Self respect is different than self esteem

Self-respect is quite simply respecting yourself. However, each individual has their own perception of self respect. I look at my personal self respect in various contexts: others: in order to respect myself I must first respect the wishes, thoughts, feelings, etc of others. If I cannot respect others, how can I respect myself? morals: in order to respect myself I must also be respectful of the morals of others. What I consider barbaric may be a normal activity to others (i.e.: fighting at hockey games, honor killings, etc). If I cannot be at least open to the concept of different cultural norms, how can I respect myself?

About religion: different people have different religious beliefs. If I am unwilling to accept all religions as equal, how can I respect myself? There are more, but you get the point. No one in this world truly has self respect because at one time or another, we have all had thoughts about others that go against our own belief system and code of values, which enable us to have a sense of self respect.

Self-respect and self-esteem are essentially different. Self-esteem comes from how you think and feel about yourself. Self-respect comes from what you do. Although you can work on changing your thoughts and feelings alone, the path to self-esteem is far less difficult when you work on self-respect. As I said, self-respect is based in action, and it's much more productive to take positive action, regardless of your thoughts and feelings, as your actions will eventually impact your self-esteem. Action is the most powerful force for positive change you can apply. Combine action with positive thinking, and you have the ability to reinvent yourself inside and out.

If you want to improve your self-esteem, feel more confident, enhance self-love, and improve the overall quality of your life, then let's start with self-respect. Here's how to gain self-respect in simple steps: Determine your values first. Random action based on guess-work or the opinions of others won't do the trick. Your actions must be guided by your values, and your values must reflect your authentic self. These values are the foundation for every decision and action in your life. Act against your values, and you'll lose respect for yourself. If you don't know your values, take a look at this list of 400 value words. Spend some time on this exercise. Everything else hinges are defining these for yourself.

Write a Self vision. Once you know your core values, it's time to think about how you want to apply those values in your life and work. Are you mindfully creating your life or simply reacting to circumstances? Do you know who you are, what you want, and how you're going to get there? Take control of your life by creating a vision for it. Even if your vision seems impossible or improbable, write it out anyway. Define your ideal in every area of your life, from your relationships to your career. If you need help writing the vision, read this post.

Then choose your priority. After you complete your vision, choose one area to work on that will have an immediate positive impact on your life or career. Create a very specific goal related to this part of your vision. For example, if your vision is to buy a house in a particular city, then your first goal might be to start saving $200 a month. Or it might be to create a plan to move to that city. Make your goal “smart” — specific, measurable, assignable, realistic, and time-related.

Of course take action. Once you define your first goal, break it down into action steps, and create a calendar of action to perform those steps. Don't overwhelm yourself with too much when you first begin. Take very small actions daily so you are motivated to proceed. As you create momentum, you'll be inspired to tackle bigger parts of your goal. Small achievements boost your self-respect and confidence, and create energy to keep going.

Create accountability for yourself. Announce your goal publicly to family and friends or even on social media. Report daily on your actions, and ask for support and feedback. Accountability has been proven to accelerate action and success. If no one knows what you're doing, you'll be more likely to quit. Ignore your thoughts. One of the reasons we avoid taking action (and therefore lose self-respect) is because of our negative, limiting thoughts. The minute you create your vision or define your goals, your mind will swoop in to harass you. It will present all of the reasons why you won't be successful and all of the potential negative consequences of your actions. Don't listen. Fearful feelings and self-doubt arise for everyone when they implement change. As you continue to take small, positive actions, those thoughts will diminish.

Change your thoughts. Beyond just ignoring the negative thoughts, be proactive in replacing them with positive, affirming thoughts. Positive affirmations aren't simply feel-good statements. Affirmations have been proven to enhance performance, reduce stress, improve willpower and self-control, improve problem solving and creativity, and build social confidence. When practiced deliberately and regularly, affirmations reinforce the neural pathways in the brain, making the connection between two neurons stronger. Write a list of positive affirmations related to the inevitable success of your goal. For example, an affirmation might be, “I am living in a beautiful home that I can afford in San Francisco.”

Always expect setbacks in life. Failures and mistakes are part of taking action. Expect them to happen, and change your mindset about them. These setbacks don't have to impact your self-respect or confidence if you view them as stepping stones to your ultimate destination. Anyone who has ever been successful experienced many setbacks on the path to their success. The key is to mine any nuggets of information from the setback and use those nuggets to help you try again more successfully. Once you learn from your setbacks, move on as quickly as possible without looking back.

Treat yourself respectfully. In addition to taking action on your vision, take action on treating yourself with respect. Even if you don't have self-respect yet, change the way you talk about yourself and behave toward yourself. Don't demean yourself in front of others or behave in ways you know you'll regret later. Picture yourself as a respectable, admirable person, and act “as if” you are that person until you feel it.

