Self-defence and ego control.

We can make this very simple, but is it really that simple?

Self-defence could be described as; the avoidance of violence by recognizing signs of escalating threat () and removing yourself from the situation prior to it. Or, if necessary due to the impossibility of an exit strategy, employing the correct amount, and no more, of controlled aggression to take control of the situation for long enough to find a new exit strategy.

Ego is what stops you from doing this.

So that’s the simple version, now let’s see if we can look at this in a little more detail to see why the ego is so self-destructive.

The ego is our sense of self, maybe even self-worth, which includes our beliefs, values, and self-perception. Sometimes, our ego can prevent us from recognizing potential threats or acknowledging that we might need to remove ourselves from a situation. This can result in us feeling the need to protect ourselves at all costs, even if it means staying in a dangerous situation. In this scenario, we may become our own worst enemy, or indeed a threat to our own self-protection

The ego can be self-destructive because it can cause us to act in ways that are not in our best interests. It can lead to irrational thinking, self-doubt, feelings of persecution, and obsession with ‘being right’ or winning, which can prevent us from making the right decisions in a threatening situation.

The ego can also make us more vulnerable to attack because we might be too proud to admit that we need help or that we're in danger.

So, is there anything we can do to stop our ego from taking control of a situation only to make it worse for us? Yes, there is:

Taking control of your ego is an ongoing process that involves developing self-awareness and practicing self-reflection.

Self-awareness is so important. So many people have an inflated perception of their own abilities, for whatever reason, the story they tell themselves is that they are capable of handling this situation. This is usually based on nothing more than their own opinion. To get over this you should constantly push yourself, testing the opinions you have of yourself. Can you debate? If you believe you can ‘talk your way out of it’, have you any proof of that? Maybe taking classes in debating or even acting classes, theatrical studies, or role-play; all of these could be ways of confirming your belief in your abilities, or not!

?If you believe you can ‘fight your way out of it’ test that theory. When was the last time you had a fight, a real skin-and-blood fight? Maybe taking some CQC classes or pushing yourself with reality-based training in a full-contact ‘something’ could confirm the worth of your self-belief, or not!

Ego can also be firmly put in its place if you pop along to a class.

Before I go any further let me be clear I am not advocating Jiu Jitsu as a style to be learned for self-protection, some tricks may help you out if the SHTF but if you get to that stage you`ve pretty much done everything else wrong so far, so why would you believe that all of a sudden you will perform your Jiu Jitsu correctly?

What Jiu-Jitsu does do, (so long as you play by the rules), is humble you. I have yet to meet someone who has for more than a month at Jiu-Jitsu who has not had to admit to themselves that they are not as good as they thought they were. You will be humbled, your ego will take repetitive knocks, you will be ‘cut down to size’ by people half your size and half your age and you will submit. You will tap out. If you play for long enough (usually one session!!) you will be humbled. You will become more ‘self-aware. Now keep up the good work.

?Here are some steps you can take to gain better control over your ego:

1.???One of the first steps to taking control of your ego is to learn to recognize when it's causing problems. Recognize when your ego is getting in the way. This can involve paying attention to your thoughts and emotions and being honest with yourself about your motivations.

2.???Practice self-awareness. Self-awareness involves paying attention to your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours. By developing greater self-awareness, you can start to identify patterns and triggers that cause your ego to take over.

3.???Cultivate humility. Humility is an important quality for gaining control over your ego. It involves recognizing your limitations and being open to learning from others (re: jiu jitsu above). Practice listening to others and being open to feedback, even if it's critical.

4. Develope cognitive empathy. Cognitive empathy can help us to navigate conflicts and disagreements more effectively by allowing us to see things from the other person's point of view. Empathy involves putting yourself in someone else's shoes and understanding their feelings and perspectives. By developing greater empathy, you can reduce the focus on your own needs and desires and start to see the world from a broader perspective.

5. Focusing on the present moment. Our ego often causes us to worry about the past or future, which can distract us from the present moment. By focusing on the here and now, you can reduce the power of your ego and be more present in your life.

6.???Practice gratitude in your day to day. is a powerful tool for reducing the influence of your ego. You can shift your attention away from your own needs and desires by focusing on the things you're grateful for, and learn to be appreciative of the contributions of others.

7.???Practice self-reflection. Regularly reflecting on your thoughts, emotions, and behaviours can help you gain a better understanding of your ego and how it influences your actions. Maybe even keep a notebook to catch your thoughts and mood changes, and remember to read it from time to time. Set aside time each day to reflect on your experiences and identify areas for growth and improvement.

8. Seek education, Study, read learn, and understand your actions so as to better take control of them.

9. Meditation is a great tool to use for this purpose, it’s sort of killing two birds with one stone. Relax the body and mind, reflect on life, the universe and everything!

By taking these steps, you can gain greater control over your ego. Remember that taking control of your ego is an ongoing process, and like everything else worth doing, it takes time and practice to make lasting changes.

In summary, self-defence is about avoiding and protecting ourselves from harm, while ego can prevent us from recognizing potential danger and taking the necessary steps to keep ourselves safe. It's essential to be aware of our ego and work to control it so that we can respond effectively to potential threats and protect ourselves from harm.

William Shakespeare, in Henry IV Part 1 wrote;? "The better part of valour is discretion, in the which better part I have saved my life." This implies that true courage involves using good judgment and common sense, rather than acting recklessly or impulsively.

If you wish to know more about Ego and how to control it, please feel free to PM me or email me at [email protected]

Live Online workshops are also available, upon request, for groups as are pre-recorded workshops.?

Here in Cádiz, Spain we teach civilians, individuals, small groups, families or companies, as well as Police and Military units. We can provide online workshops, courses, and educational material specifically designed to guide you through the minefield which is self-defense or personal protection. It is far from all physical, but our CQC courses are also extensive for those whose employment doesn't allow them to avoid physical violence.

Contact us at www.insafehands.net or [email protected] or feel free to drop me a DM.