Self Worth

I have two sons.?One a middle-aged teenager and one just entering his preteens.?They have fun together but no surprises then, that they have their share of fights too.??

On one such occasion, I found my elder son telling my younger son – “I am better than you in xxxxx…and you don’t know anything!?Even if you do, it’s not good enough!”

Obviously, being older, meant more experience and being better at some activities like physical activities and games!

My younger son was extremely annoyed, and so we agreed to break from the argument & headed for a walk.?Being his mom, I tried to talk him out of feeling sad.?He interrupted and asked if he could tell me a story.?I was surprised and agreed to hear him out.?So, here’s how the next few minutes went:

Younger Son: ?What will you do, if there was a nice 100 rupee note on the street?

Me: What do you mean by ‘nice’?

Younger Son:? Meaning – it’s not dirty or crumpled.

Me: Oh ok. I will look around and if I see that it does not belong to anyone around, I will pick it up.?Probably anyone else there would do the same.

Younger Son:?Even, I would do the same! (smiles).?Now what if the note was a little crumpled?

Me: I’ll do the same thing because it’s still a 100 rupee note!

Younger Son:? Yeah. You are right! And I will also do the same thing!?Now, just imagine, that the note is fully crumpled, soiled and looks really really dirty. What will you do?

Me (After a pause): Still the same action.?I’ll pick it up, as the value is still the same, right?

Younger Son:? Correct.

Me: What are you trying to tell me?

Younger Son:? See, the value of the 100-rupee note did not reduce, even if it was dirty, crumpled, thrown…, so, no matter what anyone tells me, about myself, I know that I am good at many things and not good at some things.?And it’s ok.

Me: Silently kept walking next to him.

I was amazed at how my little boy, not only related to the story but was able to apply it in real life!?

This is not the first time, I had heard about not letting other’s thoughts, perceptions, views impact and make us re-evaluate our self-worth. But this little incident got me to try and better understand:

·?What is self-worth?

·?Why is it important? and

·?What can one do build self-worth?

What is Self-Worth

According to the Merriam-Webster?dictionary, Self-worth is “a feeling that you are a good person who deserves to be treated with respect”.?

It is more about valuing one’s own inherent worth as a person. It is about who you are, not about what you do.?It is having an unshakable faith in yourself.

Self-worth is not to be confused with self-esteem.?Self-esteem comes from external sources, outside of yourself, that you have no control-over.

Importance of building self-worth

Healthy self-worth enhances positive mental health & well-being.?It enables an understanding that it's not the end of the world and shields us from emotional turbulence.?

Instead of focusing on the failures, what didn’t go well and being stuck, a person who has understood self-worth has a better ability to cope with failures and setbacks.?S/He can move past and look for ways to bring in positive changes and improve.

How to Build Self-Worth

The first step in building self-worth is to stop comparing yourself to others, evaluating every move, to please others.

There is an inner critic, within us, who is a ‘self-proclaimed’ coach, nagging us since our childhood!?This coach is always reminding us of our worthlessness, that we don’t deserve love, happiness, and contentment in life, in comparison to others.?

It is critical to challenge this inner critic and begin to recognise, acknowledge, and appreciate ourselves, for who we really are - our own values, principles, feelings, thoughts, and desires.

Another way to foster self-worth is by practicing compassion towards oneself.?

It is built on the concept of ‘treat yourself the way you would treat a family member and/or a friend’.??

This would involve acknowledging suffering, being caring to oneself in response to suffering and most importantly, accepting that it is a part of being human & everyone has a share of it.

Many times, being involved in activities that show us a larger purpose in life give meaning to our lives, significantly help in building self-worth.?

Each of us, have a set of principles that we respect and follow.?Acting along the lines of these principles, is another way of fostering self-worth.?If our actions do not align to the principles we believe and respect, the inner critic is bound to be activated!

None of us are perfect, but we can get better from our yesterday’s version, by having a good understanding of ourselves and our self-worth.?

"You, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

~Buddha