A self-discovery journey (part I)

?? There are so many different “views of world” as many people on this planet. Why? Because perception is not reality. Perception can become a person’s reality – that’s the difference ??, because perception has a potent influence on how we look at reality. Our perceptions influence how we focus on, process, remember, interpret, understand, synthesise, decide about, and act on reality. Based on our perceptions, our past experiences we develop a belief system.

?? Belief systems are the stories we tell ourselves to define our personal sense of reality. Every human being has a belief system they use, and it is through this mechanism that we individually, “make sense” of the world around us. 

?? SO! Depending upon our belief system, we deal and interpret life situations in different ways. Below, as examples, you can find several common belief systems (please do not judge as right or wrong):

?? Everything in life is predestinated

?? An external force is directing our lives in order to teach us lessons

?? Everything is by random and the living is based either on bad or good luck

?? We pre-planned the events of our lives in order to learn certain lessons

?? We create our own lives through intentions, emotions or actions

?? Everything wrong is always someone else’s fault (society / system / rules / cultures / standards, etc.)

?? Based on the belief system some people are more focused on pain, other may enjoy their lives. Some of us consider they are facing problems and feel the pain but also the huge suffering attached to problems, other people are facing challenges, no matter how hard these could be, take the lesson, feel the pain or sadness, but not suffering and simply going further.

?? This perspective reveals the difference between limiting beliefs and empowering beliefs.

There is sadness, but there is no suffering. The pain and sadness are part of life, but only when we resist our sadness and pain, that’s becoming suffering!

?? Furthermore, people are like icebergs: we see only 10 percent (meaning their roles, identity, how they connect socially and how they reveal their pain). The rest of 90% is about who they really are: with their biggest fears, deepest longings, talents, creativity, brilliance, faults, failings, mistakes, etc. Interesting part is that a lot of people around us are not self-aware even by themselves about most part of 90%. They are not allowing themselves to dig deeper and find more about their potential, meaning, purpose in life and the significance of their own journey.

?? So, what would be the point here? It’s about showing to yourself day by day a little bit more about your authentic self, to be more open and honest to yourself, to be able to seek and understand other points of view, to discover why you react in a certain way at different types of challenges, what stories from your past experience are influencing you in the present time, to understand what stops you in achieving and being who you truly are or who you truly want to be.

As an idea, find below some general steps in order to be able to do this:

?? Identify what you DO NOT want – when asked, many people find it’s easier to say what they do not want

?? Identify what you DO want based on the opposite of the previous list

?? Getting more specific – make written and clear statement

?? Digging deeper into “WHY” – keep probing and asking yourself until you find the core of the issue

?? Get other people out of your head – you are the lead and the master of your own reflections

?? Let’s discuss about some pragmatic data. What is the Power of 45%?

So, how powerful is conditioning in creating our current story? There are research studies that have demonstrated that most of our daily habits is characterised by repetition. In fact, research has determined that about 45% of everyday behaviours are repeated behaviours that tend to occur in the same location almost every day (Quinn & Wood, 2005; Wood, Quinn, & Kashy, 2002). This means that for almost half of our day we are running on autopilot. We repeat the same actions, behaviours and thoughts because we are triggered by something in our environment. The challenge is that the part of our brain (prefrontal lobe) that helps us think critically, solve problem and make different decision, SHUTS OFF when we are on autopilot. In other words, we have to WAKE UP and become aware of our conditioning, so we can change it.

?? For example, what if you grew up watching your parents come home and complain about how much they hate their jobs and you find that now you come home and do the same thing. Would you change it? Would you look for solutions? Probably not, because you have been conditioned to think that it normal and probably do not even realize that you are doing it. Therefore, reflection is key to unmasking these conditioned behaviours and limiting beliefs.

By reflecting on how much of what we do and think did not originate as our own idea, and letting go of things that do not serve us, we are free to embrace a new mental state and a life that is more genuine to who we truly are and how we want to live. ??

Conditioning can be defined in many ways, but ultimately it is the residual effect of all past influences on our life, including, stored emotions and learned reactions.

The reason that understanding your conditioning is so powerful because it is what created your foundation of understanding of life, emotions and behaviours. We develop an understanding of what a story is and what should be part of our story. This impacts how we react, behave, think, and what we create in our daily life.

Here you can find a top 3 of limiting beliefs:

?? LIMITING BELIEF #1—APPROVAL: I must be approved of by others to be worthy!

