Self-reflections and next steps

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do." - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, Germany

It's time for some reflection and an update on why you haven’t seen recent posts about my novel, The Life Story of a Cell. I’ll explain that toward the end, but first, I want to remind you what the first book was meant to convey.

At its core, I wanted to highlight a dangerous pattern—one that can lead individuals into clinical depression and even cause societies to spiral into struggle or war: a gap, combined with an out-of-control positive feedback loop. It’s that simple. Of course, this isn’t a universal explanation for all problems, nor is it a silver bullet. I myself briefly relapsed even after fully understanding this pattern.

Avoiding that downward spiral takes practice, deep self-awareness, and self-discipline. More importantly, it requires a strong support system. Only then can we navigate the inevitable challenges of growth. Because as long as we are alive, growth is unavoidable. Change is the only constant, and resisting it creates the very gap in our minds that can lead to depression.

Growth isn’t just about moving forward in a positive direction—it also means learning to let go. An Olympic champion must one day accept that younger athletes will surpass them. Legends like Michael Jordan, Diego Maradona, and Michael Jackson all faced this reality. In fact, their gaps may have been even greater than those of ordinary people, which is why so many highly successful individuals struggle with depression, addiction, or self-destruction. They don’t know how to deal with the gap—or how to control the powerful positive feedback loop that can drag them down.

I’m improving, day by day. I’ve gained greater self-awareness and become less self-centered. But that doesn’t mean I’m in a position to preach. The tragic case of self-help guru James Arthur Ray serves as a constant reminder—unchecked confidence and groupthink can easily turn into a cult-like echo chamber. James was convicted of negligent homicide after three people died in a 2009 sweat lodge ceremony he led, highlighting the dangers of unchecked leadership and extreme self-improvement practices.

That’s why I always ask for your thoughts when I introduce new ideas. I’d rather hear “I disagree” or “Have you considered this?” than “I agree, great sharing.” The former helps me grow, while the latter risks reinforcing biases.

I don’t have all the answers, and I’m not immune to bias—but at least I’m aware of that. So if you ever find yourself agreeing with everything I say, I challenge you to pause and ask: What flaws has Kun missed? How can I help him see them? I would truly appreciate that.

Now, what’s next? I need to secure enough funding to publish my first book. I could afford to self-fund it, but I refuse to. Why? Because I don’t want to fool myself into believing my book is valuable if no one else is willing to invest in it. Most self-published books sell only 30–50 copies—even these were bought by friends and family to make the author feel good. I want this to be different.

Think of it like an election. If enough people are willing to contribute, it means the book has value. If no one wants to pay for it, then maybe it’s just another piece of junk. I once heard my ex-manager Zoe McKiness refer to free festival giveaways as “garbage freebies”—momentarily exciting, but soon tossed away. I don’t want my book to become one of those.

That’s why I’m holding back my novel. My other writings—especially those that might help someone struggling—will always be free to read online. But I want my novel to serve as a way to raise funds for my books. Hopefully, three by the end: one about depression, one about society, and one for the novel itself.

If you become an early donor, I promise you’ll receive a hardcover copy of each, signed by me. And if, for any reason, these books never happen, I’ll repay you in any way you prefer. More details to come.

For now, thank you for reading. And remember—don’t believe everything I say. My goal isn’t to convince you, but to make you think.

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03/18/2025 St. Louis