Self-love...a practise towards mental wellbeing

Did you know that only 15% of women will buy themselves flowers on Valentine's Day BUT this trend is rising! Whilst something like over 65% of men admit they would love to receive flowers on the day.

I make up that small number of women that will happily buy myself flowers as a self-care and self-love treat! This was not always the case and thinking back 20 years ago, even 10 years ago, I had this ache for validation which could only be filled by my partner appreciating me. Not any more! Whilst having a loving husband, adorable kids and parents who still spoil me like I am 10, I love treating myself and don't ever wait to spoil myself... incl. picking up the prettiest bunch of flowers on VDAY!

From 2-3 decades ago where I was always hyper critical and self-loathing... the thing that shifted my perspective and dropped the critiquing and judgement is Meditation! Yep... it is meditation, the practise of mindfulness and awareness of self.

Read more if you are interested in how meditation can make you more compassionate to yourself ... as well as a few other awesome benefits:

1-hour meditations for 8 years

What did I expect from starting a meditation practise 8 years ago?

Well, I only wanted peace of mind. That’s all. I wanted to feel at ease and not feel like I was breaking down. I was highly strung up with my past experiences, the stressors of an expanding business and becoming a mom.

?I received much more than I expected, and I cannot wait to see what the next 8 years hold!

?1.??? I have become patient; although some say I still have more to go! ??

?I used to believe that my success in business came from my nature of impatience, my sense of urgency and speed of execution. Now I believe my stress came from my sense of urgency. Meditation has taught me patience. Even though there were so many days that I didn’t want to meditate, I used to sit it through and that has had a ripple effect in other areas of my life. I can wait for things now, whether it is food, clothes, things in business, I am ok to wait. I no longer have this itchiness for it to arrive in my life immediately.

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I have had my share of addictions, primarily from workaholism and sugar over the years I have seen each of these addictions have less and less weight on me, less and less grip on me... I am deeply patient with myself too... ?

2.??? Detachment and loosening of the ‘grip’

Sometimes knowingly and sometimes unknowingly, I had strong grips on certain aspects of my life. Meditation has loosened those grips. Primarily and the largest impact has been where it has loosened the grips on negative thoughts. I feel to a huge degree, I can observe my thoughts but not get entangled in them and ‘grip’ on to them or give them too much importance.

It loosened the strong sense of identity I held to about myself, making me more compassionate to ME!

3.??? The highs and lows are not so extreme and intense

My reactions towards what would have created highs and lows in my life are not as intense. One of the things that I have learnt from the practise of mindfulness and meditating is the experience of gratitude, slowing down, breathing, savouring the minutes. Also, that the suffering, pain, or disappointments we feel in life are nothing more than expectations that are not met. There is factually nothing more that is happening from a sensation. Part of meditation is the practise of gratitude and I think the more I placed my attention on being grateful, it lessened the neediness that arises from expectations, whether those expectations are from me, others or from circumstances.

Overall, it means if things are going well, it’s fine, if they are not, I can accept them too. It has made me softer with my 'failures'.

4.??? Reducing the need to judge myself... about everything I am good at or quote unquote bad at!

When I slowed down, stopped the reactions, and became more mindful, the whole process allowed me to have gratitude for the moment in time and for myself. This heightened awareness and presence reduces the need for judgement. It’s actually all so scientific when I think about what is happening in our brain when we come out of meditating!

... in the process of meditation we are basically observing our thoughts and not reacting to them, we also have to allow them to rise and fall minus any judgements.

We end up bringing this into our day to day when we come out of the meditation session... we bring in stillness, a relaxed, anxiety free mindset and with practise it continues to strengthen our compassion to self.

If you are not into flowers, maybe gift yourself some 'ME' time of silence!

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