Of Trust, Relationships & Covid Scars !

Weekend Musings?

(The Author is Chief Executive Officer & Managing Director of Poonawalla Housing Finance. Views expressed are absolutely personal and do not represent the organisation)

Now with a billion jabs muscled in and pandemic recovery in sight, the Covid scars on human psyche is showing up! Symptomatically these appear na?ve and masquerade beneath the veneer of personal losses, insecurity, uncertainty, lower self-worth and higher self-doubts. Aren’t we witnessing a spate of stressed relationships, fractured commitments and a stressful environment? At work, do we see higher attrition, some traumatised performing stars fading out of the firmament unexpectedly ??Read on if these ring a bell!

The toll of covid scars are?manifesting in all formats of life be it work, home or work from home! Covid slowed us down and provided ample time for introspections. The reduced activity led to lessor?human interactions but paved way for more insights. Pratters recessed and abated, minds ran amuck while hearts witnessed turbulences.?The self-imposed exile of lockdowns provided space for interaction with inner self. Issues inhumed in deeper subconsciousness began surfacing in aloneness and came to the fore. Thus began self -talks (inner conversations) where when one began interacting less externally and more internally. A new process of deeper, inner conversations is unleashed and it all began to matter on communication through self talks. The internal mutterings have gained both decibels as well as amplitude.

It's enigmatic on how these inner engineering conversations happen – where do these emanate from! Do these draw rootage from formative years of childhood ? Or did these get soft coded early in pliant juvenile minds and did they morph later into hard coded belief systems. In summation, did the soft code of “the inner child within” define our self-talks and self-interactions.?So, how we were spoken to, were treated in our formative years, do these define our inner conversations even till now.! And do these conversations within ourselves shape up our self-worth ? Is it important to understand the quality of our conversations within our own selves!

Coming to externalities, most expressions in personal lives are through?chats, mails and cretinous forwards. Verbal expressions have tonality, emotions, gestures and gesticulations. Often, spoken words are better understood in both intent and content. Mails and chats are impersonal; the written messages are read with tonality of one's own mood and mind of momentousness and they draw little consideration towards the intent and feelings of the transmitter of message. Is it often that sensitive messages on mails and chats get refracted through lens of one’s own inner conversations and deep rooted belief systems. So, when one reads a sensitive message, it is often laden with one’s?own projections. How does all his add up? The transmission losses in reception of messages create emotional gaps and leading to relationship chasms and mutual trust suffers a setback in the process. Frictional scalds of emotions and acrimonic sentiments thus galore. These take toll on relationships often rendering a once strong chemistry as fragile and vulnerable.

There have been cataclysmic shifts and spate of unceasing distressing news in personal and business lives over last 20 months. Staying?positive night and day is a tough virtue. So, if self-interactions are mired in such ambient negativity, do these build-up into lesser version of one’s referenced ?self? Are these akin to beating down that "little child within you" and deprecating juvenile's self-worth as a "critical parent" would do. Unsure of self, does one feel insecure and wallows in?self-doubt with expressions such as - can I, should I, is this correct?constantly seeking validations. And it is a holy mess when individuals afflicted with lower self-worth get into odious comparisons with peers and partners leading to further depletion of self worth.

The real issue persists in one’s own mind and never there has been such deep influence of self-talk than ever it has been earlier. The mind is creating gaps and imbalances between one’s perceived self-worth or others perceived higher worth. The higher the gap, the higher is the insecurity. Insecurity breeds fawning with all its concomitant artificiality in relationships.?

So how does one find equanimity and what calms the turbulence in sea of mind! How does one self navigate through inner compass for directions ? How does one find inner guidance authentically ? Eventually does it all go back to the source which emits quality of self-conversations and how do they define self-worth and self-esteem. How does that "little child traumatised deep within each of us" gets understood, spoken to and addressed to maturation??Perhaps there are more questions than answers.

However , one thing is for sure that Covid also came with some gifts and those would could be higher "higher levels of self-awareness and consciousness". ?The self work has subtly begun.

The hope is that may all scars heal, reconciliations with personal losses happen, relationships get decontaminated and deep traumas get gracefully reconciled.

Wishing all intrinsic joys and expressions of happiness

Gratitude and respect to all my mentors, coaches, therapists, colleagues, associates, friends and family!

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