Self-Kindness is Your Leadership Superpower

Welcome to Love Mondays More the weekly LinkedIn newsletter that delves deeper into the ideas and concepts driving my Love Mondays email newsletter series.

Why ‘Love Mondays’? Mondays are often the low part of the week, earning the title of “worst day of the week” by the Guinness World Records. So I aim to provide a 4-minute caffeine hit of content to fire up the other 10,076 minutes of your week and stave off the Monday malaise. Don’t just live Mondays, love Mondays!

While the Olympics have been mesmerising on TV (is anyone else incredibly sleep-deprived from watching endless highlight packages at night?!), it’s been just as captivating following the athletes’ personal journeys on social media. These days, we get to see a lot more of their real, raw stories unfold beyond the games.

Take Australian Olympic Boxer Harry Garside, for example. His openness and vulnerability with his followers and the media has been extraordinary. For those unfamiliar with this boxing ballerina (yep, he’s a star at both!), Harry won bronze in the lightweight event at the 2020 Olympics and had his sights set on gold in Paris. But after missing out on his dream gold medal—a goal he’s chased for 20 years—instead of hiding, he’s sharing his struggle and showing us that strength and vulnerability go hand in hand. You can catch Harry’s heartfelt take here.

What I love about Harry is his authenticity. He doesn’t shy away from the mental struggles he’s faced, and what’s truly inspiring is his dedication to self-compassion. Harry shared that for the past three years, he’s been working on being his own best friend and treating himself with kindness. He believes that this inner work is what’s going to help him get through this tough period and accept the outcome of his Olympic journey.

"Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others."?- Prof. Kristen Neff, a pioneer in the study of self-compassion

Harry’s story got me thinking about the importance of self-kindness, especially when coping with failure. Life and leadership will inevitably throw us curveballs, particularly in today’s unpredictable world. Yet, nobody really teaches us how to handle failure, right? We all know how to lead through success, but what about when things don’t go as planned? How do we lead through disappointment?

Turning Life’s Lessons into Leadership Strategies

Imagine for a moment that you're at the end of your life, reflecting on how you would do things differently. Professor Adam Alter from NYU's Stern School of Business revealed a common wish among palliative care patients: they wished they had been less hard on themselves.

Backing this up, Bronnie Ware, an in-home caregiver for the terminally ill, captured her patients' deepest regrets in her book, The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. These regrets offer profound insights into how we can lead our lives and our teams more effectively and compassionately:

Regret 1:? “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

As leaders, this means asking ourselves if we're being authentic or merely trying to meet external expectations. Embracing our true selves can lead to more genuine and effective leadership.

Regret 2: “I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.”

Consider: How can I balance my efforts to achieve with time for rest and self-care? Recognise when to step back and recharge. Leading through failure involves understanding the importance of rest and self-care. Schedule regular breaks, set boundaries, and make time for activities that rejuvenate you. This balance prevents burnout and keeps you more effective and happier in the long run.

Regret 3: “I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.”

In leadership, this translates to fostering a culture where vulnerability is seen as a strength. Sharing our emotions and struggles in an appropriate manner can build trust and deeper connections within our teams. What would offering a bit more of how you feel in your leadership look like for you??

?Regret 4: “I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.”

Strong relationships are crucial, especially during challenging times. Leadership can all too easily be a lonely pursuit- perhaps a link to the piece from a fortnight ago here?maintaining and nurturing these connections can provide support and perspective, helping us navigate failures more effectively.?

Who could you reconnect with today, whether by text, email, phone or a quick catch up??

Regret 5: “ I wish I had let myself be happier.”

There’s joy in every day, if we allow ourselves to see it. I have a daily gratitude practice of listing three things I’m grateful for (which almost always makes me happy). Sometimes they’re things like my wife’s hugs or a beautiful sunset, other times they’re a phenomenal bit of feedback from a client or an exciting new collaborative opportunity.?

Life can definitely be hard sometimes, but being deliberate about celebrating small wins and not beating yourself up for too long after setbacks can make a big difference. Or as Harry put it ‘be your own best friend’.?

Reflecting on these regrets, what would it look like for you to make a change now to prevent having the regret "I wish I'd let myself be happier" (or whichever regret resonated with you) a year from now? Start this Monday by giving yourself permission to show up as the "no regrets" version of yourself—whatever that means for you. ??

P.S. Ready to elevate your leadership and empower your team? In today's fast-paced world, strong and adaptable leadership is the key to success. I’m here to help you and your team build the skills to thrive through change, enhance performance, and foster a high-performance culture. Click here to explore topics or get in touch so we can create a bespoke workshop tailored to your needs.