SELF DEFENSE - The Power of Avoidance
My father, a Holocaust survivor, has always been a man with a large heart and deep care for the other. Similar to many concentration camp survivors, his rage, usually scrupulously controlled, would manifest when events or behavior was not up to his expectations or standards. I remember quite often the strength of his hand leaving its mark on my cheeks when I brought home bad grades or critical remarks from a teacher.
Even though it was humiliating and I cried my soul out when I got slapped, I always loved and forgave him. At the same time I swore to never ever let anyone get away with hitting me or anyone around me in my adulthhood. I retain a vivid memory of lying in my bed when I vowed to learn how to defend myself. So, at very young age I picked up martial arts, eventually receiving my Black Belt in Ninjutso. It made me a better person with more control and self-awareness. I developed true self-confidence and acquired the ability to banish fear in almost any situation. I remember my master in Japan telling me that the best way to win a fight is to be able to walk away from the scene peacefully without as much as making a fist. As long as I can recall, friends and acquaintances have asked me if my master's mantra truly held water over the years.
As it turns out, life deals us truly unexpected situations and scenarios. Sometimes we end up in the wrong places at the wrong time, forcing us to utilize all those smart and intuitive reactions we have learned on the way.
Early one morning I drove quietly into the underground parking lot of my office building in Beverly Hills. Dressed in a suit and still not completely awake, I parked the car and walked slowly towards the elevators. Turning the corner, I came upon an attractive woman whom I had met before in the building and the young Latino parking attendant engaged in a fist fight. I ran over and gently tried to separate them. Without warning the young guy called me dirty gringo and punched me in the face.
The police asked me later what happened, and frankly, I couldn’t remember any details. They found this guy, his arm broken in two places and his face badly bruised on one side where he apparently hit the floor. When one is trained all his adult life to defend himself, the reaction is almost automatic. You bend, you avoid, you utilize the other person’s power against him and you neutralize him. This sounds cold and dry but it is the simplest and most genuine explanation I can come up with.
The truth of the matter is that I was probably more shocked than he. Yes, he attacked me for no reason. Yes I defended myself. Witnesses told the police my actions were justified. Yet, I still caused another human being serious harm. Could I have voided the injuries just by neutralizing the dumb headed bully? Was there another way to finish the fight as my master taught me?
While bouquets of flowers were delivered to me from other offices in the building all afternoon and as I read the heartfelt thank you notes, I called my master in Japan to tell him how bad I felt. The wise man was quiet for a while and then with his broken English asked me how bad I might have felt if the lady and I would be lying on the floor with bruises and broken bones instead of the attacker? "If there is doubt, there is no doubt", he said. "The bad man attacked the wrong person and you needed to be you".
It has been several years since this incident, but I think about it quite often. Will I be the same me if this happens again? Will my past teach me to react differently in the future?