Self-Esteem, Key 3: Gratitude

[Excerpted from, 9 Keys to Self-Esteem: Positive Psychology ?2023]

Our next key for self-esteem is gratitude.

Gratitude, like mindfulness (and also kindness, which we’ll see next), has become a popular concept of late. And sometimes, when something becomes too popular and seemingly overused, we begin to think less of it. But gratitude, the experiencing and expressing of it on a regular basis, can’t be overstated – and shouldn’t be underestimated. The power of gratitude has been proven time and again in the research, as we’ll soon see.

Being grateful involves a certain measure of mindfulness. In order to feel grateful, we first need keen attention – to notice our lives. If we aren’t mindful, we may get through a day without any experience of gratitude, and feeling as though nothing warranted it. But if we’re paying attention, we find that a stranger said good morning to us, we got out of bed without oversleeping, we had a great lunch, a friend sent a text and 6 more people liked that Instagram post, the sun was shining – or it was a rainy day, and wasn’t that dreamy, or maybe we need rain, and on, and on.

Every day is absolutely filled with opportunities to be grateful, beginning with the fact that we woke up in the first place.

Adopting a mindset and a practice of gratitude doesn’t turn us into one of those rose-colored glasses people, those annoying (and unrealistic) types who only see the good side. Far from it; we know the negatives, which is why those positives, however big or small, lift our hearts. And a day filled with tiny moments of joy is, at the end of it, a joyful day indeed. Even if nothing special happened.

Some days are just dark. But I’m still breathing. I’m still here. And hopefully, there was someone I could reach out to, who listens and cares. Gratitude.

For some, life is a struggle. If you’re dealing with chronic illness, it can seem that there’s nothing to be grateful for; if you’re experiencing depression, maybe the fact that the day is sunny – or that you woke up – doesn’t inspire gratitude.

In fact, it’s the very act of seeking those moments and opportunities for gratitude that are the benefit. This is another way of approaching our days, and our lives, mindfully; we’re looking at the details of it square in the face, noticing, focusing our attention, and in this case, seeking and discovering reasons to be thankful.

Gratitude sits in the positive psychology virtue of transcendence. A gorgeous word, that. To transcend is to fundamentally alter ourselves, time and space, our world. In strengths of transcendence we expand beyond our everyday selves, we grow our capacities, we are interconnected with everyone and everything, we no longer have noticeable boundaries. From Latin, it means ‘beyond’ (trans-) and to climb, or movement upward (‘scandare’); we move beyond ourselves, and we reach the heights.

Gratitude.

And what does recent research tell us?

The connection between trait as well as state gratitude and wellbeing has been demonstrated in multiple studies (Gabana et al., 2019; Homan & Hosack, 2019; Nezlek et al., 2019; Rash et al., 2011), including larger meta-reviews of prior studies conducted by Jans-Beken et al. (2020) and Portocarrero et al. (2020) – and even in the midst of the recent pandemic (Datu et al., 2022).

Gratitude has been further associated with an increase in life satisfaction (Datu et al.; Rash et al.), also indicated in a neurobiological study of Kong et al. (2020) in which trait gratitude directly affected those areas of the brain associated with life satisfaction. Gratitude contributes as well to sustained mental health (Bohlmeijer et al., 2021), and when in combination with self-esteem, predicts psychological wellbeing (Sharifi & Moltafet, 2021).

In their summary of existing research, Emmons et al. (2019) stated that gratitude has demonstrated a wide range of psychological and relational benefits across the lifespan, and deem it foundational to mental health and wellbeing. Studies have indicated a slightly lesser benefit in collectivist than in individualist cultures, as recently demonstrated by Shin et al. (2020); possible reasons for this are complex and require further study.

So, how can we cultivate our gratitude, and thereby our self-esteem?

Once you begin focusing on all those small things throughout the day for which you’re grateful, you’ll find the floodgates open. This is a skill that almost builds itself. And every time you find yourself feeling critical – of others, of yourself, of life – think of something for which you’re grateful.

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Exercises:

A gratitude journal is a classic. (Eventually, it seems we need a journal for everything.) If you’re using a journal for other areas, then simply include a list of 3 things for which you’re grateful, every day.

