pm, I said goodnight to my family, headed upstairs, did some chanting, some meditation and some journalling and last looked at the clock at 8:35. I woke just before 7am on Sunday morning feeling fresh and positive and ready for the day ahead.

I know these patterns in these myself and in my head. I don't always recognise them early enough to stop them, but my daily reflection allows me to not dwell for too long and to make a positive change every night and every morning - this for me is self-care.

Self-care is different for each of us - I know people whose self-care includes running marathons (each to their own), for some it's painting, for some it's photography, making music, playing football, Xbox (with limits), walking the dogs, writing poetry, a ten minute bath when the kids go to bed - find your thing and do what works for you, that's true self-care.

If you're looking for more tips this self-care week, the Chrysalis Consulting team are posting one tip a day on our social media channels, #SelfCareWeekly will take place on Twitter as usual at 8pm on Tuesday and Garry Turner has recorded some special podcasts especially for #SelfCareWeek - details will be posted throughout the week, take a look and have a listen.

My hope, as with all of these weeks where we raise awareness, is that you can find at least one thing that you can incorporate into your life as a new habit, not just for a week, but for life.

Kelly

P.S If stress is impacting your self-care, my book on overcoming stress could be just what you need - it's full of practical hints and tips and you can buy a copy here.

P.P.S Our Mental Wellbeing for HR open workshop is taking place in Peterborough on 6th December - book here

Not one for thinking outside the box – mainly because she believes there isn’t one, Kelly founded Chrysalis in 2014 after being appointed as the UK’s Youngest HR Director (something she was told she couldn’t achieve with two young sons), after feeling that consultancy needed to more people and less process-driven because – well that’s what gives consultants a bad reputation.

Through her consulting, coaching, talks, presentations, workshops and books, she rips up the rule book and helps people create what’s best for them, their teams and their organisations – not what’s best for their competitors.