Self image...who do YOU see?

I remember staring in silence as she spoke.“You are so fat. Look at your stomach. Look at the cellulite on your thighs. Wow! You look disgusting!”

Stepping onto the scale (yet again), I sighed at the numbers.

Saying nothing, I carefully considered her words. My heart was breaking, but I tried to convince myself that she was only trying to motivate me. That’s what needed to  I believe.

Her rant was no surprise…the words always stung and left me feeling inadequate and dejected.

Standing alone and disheartened, I turned away from the mirror and promised myself that this time, I would exercise more and eat less... same words, different day.

Although I walked away, the problem was that these were my own thoughts.

My own words were becoming worse than any bully that I’ve ever known.... and I’ve known many.

Negative self-talk is an enemy, that if not dealt with, will terrorize and can destroy any aspect of our lives. 

The ripple effect can be truly devastating. It will damage your self-esteem and undermine your confidence. 

Esteem is from the Latin aestimare, meaning to estimate. Our self esteem is an estimate of what we perceive our worth to be.

Latin also gives us the word for confidence, confidere, meaning to trust, which is the trust that we have in our capacity to perform.

When negative self-talk creeps into our thoughts, the way we perceive ourselves and how we interact with the world around us is affected.

My very compromised self worth affected who I invited into my life and how I allowed them to treat me.

It also played an integral role in how I treated myself.

Because my own inner critic challenged my worth at every turn, I looked outside of myself to obtain it.

However, no matter what it was, nothing (or no one) outside of me could give me what I wasn’t willing to give myself.

True self worth is not found in the mirror, the eyes of another or in any outside thing. 

True self-worth comes from within.

When we don’t value ourselves, we journey through life as if we are worthless…we can also develop a limited mindset and beliefs about who we are and what we are capable of achieving.

So, though self-esteem and self-confidence are inherently different, they can also be inextricably tied.

Who’s Watching?

There is an old children’s hymnal that says:

O be careful little eyes, what you see…

O be careful little ears what you hear… 

O be careful little tongue, what you say…

O be careful little hands what you do…

O be careful little feet where you go…

O be careful little heart when you trust…

O be careful little mind what you think

This is a sobering illustration about how we can, unwittingly, influence our children’s perceptions of themselves through OUR thoughts and actions.

We tend to outwardly project what is happening inside us. Our young spectators are watching and can internalize this turmoil as if it were their very own.

I’ve met parents whose own struggles with self-esteem and self-confidence are a consequence of having grown up with moms and dads that also struggled with the same challenges.

Unfortunately, these thoughts are being demonstrated and passed on to yet another generation.

With no intention of creating these inner critics, the development of these foes is fostered through what the child sees, hears, and experiences.

I have listened as thin girls and women berate themselves over their weight, seeing pounds that were only visible to them. Their go-to is more exercise or restricting calories.

I’ve seen students consider themselves “failures” with anything less than an “A”. Their cruel inner critic reminds them of their lack of intellectual capability, which could not be further from the truth.

Changing Your Inner Dialogue

• Become aware of your tendency to engage in negative self talk.
• Listen to what you are actually thinking and saying.
• Journaling. Keeping a written record will help to uncover patterns that might not otherwise be visible. Reading those words can help us understand how truly impactful they have been.
• Accountability. Enlist the support of a trusted friend. Ask someone that you know and trust to gently point out when you are engaging in this type of behavior .
• Surround yourself with those that are positive and progressing. The saying that "misery loves company" is true. Being constantly surrounded by those who are consistently negative will only serve to enhance your negative thinking.
• Get additional help. Whether that is a therapist, a coach or self-help resources.

Health embodies more than what we can physically see . It goes beyond bloodwork. Health is also mental, emotional and spiritual.