Self Limiting Beliefs? Who Me?

I want to dedicate this issue to self limiting beliefs. This is where we say, "I can't", "I'm not very good at that", "I won't be able to do this". If we say this enough we believe it, and to top this off, we get other people to believe that we can't too.

I'm confident - very rarely suffer from nerves and to be honest don't worry about what people think of me. Of course I like being liked, but I don't waste energy on wondering if people don't like me - I can't control it so I don't worry about it.

I came across this photo whilst I was looking for some images for my website www.wendydean.co.uk. I needed some images for public speaking.

The evening in the picture was over 10 years ago and was attended by 300 people. There I was, presenting an awards evening to celebrate the successes of my colleagues. The evening went smoothly and everyone had a great time (I think!). My face looks strained. I wasn't in a good place.

Behind that mask of confidence it was a different picture. After being experienced in public speaking, before I went on stage I had the feeling of "I can't do this". During the event I was thinking that I was dull and not doing a great job of compering and when I sat down again I felt that I'd failed. Self limiting beliefs had set in. Already I was thinking about next year and not wanting to do it.

I was catastrophising. 0-60 mph in 2 seconds. Wow - how the hell had this happened?

Let me explain....

I was going through a divorce at the time, thought I was going to have to sell my dream home and my mum had terminal cancer. I wasn't in the best of places and was blindly pushing forward trying to be "confident me". When I look at the photo now, I get an overwhelming feeling of hopelessness. It was probably one of the toughest times of my life. So how did I get out of it?

In my early 20's I'd found myself with nowhere to live and ended up living on my own in a flat for a few years. I couldn't afford it and was not expecting to be in this situation. But I dusted myself off, got a second job, made my flat into a little palace and was extremely proud of myself. Confidence levels high. So I used that experience and channelled my inner strength, determination and confidence.

I use the saying "you can't eat the elephant whole" a lot when mentoring other women. It's a saying that's been very loyal to me most of my working life. I broke down the issues I had and dealt with them in a very different way. One size didn't fit all. Some things I could change, some things I had to acept and others set me down another path that in the end made me a better person. Looking at self limiting beliefs as small pockets of negativity that you have to flip is much easier than just thinking "I can't do this".

Roll on the following year and all was good. I was back in control. I didn't feel out of control and I got on with it.

Very rarely now do I have self limiting beliefs. I often think "what is the worst that can happen?". In fact, I like a bit of an adrenaline rush before I get up to speak, I like the fact that people are there to hear me share my experiences. I enjoy the comedown afterwards when chatting to the audience one to one.

So, the next time you think "I'm not very good at that", by flipping that thought you are differentiating yourself from most others and in fact the excitement of trying something new is where the magic happens.

What are you going to do today to release yourself from the sticky floor?

If you're looking for mentoring that's a bit different - let me know - [email protected]