This belief reflects the need of acceptance and belonging, fear to be judge or rejected, you’re thinking like ?I expect myself to perform well and win approval from all significant others at all times, and if not, I am a failure, unworthy, and deserve to suffer”. So, as symptoms, you place unrealistic expectations on oneself, you are over-concern with what other people think, you consider that achievement and popularity determine self-worth, you are self-critical, have lack of self-acceptance. Being controlled by this type of belief, as emotional consequences, you can confront with depression, feeling not good enough, unable to express or embrace true self, anxiety, worry about what others think, being judged, low confidence, feeling bad about yourself, others disapproval means we are bad, can’t be yourself. As behaviour, it’s about risk-avoidance due to fear of being judged for failing or being different, shyness, due to fear of being embarrassed, it's about procrastination, for fear of failure, judgment, risk, unassertiveness, for fear of rejection or criticism, workaholism, in order to gain approval.

REPLACE THIS LIMITING BELIEF WITH THE BELOW EMPOWERING BELIEF:

I have value as a human being simply by being my authentic self, and I desire love only from those who appreciate me and recognise the good in me.

?? LIMITING BELIEF #2—JUDGMENT: Other people must do “the right thing” and meet my expectations in order to be worthy!

This belief reflects the need of importance, superiority, fear to be treated unfair or to be disappointed, expecting all significant others to treat you kindly and fairly, as well as act appropriately, and if they don’t, they are unworthy, rotten people who deserve to be punished. So, again, as symptoms, you place unrealistic expectations on others, including expecting them to be infallible, perfect, assuming you are the sole authority on what is right and wrong, assuming you have authority over others, believing everyone else is responsible for catering to your needs. As emotional consequences, you feel anger, rage or fury when others intentionally or unintentionally treat you poorly or unfairly or don’t meet your expectations, impatience with others who make mistakes or aren’t perfect, bitterness against others for not meeting your needs, resentment toward others for being imperfect and especially for treating you unfairly or not meeting your needs. As behaviour, it’s about aggression and violence as a way of punishing others for being inappropriate or not meeting expectations, intolerance of anyone who does not meet your definition of right and wrong, bullying others to enforce your belief of the way others should behave or be.

REPLACE THIS LIMITING BELIEF WITH THE BELOW BELIEF:

All people, including myself, are imperfect, have value to offer, and have a unique perspective of the world.

?? LIMITING BELIEF #3—COMFORT: Life must be easy, without discomfort or inconvenience!

This belief reflects the need of certainty, comfort, justice, fear of adversity, uncertainty, discomfort, you expect all external conditions to be pleasant and favourable at all times and when they’re not it is awful and unbearable. As symptoms, you place unrealistic expectations about life being perfect, you believe that living a trouble-free life is a birth right, have lack of belief in your ability cope with adversity or manifest complete rejection of all life problems. The emotional consequences are low frustration tolerance, self-pity and “poor me” attitude, depression, hopelessness, discomfort anxiety. As behaviours, it’s about procrastination, maybe drug and alcohol abuse, overindulgence in “feel good” behaviours (for example: overeating).

REPLACE THIS LIMITING BELIEF WITH THE BELOW EMPOWERING BELIEF:

It is perfectly natural for life conditions to not be ideal or perfect and it’s okay if situations do not exist the way I would prefer. Instead, I am capable of finding solutions to problems and making changes that bring me happiness and opportunities, regardless of the situations that happen around me.

Conclusions of this article (part I):

?? question yourself about what’s your belief system

?? understand the difference between limiting beliefs and empowering beliefs

?? dismantle your limiting beliefs

?? become aware of your conditioning – autopilot mode

?? start to reflect upon yourself in an authentic way, with open mind and heart

?? seek deeply in the 90% of your iceberg

?? be flexible, be respectful for others perceptions

?? challenge your perceptions

When starting a self-discovery journey, you may ask support for accountability from a trustful friend or life partner, a coach or a mentor. ??

There are so many probing or empowering questions (I will come back to you with details and examples in the next articles)!!! ??

Everything depends on how much willpower you have, what is your big enough reason to do it, or how strong is your desire to learn about and develop yourself. Either with guidance, either by yourself, be the hero and take ownership of your self-discovery journey!

?Questions: What limiting beliefs do you think you have? Are you able to switch the button from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset? Are you able to transform yourself and become the hero and the owner of your own life journey?

PS: Be aware! It’s a long process, is not simple, but it’s so rewarding!!! It deserves every single second to step on it! ??

Photo: personal photo from my own products handmadebyana

Source of info: transformationacademy.com; achology.com