SELF-MANAGEMENT

Who am I and Why?

These are the two biggest questions that have haunted the philosophers time and again.? We may get lost analyzing philosophically and may not be able to achieve something in our lives. Hence, we need to have a realistic outlook to answer these questions.

There are four major aspects about ourselves that we need to take stock of, now and then: our thoughts, our feelings, our perceptions, and our actions.? All these four aspects have two directions – positive and negative.? Our task is to increase positive and reduce negative qualities.

Thoughts

Let us first consider our thoughts.? We have negative thoughts about things, ideas, facts, objects, places, other people as well as ourselves. ?Most of the time negative thoughts about us indicating “I can’t do it”, “It is very difficult for me” and “others are better than me” are a result of what gets recorded during our childhood days.? We somehow tend to remember negative things about ourselves rather than positive things.

At other times, we tend to overestimate our abilities and have false belief systems about us.? Just because we are better than a few people we know, does not mean that we are omnipotent.

This is where we need to critically examine our thoughts and discover how much of these thoughts are objective!? Are these thoughts coming in the way of our development?? In such a case, do they need to be changed?

Feelings

The same things hold good for our feelings, too. Feelings about oneself and feelings about others should be positive rather than negative. Differences of opinion should not affect our emotions. We must not hoard our ill feelings. Others are critical of us because they want us to change for the better. Instead of showing negative emotions like anger, fear, and jealousy, we must find out their intentions and try to modify our behaviors accordingly.

If they are wrong, then try to convince them with your point of view. When you discuss things with someone, there are greater chances of them approving your position.

Perceptions

Most people have an undermining self-perception. They remember their failure rather than success. This makes them dependent on others. So, have reachable short-term goals and give credit to yourself for achieving the same.

Do not compare yourself with others. When we compare, we subjectively pick up those attributes that put us in a bad light. Instead, see what you can learn from others and seek their help only when needed.

Actions

How confidently we engage in activities is reflected in our actions. Social relationships are mainly dependent on our behavior that is noticeable to others. Rather than allow others to judge us, it is better to be consistent in our actions.

Are we able to work independently and efficiently in whatever we do?? We need to evaluate objectively whether these are real or not.? We must continue to re-evaluate time and again and revise opinions, beliefs, and attitudes about us.

Four Requirements for Self-Management??????????????

Playing roles

The secret to self-management lies in understanding our roles properly.? Regularly, we must play several roles.? Let us take the case of a boy.? He is a son to his parents, he is a member of his family, he is a brother to his brother or sister, he is a relative to his relatives and most importantly he is a student.? Each role has its own expectations.? He has to understand these expectations and play the role as efficiently as possible.

As we are unable to understand the essence of a role, we tend to do things we are not supposed to do.? It is here that not only our energy is wasted but also everyone feels that we are not doing our duty.

Fulfilling expectations

Once we understand our role, our task becomes easy.? We just have to make a list of expectations of the role we ought to play and find out how best we can play that role.? It is here that we should pick up and learn the skills necessary for us to play the role efficiently.

Along with the role comes responsibility.? We must be accountable for the role we are playing.? We must take responsibility for both failure and success in playing the role. (Check out the article on ‘Who is in charge of our Lives?’)

Sharing responsibilities

As a member of the family, we should share our responsibilities with our parents.? At least if we can take care of ourselves, then our parents will have much less to do at home.? For instance, right from getting up in the morning to the time we go to sleep, we become highly dependent on our parents.? They wake us up from sleep, tell us to get ready to go to school, sometimes assist us in getting ready, coerce us to have breakfast, help us with our homework, scold us for watching too much television, reprove us for always playing, and force us to go to sleep.

We allow them to do these things and do not take the responsibility.? This makes us highly dependent whereby we cannot enjoy our life but wait for someone else to tell us to do our duty.

Managing self

?????????????? Rather than dwelling upon what constitutes self-management, it is better to consider what happens when we do not manage ourselves.

• We will not be able to put our minds to do anything.
• We keep postponing doing things.
• We become lazy and lethargic.
• We are not able to set goals.
• We have difficulty in achieving what we set out to do.
• We cannot concentrate.
• Our memory fails us.
• We rarely get involved in whatever we are doing.
• We seek escape routes and we tend to get interested in all sorts of entertainment.
• We keep getting scolded for whatever we do and we interfere with others.

?????????????? Why do we appreciate the hero or the heroine in the film? Because they can do justice to the roles they are playing!? Similarly, people start appreciating us and approving us once we can manage ourselves to play the roles effectively and fruitfully.? Thus, our internal and external behavior should be regulated by playing roles, fulfilling expectations, sharing responsibilities, and managing ourselves. This way our life becomes meaningful.