SEE YOURSELF FROM DISTANCE - TO KNOW YOU BETTER

When you see objects closely, they seem to look blurred. Factually, there is no change in the character of the objects, it is just that we are seeing them too closely. Similarly, when we see ourselves closely, we tend to see a gloomy picture about ourselves, and this picture is absolutely what we want to see of ourselves.

This state of mind is referred as ‘Self Obsession”. We are obsessed by what we are, who we are, how we look, and it can be anything, rather everything, that we possess or obsessive about.

You need to distance yourself from your own-self to get the correct picture of yours. When you see things from distance, they are clearer, sharper and you would understand them better for analysis.

Self-obsession is like living in your own world, where you are the master of all and you don’t see anyone more than you. When you have no competition - the supremacy in you, brings within you a strong feeling of ‘pride and prejudice’.

I remember when I had too started getting a feeling of “I am always right” in other words “I am not wrong”. Very dangerous. That made me force my decisions and stopped me from understanding the other side of the story. It is not that I was wrong, I might have been right in most of the judgements, but the feeling of “I am always right” was not allowing me to grow. I was stuck in ‘who I was’ and felt no need for any kind of improvement.

But since I have always kept a critic beside me, I got the third eye introspection. I always made it a point to listen to this person to analyse me and tell me ‘Who am I” rather than ‘How am I’. I basically wanted to know how good I was and how I was always better than anyone else.

There is a difference between “Who am I” and “How am I”. Perhaps my critic understood “How am I” and gave me a complete analysis of the thoughts about me.  My entire image that I carried due to self-obsession was broken into tiny pieces. It was also ensured that I should hear in words that are clear and all superlatives are added to make me understand.

Of course, I was quite embarrassed. The mirror had broken. I felt as if I was living in my own world. But since I always took things in positive manner, I decided to correct myself. I had no option also. Since I had to grow further, I did decide to change myself.

It is important for all of us to have a third faithful eye that should keep us in the correct frame of mind. This person should not be obsessed with us, rather this person should see the things from a distance.

If you have the competency to see yourself from a distance, you may not need anyone else to scrutiny you. But be honest to your own-self and be transparent.

You must have seen people praising their children beyond a limit. Think about it. Till a point it will help build the confidence. The day the child knows that the parents are flattering, imagine the negative impact.  A time comes when your own children stop listening to you.

Appreciation to a limit is fine, but overdose brings ego and self-obsession. There is a thin fine line.

I am absolutely not challenging the genius in you, neither I am having any doubt on anyone’s intelligence and competency. What I am saying is that everyone has a scope for improvement and this improvement does not take place unless few areas are identified. I am also not saying that all criticism is healthy. Some people like criticising because of their very basic nature, perhaps they themselves are examples of ‘self-obsession’.

In a Corporate, how do you improve people in their profession – when you tell them you are wrong, or when you tell them, see if we can have another approach. A child tends to gain only 30% if you shout at the child. But if you make the children understand why the approach, they adopted, was not appropriate and how there can be a better approach, perhaps, there would be a learning through mutual understanding and respect.  

When we put a thread in a needle, we first see the dimension of the hole in the needle and then we see the thickness of the thread. We sharpen the tip of the thread so that it goes inside the hole smoothly. The tip is sometimes icing on the cake.

While advising anyone for a change, make sure that you are like a thread and the personality of another person is like a needle. Need I say that needles are sharp and can hurt. Particularly when they know that a thread is trying to pass through them. One has to assess as how much a person would listen and only then accordingly propose the messages.

The oversized or undersized thread or needles, only spoils the fabric of a person.

There is a student in every master and this student should not die in any circumstances. Masters too learn from their students and there is no harm in this.