Self-doubt is an invasive species

If confidence is a fundamental key to success, then self-doubt is its cosmic counterpoint. Every one of us knows that we need to build confidence to grow into our skins and reach our goals. But for every moment we have of being a total badass, there are a thousand moments of doubt, fear, and discomfort.

I used to view confidence as a destination. I thought that, one day, when I achieved confidence, I wouldn't have to worry anymore. It would be like a switch flipped. Suddenly I would be a grown-up, and I would just be able to intuit how to act with confidence and competence.

This perspective is one reason why I spent years chasing certifications and superficial "achievements." I wanted other people to listen to me and recognize my abilities. I thought that if I just built up enough letters after my name, I'd be valid and capable. I've since realized that no number of qualifications can substitute for true confidence and (much to my chagrin) actual years of experience.

"If I could just get a Master's degree, then I'd be confident, and I'd get a better job," I thought. "If I could just get that promotion." The trouble is that building the trappings of confidence and achievement never led me to contentment. It was only when I began to intentionally pluck out self-doubt through the practice of doing difficult things that I finally built a sense of confidence.

To some degree, I suspect that many of us view our journey to confidence in this way: Once you get it, you have it forever, and you've "arrived." But confidence is something that has to be tended and cultivated. It can wither and die if you don't feed it.

Building confidence is not linear and it requires daily practice. Self-doubt is a weed that springs up, uninvited, and must be plucked out without mercy. I guarantee that every "confident" person fights a daily battle against those little negative voices that try to drag us back down the slope, into the easier and less-functional life. Doubt is comfortable and self-indulgent.

We are stronger than doubt. With discipline, we prevail.

Weeding out self-doubt through strength training

Physical exercise has been my key to building self-confidence because it forces me to confront self-doubt every day. If I'm going to actually make it as a strongwoman, I have to push past my own limits on the regular.

Every Friday, I do 26 sets of deadlifts. The workout takes more than two hours, so I do it on Friday evening, when the gym is nearly deserted. No one is there to cheer me on. My coach lives in a different town, so I'm lifting all on my own. It's just me, my headphones, and 400+ pounds of weights.

Every Friday, without fail, there's a point at which I begin to doubt my ability to complete the workout. Generally, it's at around set 18 or 20, when I'm gasping for breath and the energy is draining from my muscles. My lower back feels like someone took a jackhammer to it. My hands have a tremor to them, and it's hard to grip the barbell. This week, I was soaked in sweat ... like I probably needed to wring out my shirt when I got to the car.

This level of exhaustion comes along with cognitive effects. I can't keep track of my sets in my head anymore, so I'm using written tally marks. The calluses on my hands have ripped off. I can barely think.

It's a glorious, total dissolution of ego that allows me to exist only in the moment. At that point, I have a single focus that consumes every molecule of my being: Lift the weight. It's the most honest part of my day.

This is the sticking point, the moment at which it would be incredibly easy to give up. Really, no one's having fun.

But here's the thing: Giving up when the going gets tough doesn't help you build confidence. You have to try as hard as you can to get past the sticking point, because confidence and self-love is what you'll find on the other side.

Pushing past the sticking point

I push past my sticking point by employing two strategies:

1. Breaking down the tasks into miniscule steps
2. Recalling previous instances of success

Breaking the tasks into smaller steps: At set 18, I don't believe I'm going to finish the workout. I don't really even care if I reach the end, which is at least 40 minutes away. I'm not thinking that far ahead.

The way I complete 26 sets of deadlifts, every week, with increasing weight, is to only look at the next rep. I break the whole workout into tiny steps, and I only try to complete the very next one. One of my old trainers used to say, "You can endure anything for a minute," which is totally true. So I break everything down into single-minute intervals.

This is the same practice I use every day at work. When I'm working on a massive project that scares me and instills self-doubt, I root it out by looking at the smallest possible unit of work, and then completing that. Then, confidence springs into action! A single rep with the bar. A single form filled out. A single minute of work.

It's easy to become overwhelmed when you think of the massive volume of work you're facing, but if you just look at the single task, the single step in front of you, suddenly the burden seems lighter. You're at the end before you know it!

Recalling previous instances of success: The first time I tried this 26-set deadlift workout, I made sure that I completed the whole thing. I did not do it with the heaviest weight, and it was not a beautiful workout. But I made sure that I set a strong precedent for myself.

That way, when I'm at set 18 and I don't think I can get to set 26, I have no excuse because I've completed the whole thing before ... on my first try, in fact!

When I start feeling those instances of self-doubt set in, when I feel like I can't lift another pound, I remember the evidence: the countless times I've completed the workout in the past. Specifically, I think back to how powerful I felt the first time I did such a challenging routine, and I chase that feeling.

Even though I was exhausted, I remember making that final tally mark and taking a big gulp of water. Alone in the gym, I threw up my arms in victory! I remember how strong and capable I felt in that moment. It must be what mountain climbers experience when they reach the summit.

That elation and confidence is what I'm chasing with every workout, and that's how I keep self-doubt in check.

Tending your garden

Week after week, lift after lift, I experience small successes that feed confidence and wither self-doubt.

Of course self-consciousness and self-doubt continue to grow. They're insidious, invasive weeds that I don't think can ever be fully cast aside. Sometimes I don't pay enough attention, and they start taking over little corners of my life, and I return to the basics. I remember times when I was successful. Sometimes, I take a rest or just cry and feel my emotions. I get embarrassed and overwhelmed, but I've been through those emotions before, and I know I can walk through them.

What a pain it is to constantly work on yourself!

Thanks to the consistent practice of strength training, though, I cultivate self-confidence. It's a daily dedication in the gym and in the office.

Even if you're not chasing 26 sets of deadlifts, you can push through your sticking point to reach your true measure of success. A dedication to tending your garden will prevent self-doubt from reaching its tendrils where it doesn't belong.

Kathryn Bennett, CPSM, is a proposal writer and amateur strongwoman in Grand Junction, Colorado. When she's not powerlifting in a garage, she's hanging out with her dog, Dot, doing crossword puzzles over brunch, and encouraging other aspiring strongpeople. Follow her weightlifting accounts on Instagram at @kaybeelifts and @warmaiden_fitness