Self-Reliance begins in the bedroom

October 19, 2018, was a calm, lovely day in the Hawaiian Islands of Maui. Ashore, I could hear voices of the people of Maui, beach-goers, vacationers and beach-dwellers enjoying the golden day with soft trade winds. Relaxing within the peaceful ambiance of the sandy beach, I had given little thought to how my day had started off. I had set my clock for 5 am so l could get up early enough to run on the beach before sunrise. I looked over at the clock and mumbled to myself “I am on vacation. I should be sleeping in”I rolled over to try and get back to sleep but it was not happening. So, I got up, stretched, and off I went to the beach. When I got there I was at peace. I then realized self-reliance starts in the bedroom. The capacity to rely on one’s own capabilities and to manage one’s own affairs independently is self-reliance. It is continually questioning what we need and tapping into our creative power to manage our lives. By relying on yourself, you become empowered. This intellectual independence means insisting upon you. As Ralph Waldo Emerson once stated “Be your own guru. Don’t dismiss your thoughts just to hear it from somebody else” To be self reliant, one must go through these four steps:

1.   Self-Awareness – Who am I?

2.   Self-Navigate- Where do I want to go?

3.   Self-Leadership – How will I get there

4.   Self-Regulate – How will I sustain my “why”

Then repeat...

Self-Awareness

This is asking yourself. “Who am I?”

I call this the emotional GPS. Self-awareness is the ability to see ourselves clearly. It gives us power. By being self-aware, you become more fulfilled and independent. Hence, you develop great communication skills. The first thing in being self-aware is knowing who you are NOT. Once you figure that out, you can start working on your passion. If you become a student in an area/subject that you are passionate about and spend at least an hour a day studying it, in 5 years you will become an expert in that subject.

You can always tell the people working on their dreams by the way they walk. They walk with confidence and feel empowered. What will it take for you to achieve your greatness and be self-reliant? Here are a few steps for achieving self-reliance through self-awareness.

1.   Free your heart from hate.

2.   Free your mind from worries.

3.   Evict things in your life that are not doing you any good.

4.   Don’t put a lid on your beliefs.

5.   Find your tribe and don’t try to be someone else.

6.   Dissect success by being grateful.

If you could give the world a 30 second speech, what would it be? The search for self-awareness is continuous. My favorite quote on self-awareness is by Rumi; “Yesterday I was clever and so I wanted to change the world. Today I am wise, so I am changing myself”

Self- Navigate

Where do I want to go?

Some people resist going to a movie or grab a meal at their favorite restaurant by themselves. The fear of being alone or worrying about what others will think prevents them from being self-reliant. Creating alone time is essential. It allows you to self reflect and gives you an opportunity to navigate your mental health. This self-navigation will reawaken your sense of independence and give you confidence ultimately leading to self-reliance. This time alone allows you to set goals that are specific, manageable, attainable, realistic and timely. You may set a goal such as “I will not say anything dis-empowering to myself “or “I will thank my employee for the small wins without criticizing him/her.” If you had a bad day yesterday, don’t try to fix what’s behind. Run for what’s in front of you. Realistically, we only have two results to achieve; the good and the bad. The one that you feed wins.

If you have ever vacationed in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico, you are very familiar with the vendors who walk around the beach carrying their daypack of products with sweat dripping down their faces. During my holiday, I sat on my beach chair and observed them. Most of the time, the beach goers and vacationers were saying no to these vendors’ products. But they relentlessly continued to move on to the next tourist and the next as if the rejection never phased them. In fact they would occasionally go back to the vacationers who originally said no, hoping for a different response. They have mastered the art of self-navigation. They rely on themselves to navigate until they find that perfect customer regardless of the obstacle they are facing. What is in your life that gives you the drive to keep on going? The key is to find your life purpose. To self-navigate, ask yourself these questions:

1.   Who are you?

2.   What do you love to do?

3.   Why do you do what you do?

Self-Leadership

How will I get there?

Self-reliance is leading yourself first. What is the first thing you do when you wake up to lead yourself? When your day commences, begin with a good clear vision as you prepare your day. Since you have already navigated, the next task is to move forward with the goals you have set up. Your happiness in the morning will depend on the quality of thoughts you have. The best time to escalate your thoughts is the first hour of your morning. I call it “the essential hour.” This is when you are open to wisdom. The quiet stillness of the morning is a luxury for your mind. These are the moments where your thoughts set the stage. Your thoughts are your own and unknown to others. The world will notice how you treat yourself. Whatever your morning thoughts are, if they lead you to a path of positive energy, and you treat yourself well, the world will follow.

Self-Regulate

How do I sustain my journey? You have to love what you do to sustain what you do. It’s difficult to be driven by what you don’t enjoy. To self-regulate means to know what your core values are so you can continue being self-reliant. Can you define your core values? To figure out your core values, start by remembering the times you were most proud and happy. This will help you determine what your core values are. Then from there, prioritize them.

Core values are things you know about yourself that regardless of what happens, they don’t change. Knowing your core values will help you have a life of purpose and keep you on the right track.

1.   Create a culture of positive attitude. Be the best you can be. Ask yourself what an ultimate person is. Then be that person. Have a positive attitude as only you can control it. Wake up in the morning with a backhand spring and ready to take on the day. Control your controllables.

2.   Preparing and investing in what you do is important. Core values can include sacrificing your time to be your best by making smart choices. If you have a choice between eating junk or healthy foods, choose healthy foods. If you have a project due in a week, start yesterday. Sacrificing and doing more than the average person is willing to do is your path to being self-reliant. Instead of staying up on social media, go to bed and start your day with a driven attitude.

3.   Gratitude is also an important core value. I had an opportunity to visit a small village in Cuba. As I approached the children, I saw them with big smiles. Some were wearing oversize pants and holding on to their pants so they wouldn’t slip off. Some had light red hair and big bellies showing signs of malnutrition. But the children displayed no signs to indicate they were unhappy. This was the life they knew and they were grateful for everything they had. Gratitude is a core value that will consistently keep you on track with what’s important and what makes you more self-reliant.

4.      Integrity is important in building your core values. I am reminded of a story of a CEO who was retiring within a year and had no children. He called his top executives. He looked at the four people in the room and said, “One of you will become the next CEO next year when I retire. “He gave each one of them a seed and told them that the one who comes back with the largest plant will be the new CEO. Gabriel, one of the executives nurtured his seed by watering it, putting fertilizer in it, and even talked to it. Unfortunately, it showed no signs of growth. His wife helped him and he even researched ways to make the plant grow. Still no growth. Meanwhile, the other three had their plants growing tall. The CEO invited them all back with their plants. Everyone made fun of Gabriel for his plant had not grown. The CEO looked around and invited Gabriel to come up in front of the room where he announced that Gabriel was going to be the next CEO. He said that he had given each one of them dead seeds. Gabriel was the only one who did not cheat. He told them that they all ought to be like Gabriel. Integrity is an important core value. It is important to do the right thing especially when nobody is looking. This core value will self regulate you to be more self-reliant.

Self-reliance does indeed start in the bedroom. As soon as you wake up you will be self-aware, begin navigating your path by leading yourself and finally sustaining your journey by continuously self-regulating and then repeat the cycle. At the end of the day, the only person you can truly rely on is yourself.

Harriet Tinka, BBA, CPA, CMA, CCP

Entrepreneur, Speaker, Presenter, Teen Girl Coach, Author