Self-Control

One of the greatest skills you will ever have as a Moral Authority Leader is self-control. Self-control is being able to be in command of your urges, to resist doing the things that are not in line with your values, your standards, your behaviour and your goals. As emotional beings, self-control is one of the hardest things that we have to master, but without it we will never have the life we want, nor would we be the leader we desire to be, or need to be for other people. 

Let's take a look at self-control in the area of money, as it is one of the clearest ways to see where people are lacking control. Recently the Australian Bureau of Statistics stated that household-debt-to-income ratio hit a new record just shy of 200%. In simple terms, most people are magicians in finance, spending twice as much as they earn each week. But where does that money come from? That extra money is created via debt such as credit cards, payday loans and the buy now pay later models of Afterpay and Zippay, just to name a few. To spend more than what you are earning each week just shows that people have no control over their spending habits and thus, they are unable to save any money.

Let me point out another sad fact here as well. Most of the people that are using credit cards, payday loans and the buy now pay later options are not the rich, or the poor, it is the middle income earners. The rich can afford to buy with cash, while the poor cannot get credit. The middle income earners however, earn just enough to survive but not to live the life that they really want. They can see all the good life (and things) that money can buy, but it is just out of reach for them. But for most middle income earners, not having enough money is not a good enough reason to miss out any more.

Due to peer pressure, constant bombardment from advertisements and lack of self-control, people readily take credit to have what they want now without having to work any harder for it. That then puts a lot of people under financial pressure, and most spend their wages paying off credit and having little left over for what they actually need, or to save for the future. In fact, if most people lost their job, or had some sort of financial issue, they would have no savings to fall back on and they would be ruined. 

According to the Australian Bureau of Statistics, household debt is $404,319.80, up $10,198.10 from last year. That is a large increase, especially as most people’s wages did not increase by even half of that last year. There is more and more debt piling up and people are getting further and further away from their dream lifestyle. Yet, it doesn't have to be this way. With just $100 per week, and self-control, most people could sort out a lot of their financial problems.

Let me explain. If people bank $20 per week into an account, and do not touch it, then they would have $1040 at the end of the year. That would pay for most people's car registrations without any problem. Now take another $20 and put it away in a weekend holiday away account. You work hard and you deserve time away, and with that extra money you can have a weekend break 2-3 times per year. Out of the $60 remaining, put $30 away for bigger holidays and that will give you $1560 per year. That would allow you to have an overseas holiday every 2-3 years without borrowing for it. With the last $30, put that into another account and every year you will have $1560 to invest into whatever you choose, or to pay off an unneeded debt.  

Now think about this, at the end of every year, you will have $5200 in the bank to pay for registration, holidays and to invest, and all you had to do was give up $100 per week. That is how small bits every week compound over time. How hard is that?  

Well, for many people it is virtually impossible, because they are unwilling to give up that $100 right now. They feel that they need to spend everything they have as soon as they get it, and then put extra on credit, because they have no self-control over money. And the sad truth is, if people do not have self-control in one area, they normally lack it in every area of their life, and their entire life is a mess.

Other areas in which people struggle with self-control are:

Weight: lack of willingness to take self-control over diet or exercise

Violence: lack of willingness to take self-control over emotions, especially anger

Adultery: lack of willingness to take self-control from taking extra partners

Addictions: lack of willingness to take self-control over finding help to stop

 As a Moral Authority Leader, you need to develop self-control in order to demonstrate that habit to other people, so that they can do the same thing and develop themselves, and it is not easy. Self-control is about creating emotional stability and doing the right things, whether it is easy or requires a lot of work. The greater your self-control, the greater your success will be. 

 While self-control and discipline appear to go hand in hand, they are actually almost the opposite of each other. Where discipline is doing what you need to do when you need to do it, even if you don't want to do it, self-control is not doing what you don't need to do when you shouldn't be doing it. Most leaders, including Moral Authority Leaders, will happily talk about discipline, but they seldom talk about self-control, however, you cannot have great discipline if you do not have great self-control. Without self-control you will continually undermine your discipline.

 A great example of a lack of self-control undermining discipline is when people start exercising. They may have great discipline to get up every morning and go for a walk. However, later that night, they lack the willpower to take self-control and they have ice-cream and chocolate before they go to bed, completely undoing all the good they did that morning. 

 I do want to make one thing clear about self-control. It is not about denying yourself everything for the rest of your life. It is about denying the things, for now, that will hinder your path to success. If you are dieting, then you need to skip all the unhealthy foods, for now. Once you have reached your set weight, then you change your diet and reset your self-control to allow yourself to have some ice cream or chocolate, but have a limit. Same with money, save and invest until you reach your goal, then when you have more coming in from your investments, you can spend a bit to ensure that you enjoy your success.

 (However, that does not apply to addictions, violence and adultery. If you do take self-control and stop, then you never want to go back there again. And if you are someone that suffers from anything like these, then do yourself a favour and seek help to change. You will never regret giving up those things) 

 So how do you build your self-control? One step at a time. Choose and area you think you need to take more control over, say finances. Set up some accounts and have money transfer in to those accounts automatically. That is the easy part. The hard part is not touching that money until it’s needed for the thing you are saving for. That may even mean that sometimes you will not have enough money to go and do something you feel like doing. 

 There have been plenty of times when my wife and I have sat at home on a Saturday night saying we are broke. However, in our combined accounts we could quickly put our hands on thousands of dollars. But we refused to do so. We know that if we spend that money on a night out, we will not have the money we need to travel with later. And we are both prepared to sacrifice one Saturday night so that we can travel through Europe for 6 weeks with more than enough money. 

 It's about having the self-control to be willing to sacrifice an average now for a greater tomorrow. It’s about having goals and dreams that you are willing to fight for that will give you a greater life, against just having a decadent one night out that will not leave you feeling fulfilled in the long run. The bigger and more important your goals are, the easier it will be to develop self-control. 

 So look at where you need to improve and start creating better self-control over your habits around that area. Yes there will be times that you fail, but you can't fail if you don't try in the first place, and trying is always the first step to success. 

If you would like to know more about Terry’s work and the possibility of mentorship please contact him.

Terry Shadwell

Helping People Help Themselves So They Can Lead a Greater Life