Tell someone you’re grateful for them. Tell them why. Tell one person, a different person, each day.

When you say ‘thank you’ – to the cashier at the market, to someone holding the door for you, to any random person throughout the day – engage just a bit more, and rather than saying it as a social convention, look at the person and say it with conviction. Your heart will know, so to speak, that you genuinely feel grateful in that moment.

Meditate on gratitude regularly. Sit quietly, calm your mind, minimize potential for distraction, close your eyes, and focus on your breathing. When you feel some measure of serenity, bring to mind the idea of gratitude. Don’t try to analyze it, but just keep it as your focus. People and things for which you’re grateful will float in and out of your awareness, and just let that happen, without going down any one path. When you notice that your attention has wandered (for it will – this is natural), simply bring it back to your breathing, and then again to the concept of gratitude. Afterward, reflect on your new awareness, in the manner of your choice.

Post on social media about something for which you’re grateful. (‘Today, I’m feeling grateful for—‘) You’ll not only grow your own gratitude in that moment, but you’ll encourage others to do the same.

9 Keys to Self-Esteem, by Anne Hilty, ?2023

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References:

Bohlmeijer ET, Kraiss JT, Watkins P et al. (2021). Promoting Gratitude as a Resource for Sustainable Mental Health: Results of a 3-Armed Randomized Controlled Trial up to 6 Months Follow-up. Journal of Happiness Studies 22, 1011-1032. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-020-00261-5

Datu JAD, Valdez JPM, McInerney DM et al. (2022). The effects of gratitude and kindness on life satisfaction, positive emotions, negative emotions, and COVID-19 anxiety: An online pilot experimental study. Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being 14:2, 347- 361. https://doi.org/10.1111/aphw.12306

Emmons RA, Froh J, and Rose R (2019). Gratitude. In MW Gallagher & SJ Lopez (eds.), Positive psychological assessment: A handbook of models and measures (pp.317-332). American Psychological Association. https://doi.org/10.1037/0000138-020

Gabana NT, Steinfeldt J, Wong YJ et al. (2019). Attitude of Gratitude: Exploring the Implementation of a Gratitude Intervention with College Athletes. Journal of Applied Sport Psychology 31:3, 273-284. https://doi.org/10.1080/10413200.2018.1498956?

Homan K and Hosack L (2019). Gratitude and the self: Amplifying the good within, Journal of Human Behavior in the Social Environment 29:7, 874-886. https://doi.org/10.1080/10911359.2019.1630345

Jans-Beken L, Jacobs N, Janssens M et al. (2020). Gratitude and health: An updated review. Journal of Positive Psychology 15:6, 743-782. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2019.1651888

Kong F, Zhao J, You X et al. (2020). Gratitude and the brain: Trait gratitude mediates the association between structural variations in the medial prefrontal cortex and life satisfaction. Emotion 20:6, 917-926. https://doi.org/10.1037/emo0000617

Nezlek JB, Krejtz I, Rusanowska M et al. (2019). Within-Person Relationships Among Daily Gratitude, Well-Being, Stress, and Positive Experiences. Journal of Happiness Studies 20, 883-898. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10902-018-9979-x

Portocarrero FF, Gonzalez K, and Ekema-Agbaw M (2020). A meta-analytic review of the relationship between dispositional gratitude and well-being. Personality and Individual Differences 164:110101. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.paid.2020.110101

Rash JA, Matsuba MK, and Prkachin KM (2011). Gratitude and Well-Being: Who Benefits the Most from a Gratitude Intervention? Applied Psychology: Health and Well-Being 3, 350-369. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1758-0854.2011.01058.x

Sharifi Z and Moltafet G (2021). The Prediction of Psychological Well-Being Based on Gratitude, Social Support and Self-Esteem. International Journal of Behavioral Science 15:2, 127-132. https://doi.org/10.30491/ijbs.2021.266815.1455?

Shin LJ, Armenta CN, Kamble SV et al. (2020). Gratitude in collectivist and individualist cultures. Journal of Positive Psychology 15:5, 598-604. https://doi.org/10.1080/17439760.2020.1789699