Self Love vs Self Denial

Self-love & self-denial, there is a lot of confusion?one encounters on the path of introspection, due to these contradicting terms. While I am no expert on the matter, I think this might give a perspective.?

For those unaware about the concept of self-denial here are 2 messages from the western and eastern spiritual teachings:

If any man will come after me, let him deny himself,

and take up his cross daily,

and follow me

- Luke 9:23

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-Kabir

Kabir stands in the marketplace, with a flaming torch in hand. One who burns down their home, can come walk with me.

When we see the term Self-love being used with messages like:?

Give yourself a treat, Go party by yourself, Give yourself a spa day, Go shopping for yourself, Appreciate yourself in the mirror etc. and try to fit these into the messages from the masters,?it’s a stark contradiction.

I am by no means against these messages, they are all very valid and useful for a person at different places in the journey. I use them many times as a part of my therapy sessions too.

All I am pointing out is that, when we spiritualize them by using a concept like Self-love, to justify them, we create contradictions with the wisdom, sages since the beginning of time have been trying to share.

Language and its use vary culture to culture and generation to generation, based on the experiences and priorities. That is probably one of the reasons why we sometimes find it difficult to reconcile the concepts now, as the words mean different now from what they did then.?These messages are classic examples of how the meanings have completely turned opposite over time as compared to when Jesus, or Kabir graced the earth.?

Let’s use these definitions which in my perception are more accurate:

"Self" - The true Self - Inner awareness, the divine within.

"Him/Her self" - The belief of an individual separate from the divine, with an independent mind.

Now, Self-love, is the same as loving the awareness that you are, the deepest part of you, which is also the deepest part of every other living entity. So Self-love comes when we see all as the same, or as one.

Real Self-love thus stems from the denial of the separate self. It's not the glorification or pampering of the separate personality, it’s quite the opposite. The love for the separate self or the personality (whether for self or another) will forever be a flimsy replacement for Self-love, easily affected by the changes in the external situation.

Let Him Deny Himself / Burn his house - Let him deny his separate self, let him give up the attachment to all identities. - Without this you can physically see and be with Jesus/Kabir but never go where he goes internally, as you are/can not join with him if you insist in seeing yourself as separate (Separate from 1 is separate from all).?

Take up his cross daily/ Burn his house day to day, moment to moment - Recognize that the choice you make is to see separation or to see oneness and make that choice moment to moment. When you see separation you experience the weight of it, which is expressed as the weight of the cross or the burning house.

Their messages were not about external renunciation and asceticism, but about an internal change. I would not even use the word detachment, as the internal change needed, as that again has a tone of exclusion. I would simply say that what was meant, was a clear seeing of the real which automatically leads to the dropping of the belief in the unreal.?

So, if you are on the path to Self-awareness, and if you are reading this you probably are, then the new age messages of Self-love are most probably not meant for you :-)