On self criticism
I am not sure about you, but I feel I perfected one skill? self-criticism.
I noticed that recently when writing my doctorate’s research proposal. I was tired of writing AND of sabotaging and criticising myself in the process. The highlights being ‘Your idea is stupid’, ‘you will never get in’, ‘your phd proposal sucks’, ‘at your age?!!!!’ etc… you get the idea.
And this got me thinking about self and this little gremlin who keeps showing up. So I got back to what I love most- stories, humans, coaching and reflection. I rewatched the U99 conference talk by Brene Brown ‘It’s not the critics who count’.
I watched it probably hundred times before, while sharing it with clients etc… and yet this time something new hit me.
these words…..
‘We are so self critical.? There is an ideal of what you are supposed to be. And what a lot of us end up doing is that we orphan that parts of ourselves that don’t fit with what that ideal is supposed to be. And what it leaves when we orphan all those parts of us is the critic.’
I knew it, but still I needed this description. ‘Bingo’, right?
We abandon parts of ourselves to fit the ideal. This ideal may differ for every one of us, depending who we are, where we grew up, where we live, who we love, where we work etc… but I am sensing there is always this ideal.
Well, there has been one for me definitely. Ideal of career, success, life…. And I have left out parts of me because I felt they don’t belong in that ideal. But also because I didn’t have courage/ confidence to shatter that ideal and create my own, the real one.
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So today I am inviting us to reflect as we live, on our self-criticism.
Every one of us may have diferent answers because we are so unique.
For me, the biggest one is clarity on what matters to me most.
Authenticity, courage, confidence, love, respect.
With this self-awareness, I can get back to tame my self-criticism.
Whenerver it comes back. As it will!
What about You?
Which parts of your true self have you orphaned and would like to embrace again?
Much love,
R
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9 个月Question your own self criticism! Is there any proof on the table, that your thoughts are correct? What would the opposite thought actually be? Would that also be possible? Ask people around you for their views, by being bluntly direct yet very open and vulnerable, but authentic. This is how I tackle my self criticism every day. Does it always work? No, but often it does and that already is a step towards happier thoughts
Professional Coach (ICF PCC), Trainer, and Facilitator of Learning and Becoming through Human Connection
9 个月Such an important reminder, Rafal, thanks for sharing. And I celebrate your doctorates research proposal!
Business Intelligence, Data Analytics, Data Quality, Project Management, SCRUM, Process Excellence, Training
9 个月Stop thinking about yourself and self criticism should dissapear :D jokes aside. This is hard. Self censorship stopped me many times from good things which later on I always regret.