Self-Validation

First of all, let’s look at what validation means. It means to express understanding and acceptance of another person's internal experience, whatever that might be. That does not mean you agree or approve. Validation builds relationships and helps ease upset feelings.?

Knowing that you are understood and that your emotions and thoughts are accepted by others is powerful. That’s why I included this in the self-care series as well.

Self-validation is accepting your own internal experience, your thoughts, and your feelings. That also doesn't mean that you believe all your thoughts or think your feelings are justified. There will be many times that you have thoughts that surprise you or that don't reflect your values or what you know to be true.?

You will also have feelings that you know aren't justified. If you fight the thoughts and feelings or judge yourself for having them, then you increase your emotional upset. You'll also miss out on important information about who you are as a person.

When you validate yourself, your thoughts and your emotions, it will help you manage them better which will give you a feeling of calmness. Validating yourself will help you accept and better understand yourself, which leads to a stronger?identity?and better skills at managing intense emotions. Self-validation helps you find wisdom…I knew there was a reason I needed more of this!?:-)

Humans share an innate drive to connect with others. We’re evolutionarily wired to crave inclusion. Many years ago, this was linked to our survival; in prehistoric times, rejection triggered fear. If someone became isolated or was ousted from the group, his or her life would be at risk.

Because the consequences of being rejected were so extreme, our brains and behaviour adapted to avoid disapproval from others. In fact, research has shown that social rejection activates many of the same brain regions involved in physical pain, which helps explains why disapproval stings.

Today, we’re no longer cave people running around trying to spear dinner and dodge predators. But our aversion to rejection still runs deep. Sometimes, we have trouble thinking we’re successful?or being good enough,?unless we receive validation from others — and that’s especially true at work.

However, constantly seeking approval in the office can seriously derail your professional development in the long run. But trying to please your boss, clients, or co-workers by?working long hours,?or striving for nonstop perfection can lead to burnout and unhappiness at work?and in your personal life.

Learning to validate yourself is not so easy.?Mindfulness and self-validation go hand in hand. Being mindful of the thoughts you are having and the feelings you are experiencing is necessary before you can validate that internal experience.?

Some simple steps you can take to validate yourself:

1.????Notice how you feel and what you need

2.????Accept those feelings and needs without judgement

3.????Don’t over identify with your feelings

4.????Use positive affirmations to support your self-validation.

There are many more ways you can help yourself but remember, at the end of the day, the only person you need to answer to is yourself. Your own self-approval is a crucial aspect of your integrity and will keep you happy and fulfilled in the long run. By working to free yourself from approval-seeking behaviours at work, you’re honouring yourself and your needs and setting yourself up for long-term happiness.

“Knowing others is wisdom, knowing yourself is enlightenment”

This article will not be the last one in the series but the last one at this moment as I also want to add value by doing a series about Values…Basic Human Values.

I sincerely hope some of these articles are useful to you and that you are actively implementing them in your daily life. We all know that only taking action will change things for us all.

Our lives will change by choice, not chance! So I hope you will choose wisely...your life may well depend on it!

Here is the link to my video about this article: https://youtu.be/AMhOUazTwa0

Jan Robberts