Spend time with respectful people. We tend to attract people in our lives who reflect our state of mind. If you're lacking in self-respect, you might be reinforcing your feelings by surrounding yourself with people who don't respect you. Begin to create boundaries for yourself that show others you have self-respect. Release people from your life who don't honor your boundaries. Actively seek out people who treat you the way you want to be treated.

Perform a self-check. After you've been working toward your goal and vision for a few months, evaluate how you're feeling about yourself. Acknowledge what you've accomplished, even if you haven't reached the ultimate destination. Are you proud of your efforts? Are you honoring your values? Do you feel more confident in your abilities? If you answer “no” to any of these questions, what can you do to adjust your actions or goals to get back on course? If you answer “yes” to them, you'll notice you have more respect for yourself, and as a result, you have more self-esteem.

Now don't stop there. Your self-respect needs to be fed. You can't maintain self-respect based on just a few successes. Continue to refine your vision as you move into different phases of your life. Continue taking positive actions that move your closer and closer to realizing your vision. Constantly measure your goals against your values, and every few years, clarify your values based on the changes you've made in your life. If you want self-respect, don't stagnate. Seek out meaning and passion in your life. Look for opportunities for growth and positive change, even if you feel scared. Jump into the river of life and keep moving. You'll find self-respect comes naturally if you do.

It is important to have self-respect at least for me to look in the mirror and know I have done the right thing all along. Although I’m not a saint but God knows there are things as humans we do and then regret and I try not to repeat those mistakes again. Having coached very successful and powerful people, all the way down to entry-level brand new employees, I’ve noticed there is one common thing that negatively impacts all the people: the need for outside approval.

About 10 years ago, this could be managed to some degree. Today, everyone you know is on social media bragging about what they do, what they have, and how amazing they are 24/7. And here is the worst-kept secret - its all BS. But what does this have to do with self-respect? In my humble opinion, the greatest cause of internal pain and sorrow is the fact that so many of us go outward versus inwards. When you go inward, you think about the various elements that make you, and you try to understand what makes you tick. You might look at things like: How do I like to behave when I’m at home/work? What truly motivates me? Why do I get up in the morning?

What is my thought process? How do I react to outside events? Do I freak out over who is President, what my boss is doing, or am I instead looking at what I do each day and focusing on productivity? What are my emotions? I wrote extensively about this here: What are some common traits of the highly emotionally intelligent people? What were the pivotal moments in my life, and are they impacting what I’m doing today? Is that good or bad for me? You see, once you can answer these questions and truly learn about the intricacies of you, then you begin to have more respect and love for yourself.

You will begin to realize that everyone has pain, problems, inadequacies, and challenges in life. You will quickly find that most people do not go inward, and just go about their lives in a reactionary state of being. So how important is this process of self-respect? Here is just some of the benefits of living/thinking this way: You won’t get jealous when you see people appear to be doing or having more than you. You will realize that no matter how much you have, someone has more. No matter how little you have, someone has less

You won’t let people blame, judge, shame, or criticize you. You just won’t accept their judgement like that. Instead, because you have self-respect, you will understand that anyone who talks to you like that is likely projecting their own feelings of inadequacy onto you. Because you treat yourself with love and respect, others will notice this about you - this is definitely non-verbal communication. But they will just be able to sense it. They will respect you more and treat you better.

The people closest to you will respect your boundaries instead of taking advantage of you. I could go on and on, but the absolute most important things in life require self respect as a prerequisite. Just as a word of caution, here is what the opposite of going inward looks like and sadly, the vast majority of people fall into this category. Thinking that if you do more things, people will approve of you more. This is the greatest lie ever told. If someone hasn’t learned SELF approval, then they can’t approve of you. Therefore, no matter what you do it will never be enough.

If I make more money, I’ll be happier. It’s kind of true: Focusing too much on your looks or physical traits. We all look different and beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Without learning self-respect, you’ll never be happy with your appearance and we all know what negativity that can bring. I would focus on health more than strictly appearance. Waiting for others to say/do nice things to you. Do them for yourself. Notice a theme here? Don’t wait for others to approve of or show love to you - show it to yourself.

Focusing more on how you appear to others, vs. how things truly make you feel. This creates a cognitive dissonance that can be so damaging to your emotional/mental state. In the end, you should do what you want and what fulfills you (just don’t neglect your practical needs). Hopefully this gives you some insight into the importance of self-respect. How would you treat some one that you admire? Treat yourself just like that. Respect has to be earned. So if you don’t respect yourself how would you expect anyone else to respect you?Appreciate your uniqueness and understand your gifts. Cheers!