Self-reflection, your practical daily guide, part 2

There are several elements that strongly support the earlier-described (part 1) mode of operation. The basic rule – facts first, assessments later. A simple example: instead of "This idiot called me to his office and said some stupid things about improving customer service it can’t be done, because I have not enough people!" try starting with "I talked to the boss; we discussed improvement of customer service / he cares about this and that."etc. Organize events, facts that are not subject to discussion and which all participants could agree on (in this case you and your boss). It’s fundamental to disconnect emotions and immediate assessments because then we do not analyse anything, but only confirm our pre-existing beliefs. It’s not self-reflection, but a waste of time. Yes, it's difficult, because we are emotional by nature and emotions are stronger than reason. But if it was easy, everyone would do it and there would be no need to write books about it. At the time of self-reflection, your master should be your reason.

Separating emotions from the facts also has a very important, although difficult consequence: the ability to focus and consider information that we do not like, which is difficult for us to immediately accept.

It's also worth to take notes. The sequence of think-write-read is extremely helpful for memorizing. We engage several senses, including sight, and the brain likes it. The effect is much better than just thinking. Transferring key issues onto paper has another advantage, which we usually do not know of when going through things only in our thoughts, where everything can seem logical and organized. An attempt to convert this into complete written sentences forming a sensible sequence can brutally verify this. We can immediately see holes and lack of consequence, which we did not realize at first. Hence, among other things, my passion for writing posts and articles. Spreading ideas is one thing, but first of all, it’s the verification of the correctness of our considerations. If it is possible to change what you have thought into a logical sequence of written sentences, then we are on the right track. Adjust the style and scope of your notes to your preferences and possibilities. Some people prefer keeping a diary, and others go by with writing down a few words or individual sentences. I’m more into the second option. I always have a pen and a notebook next to my bed. There, at a moment of inspiration, I create very loose, seemingly chaotic notes (to capture my thoughts as soon as possible). I come back to them after a few days, sometimes weeks. Then I can see if it was something worth elaborating, or just a trifle to laugh at. One more remark: hand written notes have a stronger effect than the typed ones. We are still biological beings with the protein brain and that's how it works regardless of the fascination with technology.

Another important element is to verify your thoughts by asking questions to others. The best conclusions, even those thought over repeatedly, remain only a hypothesis: it sounds nice to us because it is ours, but it is still only a hypothesis. And these should be verified against external and possibly objective factors. Our mind does not meet these criteria so we have to go outside with our conclusions, go to other people. Confront them with opinions of others and subject them to judgment. Exactly in the same style that I have described in the article on sources of knowledge about us: listen carefully, appreciate those who want to openly share their opinion and do not argue. You do not have to agree, but it's not worth arguing. Are you asking to be reassured in your own opinion, or to actually find something out?

Don’t wait for tragedies to happen. Twice a year, take a slightly longer overview and summarize not a day, but the whole six months, exactly in the same way. What important has happened, and whether and how much your situation and involvement in the areas of activity has changed, if and how you implement your strategy or are you just staying lost in the corner through everyday life, etc. While everyday self-reflection is similarto pulling out a periscope over the water surface, this half-yearly review can be compared to going to the surface for the restocking your supplies, starting with oxygen. Such a deeper analysis may take us a few standard evening sessions, or a long weekend one.

The last but one suggestion - never give in to the illusion that you already know and you can stop now. It's a mistake a lot of people make; I can see it too often. Someone has even made a good diagnosis of his personality profile, motivation and basic behaviours, then even confronted it with the opinions around and got a very good picture of the present state. Then he decided that he already knew and ceased self-reflection. Wrong. First of all, our surroundings change, so interactions are also a changeable process. You have to watch it. Secondly, we change over time. Let's leave it to the experts whether and how much our personality is subject to change. Our experience and skills change, family changes (marriage, children, illness, death), and all this affects our current motivations, behaviours, the perception of the world, people and ourselves. Well! Even our political views, because statistically, a young rebel becomes a conservative with age. This also has to be controlled so as not to realize that we are spinning, when we have already lost a few years or even worse, the respect of the people we care about.

Finally, the last piece of advice - always keep a distance to yourself. Even add self-irony to it. Do not inflate too much. You better live and your mind is much clearer and more susceptible to self-reflection.

Let's summarize:

- facts first, assessments later

- take notes, preferably handwritten

- verify your thoughts, ask other people

- don’t wait for tragedies, make a summary once every six months

- don’t give in to the illusion that you already know

- self-irony.

All these activities can bring some difficulties at the very beginning. But it is like learning to drive a car. In the first months coordinating the steering wheel, gear changes (without looking at the lever), pedals, indicators and wipers is quite a challenge. As you gain experience, it becomes natural, performed smoothly and without thinking. We do it automatically. It’s the same with self-reflection. With time, it will get into your blood. You will no longer have to remind yourself of it and self-reflective thinking will become your natural mode of action.