Self-regulation doesn't just happen

“Self-regulation” sounds like it should happen automatically, right?

Except often, it doesn’t.

It takes awareness, energy, and time to reach the point where self-regulation happens naturally.

We were reminded of this recently when we were stuck in a New York City parking space, blocked by a huge truck whose driver refused to move it.

My sister and I had a time-sensitive appointment to get to, and we were under pressure because we had just finished a business meeting that ran late. We dashed to our car, only to find that a 24-wheeler had double-parked right next to it.

No driver in sight, of course.

The car parked behind us was obviously in the same situation, with the driver already honking his horn, hoping to get the AWOL truck driver's attention.??

The truck driver returned, opened up the back of his truck, and started unloading.?

We asked: “Could you move the truck before unloading so that we can get out of our spots? We have an appointment to get to.”

The truck driver’s answer: "Nah. You guys can wait."

?!?!?!

To say we were upset is an understatement.

How rude! What chutzpah!! How can he possibly think that’s okay?!

The guy behind us was still honking his horn, getting more and more agitated.?

We knew we were going to be late for our appointment.

We knew we were stuck in our car for the next 10 minutes, at least.?

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And we also knew we had a choice:

We could either join the honking and/or fume about the rudeness of the driver and how stressed we are about being late for our appointment.??

or?

We could enjoy the 10 minutes we had together in the car.?

What did we do?

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We turned on the radio (pretty loud, to drown out the honking).

We reminisced about the songs that came on (stuff from our teenage years).??

We laughed.

We chilled out.??

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7 minutes later, the truck pulled out.

The guy in the car behind us looked SO angry, red-faced and all. His day was definitely ruined.?

For us, it was at most a nuisance. Even a positive memory of togetherness.?

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Now, we haven't always been this way. We've struggled with regulation all our lives.?

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But at this point in our journey, we have the awareness, knowledge and practice that enables us to make that shift and let go. To get to a place of regulation and inner balance. To be present and joyful.?

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It’s amazing. We’re so thankful to have reached this point.

The journey is different for everyone because every person has a unique brain profile. That’s why in our self-regulation programs we teach a variety of strategies for self-regulation.?

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Breathing exercises may work for one person.

Cognitive reframing for another.?

Changing the physical environment - like putting on music, as we did in the car - is yet another strategy that will work for different people at different times.

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So if you still struggle with self-regulation, don’t give up.?

It may take more time, and awareness, and practice.?

But you CAN get there.

We’re living proof.

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If this story resonates with you, or if you’re looking for practical strategies to support your self-regulation journey, I have something special for you!

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Whether you’re a parent, educator, or professional, this kit offers tools to foster awareness, balance, and joy in your daily life.

Let’s make self-regulation more accessible and empowering for everyone!

About Amy and Evelyn Guttmann

Amy and Evelyn Guttmann are expert neurodevelopmental clinicians and sought-after speakers. They have evaluated over 12K children and have a rating of 9.7/10 for their learning experiences. They run Hands on OT Rehab, a private clinic in Brooklyn, NY focused on treating children with anxiety and processing delays, and Hands on Approaches, a continuing education provider for mental health therapists and professionals accredited by AOTA, APTA, ASHA, and the NYS Board of Education.

Amy and Evelyn are the founders of H.O.P.E Foundation, a non-profit supporting parents and the community in preventing anxiety and getting the support they need for their children.

Amy and Evelyn have been providing professional development since 2018 to organizations looking to boost employee well-being, performance, and retention, leveraging neuroscience and occupational therapy to create positive, thriving cultures.