"Self-Love: The Secret Ingredient to Authentic Leadership"

Do you ever talk about the L word at work? Not leadership, but love! And not just any kind of love, but self-love.

Now you may be thinking, what's self-love got to do with leadership? Turns out; A lot! In fact, it's a match made in leadership heaven!

Why Self-love matters in your leadership journey? Self-love is about accepting and celebrating ourselves for who we are. It is about being kind and compassionate towards ourselves, and treating ourselves with the same respect and care that we would give to others. When we practice self-love, we are able to show up as our authentic selves, and this authenticity is a powerful leadership skill.

In an article titled "How self-love boosts performance and job success", the authors talk about how neuroscientists have discovered a direct link between self-compassion, resilience, and success. The authors stress how you’re more likely to enjoy #wellbeingatwork and success when you give yourself occasional doses of #selfcompassion. Studies show that self-love and self-affirmations serve as “cognitive expanders,” allowing us to talk to ourselves the way we might speak to someone else so that the judgment voice isn’t the only story we tell ourselves. As a result, self-love provides the fuel that boosts our moods, job performance, and achievement.

Go Deeper: Here are some tips to start thinking about self-love.

Uncover your paradigm: What did you learn about self-love as a child? Was it looked upon as selfish or pompous? Did you hear more voices of criticism or judgment around you or those of loving kindness? What outdated paradigms are you still holding on to? It's time to let go of those old beliefs and embrace the power of self-love!

Take the self-love self-assessment; Ask yourself these 4 questions. The answers may surprise you. For me the answer to #4 was telling.

1. When you look into the mirror, what do you see? Is it your flaws, imperfections or do you see someone you admire?
2. Can you look into the mirror into your own eyes, and say I love you? Or even I like you! Or maybe I forgive you? This is a powerful exercise to try. Warning: This can be uncomfortable at first.
3. When someone gives you a compliment, what's your first reaction? Do you have trouble accepting it, or do you smile and say Thank you!
4. When you make a mistake, how do you talk to yourself?

Carve out time for reflection: Now that you have some insight into your self-love, practice intentional reflection using any of the below prompts:

1. Self-love to me is....
2. I show myself loving kindness by....
3. When I love myself, I can.....
4. Self-love makes me a better leader because...

Seek feedback from those you trust: We are our worst critics, so sometimes asking those who love us, why they love us is a great place to start. Ask your best friend, what makes you a great friend. Ask your team, what they appreciate about you. The answers can be eye-opening and heart-warming.

Ready to practice self-love? Here is a list to get you started:

1. If the word love seems too much, replace it with esteem. Think of it as your self-esteem journey.
2. Practice Self-Compassion: Especially when you make a mistake. My favorite resource for this is Kristin Neff's Compassion break.
3. Practice Mirror Work: I learnt this practice from the work of Louise L Hay who pioneered this work. Every day when you look at yourself in the mirror, look deeply in your eyes and say, "I love you". If that seems too much, say "I like you" or " I am willing to like you". Want more inspiration? Watch how little Jessica does it.
4. Create your own brag sheet- A one pager which highlights your accomplishments (personal or professional). Keep it handy where you can revisit anytime, especially in moments of low self-love.

Model the way for your team:

When you as a leader start modeling these practices, your team will soon unlock the same self-compassion within themselves. Not only will you show up as your authentic self, but you will also lead by example and empower your team to be authentic too.

#Everdayleadership is about taking action to be a great leader every day! Choose one of the self-love practices above and try at least ONE of them this week. Let me know how it went. And remember, self-love isn't just a nice-to-have, it's a must-have for great leadership!