Is self-esteem dependent on others?

Self-esteem is the projection of self a person sees in the mirror of his eyes. The beliefs, capabilities, skills, nature, worth, self-regard, etc. contribute to a flourished self-esteem. Self-esteem is not formed by an overnight transformation, but it is molded from time to time and incident to incident. The primary caregiver, the family, peer group, ideals, social interactions, and personal achievements give rise to self-esteem. In easier terms, self-esteem can be defined As the worthiness a person feels about himself.?

Self-esteem helps a person to grow and achieve anything he aims for. From passing the most competitive exam or giving an interview, self-esteem plays a very important role in allowing a person to perform his best. When a person loses his self-esteem, he gets trapped in the inferiority complex. Alfred Adler described this in his theory, stating that childhood experiences of failures or deficiencies induce an inferiority complex. This complex induces fear into the brain constantly pressuring the person to question his abilities.,?

Self-esteem develops through A person's past experiences and incidents. It provides A person with a positive outlook toward life and an urge to perform in the way he has been trained. But, people often grant the command of their self-esteem to others, hoping it would get better. Little do they know that allowing others to build their self-esteem would make them extremely dependent and vulnerable which further would turn into low self-esteem.?

Factors Influencing Self-Esteem

As individuals grow and experience life, they gradually begin to depend on others for validation, which often shapes their self-esteem. It all starts with the school-going age. A student at first wants to perform best in his academics, hoping to get praise from parents and teachers. On achieving it, his self-esteem boosts, preparing him for the next challenge. A student’s sense of worth becomes tied to these achievements, making them reliant on external validation. Whenever the student fails or is not able to perform well, constant worries and self-doubt affect him

In the workplace, this dependence deepens. Employees, especially freshers, join the company with big dreams and aims. They work very hard to keep up with the appreciation, promotions and raises. Their self-esteem shatters when they fail to deliver to other's expectations. They question their abilities, further tying their self-esteem to others’ judgments.

Social media has also taken control of people's self-esteem. Every like, comment, or subscriber gives a pleasant and fulfilling feeling to the person to which he gets addicted. All his actions, decisions, and even moments of happiness depend upon how others would perceive and appreciate him. The fear of not being trendy or cool enough and not getting enough reach on social media makes a person feel the lowest about themselves.?

Allowing others to take command of self-esteem not only makes a person feel over-conscious but also limits their creativity and thinking capacity. This habit makes them a puppet who would work only according to the demand. The erosion of individualism and organic thought processes gives rise to a living machine with no authenticity.?

Signs of Unhealthy Approval Seeking

The feeling of getting appreciation and compliments is very pleasant, but this appreciation should never control the belief in oneself. Here are some indicators that approval-seeking has become harmful:??

• A person always needs others’ approval to make any decision.
• A person often surpasses own needs of others
• A person? feels incapable, and unworthy when nobody gives them appreciation for the work
• A person prioritizes others opinions over their own even though he feels they're not right.?
• A person's entire day gets ruined over a slight argument or discomfort.?

Ways to have independent self-esteem

1. Make Conscience's Guide: Listening to what one's heart says is the first step to getting back self-esteem. This voice often guides a person to what not to do. Constant questions about how they're being treated or whether they are ignoring their needs.
2. Create Some Distance: If a person feels he's too dependent on others, it's better to take some time off them. Trying to face things even when they fail is the bravest way of getting self-esteem back. People who care would give them space. This break would give the person the realization that they can stand on their own.?
3. Practice Self-Love: A person's need for love and validation should come from both external As well As internal factors. Self-love serves as the foundation for healthy relationships. When individuals accept and love themselves, they no longer feel the need to fabricate stories or compromise their values for acceptance.?
4. Shift the Focus to Giving: Over-dependency can lead a person to become excessively focused on receiving love, attention, and validation. Trying the opposite, by giving others opinions and commands and learning to say no, would slowly allow the mind to adapt to the behavior.
5. Reconnect with True Desires: One consequence of dependency is losing sight of one's true desires. When individuals spend excessive time trying to meet the expectations of others, it becomes challenging to differentiate between their desires and those of others. It is essential to take time to explore what is genuinely important.?
6. Break Free from Societal Expectations: Society often pressures individuals to conform to specific standards be it related to appearance, career, or social behavior. This pressure can create a constant need for validation. It is important to recognize that societal expectations do not always align with personal values.

Conclusion:

In conclusion, self-esteem should come from within rather than relying on what others think. When people depend on others for approval, they can feel insecure. By learning to love themselves and focusing on what truly matters, they can build a stronger sense of self and live their lives confidently and freely.