Self-motivation is About Using the Right Verbs

“Whether you think you can or you think you can’t, you’re right.”

Henry Ford

A few years ago I was in London for a training as a participant. The feeling was not unfamiliar to me. If you want to improve constantly in your profession, it is important to be trained by the best in any particular field.

Every morning on my way to the venue where the training took place, I was passing by a bakery. And every morning I could smell the nice intense aroma of warm freshly baked butter rolls. Was their taste the same as the butter rolls my mother was baking in my childhood?

I was wondering...

And every morning I was just passing by and not getting in. Wondering what it would be.

Many of us almost spend their entire lifetime being either in the past, or in the future. But never in the present. That was the case with me as well. I was so busy making plans, wondering what it would be, that I was forgetting that we live here and now. I was missing the present by overthinking. This way it is extremely difficult to live fully and enjoy any moment of one's life.

As I found out with the priceless help of one of my trainers and mentors, in a situation like this it is a good idea to think about what we are doing, while we are doing it and to involve all of our senses in the activity - to see what we see, feel what we feel, hear what we hear, smell what we smell, taste what we taste. For example, you clear your mind as much as possible before starting to read this article. As you start to read you try to fully open your senses and absorb the information, to live in the moment.

Being present in any moment of time is critical part of the way we approach and achieve our goals in life, along with our so called linguistic identity.

We all, of course, have several different "linguistic identities". We have one when communicating with our family, another at work, third with our friends etc.

But usually we use same kind of verbs in our language, regardless of the environment. Those words actually define our actions and outcomes.

In other words, the end product of our self-motivation depends on:

• The ability to live fully, here and now.
• The verbal manifestation of our short term tasks and goals.

As we work closely with the participants in our trainings, often appears that there is a direct dependency between the verbs we predominantly use in our everyday language and our actions. I remember one particular moment from a training we had last year in a large international organization. One of the participants shared with the group his self-observations that particular day. It turned out, that almost in every situation the verbs he was using were mainly "must" or "have to". This "verbal" awareness helped him later change his approach towards achieving his goals and develop new, more efficient patterns in this area, where the things he "wants" always come first.

We all know that "well defined" goal means "well defined" outcome/s:

1. What exactly?
2. How exactly?
3. When exactly?
4. Sensations after, exactly?

What specifically do we "Want", not what do we "Have to" or "Must".

How we are going to understand that we achieved it or what is our criteria for success.

When we are going to make the "first step", how many steps exactly and when we will be finished.

And of course what will we see, hear and feel when we achieve our goal. What we are going to have then, that we do not have now.

Sounds easy but it is not.

It is not because often the resources we need are external instead of internal - we "Have to" or "Must", instead of "Want to". Which means that we are pursuing someone else's goal, dream or desire. Then it becomes extremely difficult to stay motivated and to keep moving towards the goal.

If we are not paying enough attention to the verbs we are using we might end up trapped and stuck often in our actions. It is normal, like The Rolling Stones sing, that "You Can't Always Get What You Want", but the idea is to make sure that we mainly focus on our own goals here and now, at least most of the time.

Which reminds me of a story:

"Two grains were lying side by side on the fertile soil. The first grain said: “I want to grow up! I want to put down roots deep into the ground and sprout from the ground. I dream to blossom in delicate buds and proclaim the coming of spring. I want to feel the warm rays of sun and the dew drops on my petals!”.

This grain grew up and became a beautiful flower.

The second grain said: “I’m afraid. If I put down my roots into the ground, I don’t know what they will face there. If I grow tender stems, they can be damaged by wind. And if there are flowers, they may be disrupted . So I’d rather wait for the safer time."

...

And so, two years after my first training in London, I went back at the same place for another training.

What do you think was the first thing I did on my way to the venue?

Yes, you are right.

I went straight to the bakery on Brighton Road and ordered three warm freshly baked butter rolls.

And the taste...mmm, the taste.

It was even better than the smell that captivated me the first time I passed by.

So stay present and don't be afraid to pursue not what you "have to" or "must", but only what you really "want" in your life.

And leverage your five senses - see what you see, feel what you feel, hear what you hear, smell what you smell and taste what you taste - right here, right now.

-Stoyan