Self Harm - On or In Digital Spaces?

Self Harm. ON or IN digital spaces?

“Oh these teens that engage in self harm behaviour, those harms we don’t understand!” She said with a large glass of Gin in her hand.

“They say its anxiety” she continued, wafting her hands in the air.. taking a swig of her Gin.

“Oh yes” said her friend, “they just don’t know how to cope with the trials of life, which, for their age are really nothing compared to us, I mean do they have mortgages to worry about?”

“Exactly!” She squealed.

A few Gins in…

“Well I really don’t know what it is Margaret, I feel like I just can’t do the job in the way he’s demanding and I have pulled two sickies this last few months.

I mean I’m doing the work, he just makes me feel you know; worried about whether I should leave the job and go elsewhere? Pass me the Clementine Gin will you” she sighed.

The boss who was currently sitting in the local pub retailing his tales to his colleagues said with a pint in hand “You know Trevor, I am trying to get this deal sealed and ‘her indoors’ keeps nattering at me to build the bloody garden wall so we can have the neighbours over, and lord it over them. I’m done in mate. Done in. My round was it?”

Why is it…

…that the adults around you, can manage their anxiety and stress, their sadness, trauma and low moods with alcohol, cigs and maybe some other substances and we see them in a different light to the children and young people who use self harm to manage theirs?

How is it, that we adults define our behaviour as ‘socialising’ and not ‘self harm’?

It’s the same thing. But slower…

But no Cath, my drinking? I only have the one or two, it’s a social lubricant, a confidence booster, a Dutch courage (whatever that is) or it’s the celebratory glass filler, the punch, the toast, the elixir of old age.

And of course the beneficial Polyphenols that some aspects of it contain.

But ‘self-harm’ like the kids? No way!

Ah, cognitive dissonance and its delightful approach to the ‘its them not me’ othering.

So my question to the adults around you is why are your emotions okay to soothe with behaviours that are excessive, harmful, slow, and or socially acceptable and the younger generation who are finding ways to manage theirs are seen to be unsociable?

How is it that the forms of self harm are generational, and seem to be changed when the next cohort of babies are born.

For example post war ‘stiff upper lip’ and ‘denial’ of emotions, issues and abuse, seemingly turned into lips that consumed substances (cigarettes, alcohol and drugs) to cover up the issues, abuse and trauma and the generation below you (todays adults), is a method that you find unacceptable, weird, shameful, attention ‘seeking’ and also about silencing those emotions, issues and troubles that they also encountered.

What’s good for the goose springs to mind*….

What comes next?

Well, it’s possibly going to be the immersive type of numbing, disconnect, denial and perhaps maybe seeking solace IN the digital spaces.

Perhaps the space IN there will allow for in groups to find support and connection, to be validated and to find the space they need.

Or is this what we are already seeing and naming as the alcohol, the drugs and the injurious “addictions”?

Those last two cohorts (self injury and using tech) have sadly been demonised and there is a large pull to remove these interventions, techniques and spaces away in the ‘just say no’ approach.

And look how that worked for our generation? So many ‘users’…

Self is healed with other, and this happens where there are commonalities.

What is interesting is the method, the dosage of poison or the depth of injury and much more about this is written in my upcoming books due out June 2023.

ONline harm, or INline harm? Is that where we are heading?

My next newsletter this month is an absolute banger. Pun intended. Will leave you to work out what that topic will be about.

Head over to childrenandtech.co.uk and get your early release copy of my new book.

For anyone you know that would like to subscribe to my newsletters - which, in 2023 are going to be straight talking and to the point - they can join here.

Warmly,

Cath

(*For non native English speakers this is a saying of what’s good for the goose is good for the gander).

PS: You can see the original post here.