Self-Compassion Isn't For Weenies

I start this blog with a confession. My confession is that I’ve been feeling very guilty that I have dropped the ball on many things in life lately. When you’re a doer, like me, the NOT doing of things can feel like failure. I’ve been beating myself up a bit, which included procrastinating on posting a new blog. Never mind that we’ve just made it through a busy holiday season, a mountain of snow outside, and a house full of Covid (seriously this virus can buzz off. I can’t taste my wine and that’s for sure not ok).

All these mean thoughts toward myself made me wonder if I’m not the only one feeling like hiding in a closet to escape the never-ending to-do list. It’s the cycle I dread: Make the to-do list, fail to do much of the list, feel bad, stop trying, feel worse. You know what I’m talking about right? My coach mind tells me its time we are kinder to ourselves. Time to let in some compassion and some grace. ?

The thing is, I don’t really do self-compassion that well.

It’s all fine and fun to talk about as a coach, and when I recommend it I really do mean it. But I’m a total hypocrite. It’s like your doctor lighting up while telling you to stop smoking. Or your weight loss nurse eating a big mac while telling you to eat more veggies. Or your coach telling you to be kinder to yourself while she tells herself she is a screw up.

Join me in walking the talk and let’s get better at treating ourselves like the good souls we are. Here’s a few things I learned while getting back on the horse over the last week:

1.?????Refusing to be self-compassionate is just another form of perfectionism. And its bullshit. We need to see this. It’s not brave, smart, or strong to insist that we are perfect. It is brave, smart, and strong to give it 100%, and give ourselves a break when the to do list is just too damn long. It is arrogance to think that the world will fall apart without you pulling the strings.

2.?????Really cool things can come from our mistakes. It’s not the end of the world. Want to know how post-it notes were invented? A scientist at 3M accidentally screwed up a recipe for adhesive. How were antibiotics discovered? Dr. Alexander Fleming accidentally left a petri dish in the wrong spot and some random mold killed the bacteria he was researching.

3.?????(Most) Stuff isn’t really that important. Ok don’t freak out on me here. Lots of things are super important to get done. But I’ll be not one person in the world lost sleep over my late blog. And it turns out using every dish in my house before doing dishes is actually just fine (if a bit messy). And missing a flight because I had Covid actually didn’t wreck anyone’s day. In fact, someone may have been able to fly because I was at home trying to stop coughing.

4.?????There’s a lot of difficult, heartbreaking, stressful stuff in the world right now and its ok if you can’t handle it. I am always amazed and inspired by Nadia Bolz-Weber, and she recently wrote an article to this very point. This sentence says it all:

“I’m not saying we should put our heads in the sand, I’m saying that if your circuits are overwhelmed there’s a reason and the reason isn’t because you are heartless, it’s because there is not a human heart on this planet that can bear all of what is happening right now.”

Self-compassion isn’t for weenies. It requires humility, acceptance of imperfection, boundaries, focus, and a willingness to recognize your heart wasn’t made for all you’re carrying. It requires that we make different choices about how we see our lives. It requires grace for ourselves and grace for others.

We are all a work in progress and sometimes need a little help along the way. Reach out for a free consult where we will discuss the changes you want to see in your life. Book with me any of the following ways:?

Web:?www.igobold.com

Email:?[email protected]

Talk or text: 208-538-3702

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