Self-Love for Our Children

“Love is a state of Being; Your love is not outside; it is deep within you. You can never lose it, and it cannot leave you.”

— Eckhart Tolle

As a child, I grew up in a house with a loving family (an older brother and two immigrant parents). Like most, the outside world saw perfection in my family, but within the confines of four walls, it was a household led by adults who were doing their best to survive. Though my parents wanted to do what was best for their children, they themselves had never had the space to understand themselves. Thus, it was a household where parents were just wounded children in adult bodies. As a result, I never felt emotionally supported.?

?Growing up, these experiences created false narratives in my mind:

• You are not worthy.
• You will never be good enough.
• You are deeply unloved.

Though they were untrue, it was what I truly believed about myself. The unfortunate truth is that this has continued into my adulthood. I have always had a difficult time accepting myself - especially the parts I see as weaknesses. This includes freely expressing my emotions or sharing my inner truth.

?Like most, I have coped in two ways:

1. An urgent need for perfection
2. People pleasing and needing external validation?

When I became an educator back in 2013, these coping mechanisms became more potent. My students made me confront myself deeply because there was no escape. It’s true that children can represent so many parts of ourselves, especially the parts we are unwilling to look at with a microscope.

“Children are our biggest mirrors.”

As I began to uncover these truths, it became clear that my lack of self-love affected the way I showed up for kids. It was here I realized how much I projected my insecurities onto my students. I needed constant validation from them, and I even struggled to see the beauty that lied within them. Why? Because I couldn’t even see it within myself.?

As parents (or caretakers of children), it is so critical to understand how our own inner selves affect the way we show up for our precious young people. As Deepak Chopra, a health and wellness advocate, explains, “Self-love allows you to accept your weaknesses along with your strengths, and to have compassion for yourself as you strive to find personal meaning and fulfillment.”

I’ve learned that with self-love, we have the capacity to fully love the entire being of a child.

Here are four ways to cultivate self-love as a parent (or caretaker):

Connect with Yourself

Take out 5 minutes a day to connect with yourself deeply. This can look different for everyone. It could be trying a short meditation, breathing mindfully, sitting in nature, journaling, or sipping some hot tea. During this time, be mindful and present in the moment. Try to move away from using electronics during this time, and take some space to be quiet. It gives us a moment to check-in with ourselves, especially amongst the craziness of raising a family.?

Cultivate Awareness

Sometimes, we are unable to see the lack of self-love that resides within us. In order to break out of this, we have to become aware of the parts of ourselves we may be neglecting to acknowledge. The first step is writing it down. Take out a notebook or journal, and write down 5 things that you struggle to love about yourself. There is no right or wrong answer. Think about how these 5 things show up in your daily life, and how they may negatively impact the people around you (yes, even your children).

Unpack Inner Resistance

Throughout my process, I began to realize that I wanted to hold onto the experience of not loving certain parts of myself. It felt safe, secure, and familiar. However, I challenged myself to focus on unpacking one area per week, taking space to forgive myself. With each one I unpacked, I created activities both in my personal and professional life that would affirm a new belief. It could be talking about emotions more or having moments to reflect so children also know that they have the space to do this in their own lives.

Slowly, Pave a New Path

Begin to note down the ways you see your inner work reflected with your children. This shift may take weeks, months, or years. It’s a process, so don’t be so hard on yourself. But when we pave a new path for ourselves, it builds a greater capacity to love the people around us.?

Cultivating self-love is the first step towards conscious education. Our children deserve to be fully accepted, but it won’t happen until we fully accept ourselves first.?

Reference:

Weinberg, Jennifer. “5 Steps to Cultivate Self-Love.” Chopra. 2016 January 2016. https://chopra.com/articles/5-steps-to-cultivate-self-love

---

Conscious Education Starter Kit:?

Komal’s book “Raise Your Hand! A Call for Consciousness in Education”

Spotify Playlist for Conscious Education

Learn More About Conscious Education